Whilst watching England’s latest debacle unfold, I kept hearing blunt phrases and outbursts hurled at the TV such as ‘That Walcott is bloody useless!’, ‘what’s he doing now?!?’, ‘Oh God not Walcott again’ and ‘DO SOMETHING WITH THE BALL YOU MUPPET!!’. Then I realised it was my voice. For if there’s one thing I know is guaranteed to happen in an England match, it’s that Walcott will have a stinker. He always has. Put the kid in an England shirt and it’s like putting Winnie the Pooh in charge of honey distribution. In other words a complete disaster.
Your probably thinking, ‘yeah but he got that hattrick against Croatia’. Well aside from that game (in which by the way, he was utterly useless for the most part), his England career has been a complete failure. Can you remember anything notable that he’s done in the famous white of England? No. Because it has never happened. And I’ll tell you for why: he can’t pass, he can’t shoot (the 3 goals v Croatia are his only international goals to dates) he can’t cross, he has no composure, and as Chris Waddle said, he doesn’t have a footballing brain. In my opinion he is an Olympic sprinter in a football shirt. Sure I’m being very harsh, but unfortunately my friends it’s all true. Other people just won’t admit it.
I’ve had to sit by as time after time he gets thrust into the England starting line up at the expense of better players, the most recent of those being Ashley Young who has starred for his club all season and has played very well for his country when called upon. And has Walcott starred for Arsenal? Has he earned his place ahead of Young, Lennon, Johnson, Beckham and even Downing? No! When he’s played he’s been distinctly average, and in parts of the season he was kept out the Arsenal team by Andrei Arshavin and even Emmanuel Eboue! Now that’s embarrassing. Not the sort of stuff that should guarantee you a regular starting spot for England now is it?!
I feel I’ve let out all my built up Walcott rage, so I’d like to end on a positive note and show that I’m not a complete monster. Theo Walcott is a nice guy. He always comes across as very polite and well-spoken unlike a lot of people in his profession. Also he’s young and still has time to develop his game which, from an England fans point of view is encouraging. And finally while I’ve given him a bit of a pasting here, I totally understand that the pressure of being the new ‘England wonder kid’ has been a bit too much for him to take. Wayne Rooney got through it and we all hope Jack Wilshere can too, but the expectations placed on him have been far too high and frankly unfair. For after all, he’s just not very good.
Tommy Stoten
'Ouch Stoten, thats not very nice!'
