The 1980’s all stars

by Dexy Longshot

Thursday, January 22nd, 2009

80's cop team


The 80’s All Stars

Keeper – Howling mad Murdoch

The Biggles Jacket wearing Nam nutnut will be ideal in the No1 jersey. Taking orders from his old war time chum cum team manager, Mad Murdoch’s aerial ability is un-surpassed & his crazy antics and penchant for a cap has drawn comparisons with Grobelar.


Full backs – Magnum PI & BA (Bad Attitude) Baracus

Tom Seleck’s Magnum was the cop with the best tache in the business & he would be my right back. Although he tends to play most of the games in the doldrums of the Hawaii 2nd Division, the loud floral dickies, shaving endorsements, chopper, fat pad & Rari in the drive make him a sponsers dream and gurantees shirt sales. Remind you of anyone?

BA Baracus was built from the same gold plate steal mould of famous left backs such as Pearce & Dicks, rolling over the opposition like a tank. For such a big geezer, he has an amazing ability to get out of tight situations, literally making something out of nothing in every game to outwit the foe. Unfortunately, he would be unavailable for any European commitments due to his phobia of flying. Crazy Fooool…


Centre Halves – Baker & Ponch from CHIPS

Patrolling the backline & famed for their distinctive headgear, we have the pairing of Chips stars Jon Baker and Hispanic import Frank Poncherello. Lovely to watch on the ball, their smooth interplay was first witnessed on the outskirts of LA. Erik Estrada who plays Ponch has a huge following & will have to be on his game to thwart the penetrating ball play of Jason King!


Left Wing – Lt. James Dempsey

Yank import Dempsey came over to London after a bit of bother in the US league and instantly hit it of with posh totty Lady Harriet Makepeace to the delight of Sun readers everywhere. Sometimes strays away from his main target and has a tendency for violence but the SI 10 trained winger is still a worthy addition to the 80s Allstars.


Right Wing – Micheal Knight

Picked up by Chairman Devon Miles in mysterious circumstances, Knight is always the first player on the pitch in his impeccably turned out black KITT. His 300 mph speed and turbo boosts into the box make him my diamond. A regular scorer for the team as well, this powerfully built unit shrugs of explosive tackles, long shots & bullet headers better than Batfink on Stella.


Midfield Duo – Bodie & Doyle

A product of the FAs highly secretive CI5 training academy, the pairing of Bodie & Doyle is every manager’s dream, except the opposing ones. Under the watchful eye of gritty Jock Cowley, the sharp shooters have been compared to the fantastic partnership of Brooking & Keegan (and that’s before we get to the barnets). Regularly setting each other up and both deadly shots from distance, it will be interesting how they fair against Reagan & Carter.


Striker – Face Man

The former soldier of fortune was part of the big transfer deal that saw himself; Murdoch & BA leave the nancy Los Angeles Underground Rovers A-team to join new Manager Hannible Smith in the 80’s all-stars. The Face has an enviable every hole’s a goal record and the Battlestar Galacticos are currently tapping him up.


Striker – Colt Severs

They don’t call him the Fall Guy for giggles. The unknown Stuntman/crimefighter is different gravy when it comes to going down in the box & why wouldn’t he with the hottest wag ever to wear a blue bikini in Heather Locklear. Regularly stands in for Clint Eastwood & Redford on International duty, he’s a defenders nightmare and “he’s had ladies plenty!”


Striker – Jason King

Another smoothie up front is the always impeccably turned out Jason King! With a handlebar tache groomed to perfection and the influence for Mike Myers Austin Powers, the sheer luridness of The King’s wardrobe would stun defences into hiding from the bright floral arrangements. Although a regular scoresman with the hotties, rumours still persist of his ability to get round the back of the last man and lobbing one into the box. Enough! Full time.


Manager – John Hannible Smith

Asst Jock Manager – George Cowley


On the bench

On The Bench
Crockett & Tubbs just missed the cut due to the abundant talent available & non-issue footwear, (Espadrilles are just not right), sometimes used in the dying moments to run the time down barefoot avec pastel jacket and chinos.

Chairman – Devon Miles (A suspiciously swarthy Millionaire)
Physios – Quincy & Dr Who, (Davidson Edition).
Chief Wag – Heather Locklear
Wags In Waiting. Lady Harriet Makepeace, that Knightrider sort and Amy Amanda Allen.
Bootboys – Higgins.
Team Mascot – Dusty Bin

On behalf of UKFF, we would like to thank Zeus & Apollo PI’s for providing Stadium Security.



Be Sociable, Share!
  • jackie emu

    glaring omission has got to be Juliet Bravo…great in any local crime, such as a bike theft and the selling of fireworks to the underage urchins of lancashire…has nice gloves as well.

  • Darren

    And scrappy doo, he solved lots of crime!

  • Park’s Numero Uno

    Scrappy Doo sucks and should never be spoken of ever again!!!!!

    Im surprised Bergerac wasnt in there but saying that he was a crap copper

  • Park’s Numero Uno

    And what about T.J. Hooker??????

  • dexylongshot

    TJ has packed it in and covers old Pulp songs now but Man City are keen to bring him out of retirement dangling a 50Million quid carrot.

  • Darren

    City are in tommy mallet, 65 m, there’s also a rumour les dennis will sign Tuesday week!

Previous post:

Next post: