A good week or bad week for English football?

by Mystical Mike

Saturday, February 20th, 2010

In a week where Liverpool struggled to beat a team that sounds like an STI, Lukasz ‘Flappy-hand-ski’ handed Porto a slim lead, Scotland lost a champions league place, Man Utd struggled to beat a team with more OAPs then a bingo hall, Portsmouth look like going under and a champions league play off was proposed, overall not a great week in English football.

First I would like to start with the final champions league play-off spot, firstly gold stars must be given to Fulham boss Roy Hodgson for honesty for admitting he doesn’t have a clue what this play-off system is. For Roy’s benefit I’ll do my best to explain; the team that finishes 4th plays the team that finishes 7th in the first of 2 games, then the team that finishes 5th plays the team that finishes 6th then the winner of those two ties plays each other for a spot in the champions league, with the rest presumably heading into the coveted Europa league.  Arsene Wenger gave his usual moan on how this will detract from the league, but for me personally it would be nice to see a few new teams in Europe’s top club competition. However this seems unlikely as to become a reality it needs 14 out of the 20 Premier league managers support, and as Fergy’s vote is worth 38 it doesn’t seem likely. Since Rafa’s fact rant he has lost his composure, and he jumped at the chance to ‘dis’ the play off plan, arguing his team (Torres and Gerrard) are tired and can’t play any more games, that’s what happens Rafa when you sign players that sound like a dishwasher tablets. Honorable mention must go to Neil Warnock, whose brave attempt to call a lino incompetent did not go unmissed. It must be hard for Neil, all those ref’s picking on him, imagine if an entire game goes by and Neil can’t find any thing to complain about…

Moving on from that absurd idea brings us to the naughty boy that is Cashley Cole. Compared to this, John Terry’s infidelities seem understandable, how stupid must he be? Cheating on Cheryl Cole? I knew he couldn’t quite be right in the head, leaving Arsenal for Chelsea, but leaving Cheryl Cole? That’s just a step too far.

Back to the slightly less unbelievable, the merry go round that is Portsmouth FC. People will call me radical, insane even, but I have had a great idea for Pompey, if someone wants to buy the club, ask him if he has any money first. Just a thought. Personally I have no sympathy with the club, but its slightly harsh on the fans. Let’s for a moment imagine Pompey get wound up and seize to exist, what will the fat guy with all those tattoos do? He can’t exactly start supporting the saints…

A ‘Wazza’ double put United in the driving seat but in fairness Milan missed more chances to score then Avram Grant in a brothel. Overall the game was scrappy, but United will be delighted taking 3 away goals back to Old Trafford.

Less Delighted will be Arsene Wenger whose side managed to gift Porto two goals. Surprisingly Le Proff did see Campbell’s “accidental” back pass to good old Flappy-hands, how showed a great willingness to pick the ball up, where was that willingness for the first goal? In a great show of sportsmanship he gave the ball back to the referee who then proceeded to ensure that Porto scored, first he hands to ball straight back to Ruben Michel then decides to block off Sol Campbell, even the lino was flagging for obstruction. Despite this, once Arsenal get a few of their better players they should have no trouble brushing aside a Porto side that spent more time on the floor then Tiger Wood’s trousers.

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  • Daniel Grace

    ´seize to exist`??? What type of English is that? You have no sympathy for Portsmouth, well I have sympathy for your readers. Your use of apostrophes seems totally random.

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