And Wenger’s mystery signing is?

by Keith O'Connell

Friday, February 19th, 2010

Well the January transfer window came and went in a blur of, well, nothingness really, didn’t it? Much was made of ground-breaking transfers such as Adam Johnson to Citeh and Tinker Keane Travelling north of the border, and much was also made of Arsene Wenger’s surprising lack of activity, especially given the constant references to apparent money to burn, and Arsenal’s continuing problems with injuries and the like.

Thirty one days passed, filled with only the vaguest mystical ramblings as to any potential activity.  Towards the end of this period we were humbled in The Cup by an impressive Stoke City team, and dropped eight points in the league, receiving two absolute and comprehensive hammerings at the hands of each of our title rivals.  Would this sting Arsene into monetary action, effectively sounding the death knell to one of his Golden Lambs, or would he still keep his cards close to his chest and keep his faith in the tools he already had at his disposal.

Well, no action appeared to be forthcoming, and so we were lead to believe it was the latter, and his belief was unshaken by the Utd and Chelsea debacles.  His boys were all still his boys.

But was this really the truth of the matter…?

In the days following the closure of one of the most uninspiring, unexciting and frankly, economically realistic transfer windows of all time (where’s the fun in prudence?  Profligacy rules, fuck yeah!)  Arsene admitted that Arsenal had come extremely close to signing somebody.  Cue much fevered speculation as to who the mystery man was that we frantically and desperately chased before the window slammed unceremoniously shut in Arsene’s urbane face.

Well, stop all of your ill educated guessing, I can now reveal all.  The steadying, calming and experienced influence that was salaciously sought at the eleventh hour was none other than that of the great, the inimitable, the not dodgy at all, David James.

The genius of Le Professeur’s ploy is there for all to see.  Not satisfied with substantially raising the average age of our callow squad of lightweight bucks with the signings of the stoic and robust and not in the least bit over the hill Silvestre and Campbell, and tiring of witnessing our current crop of keepers chucking goals in, in all sorts of novel and wacky ways, Arsene wished to make it a hat-trick of ageing wonders whispering experienced and cynical sweet nothings into the ears of his merry band of sweet innocents.

Next up in the revolution, having come so close to a romantic reunion with Paddy V in the summer, I am reliably informed our next move will be for a now slightly Faxe-expanded John Jenson, who will take the prodigal route and throw his not inconsiderable weight into our brittle midfield.

All this leads us to wonder is, who will then be our striking saviour?  Who will rally the youngsters and give heart to the forever and terminally injured?  Kevin Campbell?  Chris Kiwomya?

Once again, you are all wrong.  Completing our now youth-proof spine at the spearhead will be none other than the great Perry Groves!!

And you all thought it was doom and gloom, didn’t you?

Sunny side up people, sunny side up.

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  • Stevie

    god, I wish we did sign David james! Even at his worst he is still miles better than Flapinaski!

  • GoonerAndy80

    Arsenal dont need to buy this season, ok its fair to say we have been poor against Chelski and Man Who, but were they gained the points with wins over us, they throw away big point leads in the title race, we are outsiders, but we’ve played all our big games now and we’ve been hammering the rest for fun, we just got unlucky with the fixture pile up. Over the christmas period bookmakers, tv pundits, sports journalist…every body was talking about all our goals, saying we’d be the first team to reach 100 goals since for ever, this was long after the RvP layoff, for once their was a sense of belief from the football world that finally Arsenal should now be taking seriously and we should be, Sols away goal is priceless but if we dont beat porto, no disrespect to them but were 10times the team they are, they may have won it under jose(i love me), but we’ve be in this competition every year consecutively for years, a seasoned team, who just need to find a way to get our glorious team name on the trophy once and we will dominate for years to come, financially we have good money heads at arsenal, our ballskills and team effort and le boss all second to none, we are now proper contenders in every trophy. We need a new but 30 something old hand keeper in summer,when you look at the goals our keepers are letting in its all down to nerves, why were we determined to let Yens go, i know he was forever getting booked for being german most times, but what a keeper. We also need a no nonsense dm for song to learn off he’s my star player this year,why we doubted wenger, he’s just a little bit nice yet, ie: helping tottenham players off the ground, leave them there and when they get up put them on the ground again, I miss the days of our players seeing red cards, we used to train 10 versus 11 coz we had no fear, hard as nails, we need a war face, we’ve all the skill we need the bite we once had, teams never used to want to play us and now a days teams like Villa, Everton, and even the Yids all thinking they belong in the top four, everton fair play are the ones i wanna see make it because the rest have have tried to buy champion’s league qualification, Everton have a well balanced team with a great manager, who spend only to better a solid team. The rest including Man City all throwing money, training camps in warmer climates, but the final result will be the same, premature ejaculation they suffer from filling there squads with has beens from the top 3 clubs, they were our expendable baggage, the moral of my ramblings are in short, we are a team now to produce world class home talent, we just need to learn how to win a trophy, and then we’ll dominate for a long time… i look at us and the skys the limit. chamakh is the type of forward one part Thierry one part Anelka, type of striker were used too, and on a free too, turned down so many thousands extra a week with a no brainer, liverpool are in trouble if they dont finish fourth, they have half a team…i feel less angry now that ive finished this, i guess when all we get is bad press for playing football in a way, which inspires, which fills our heads full of hopes of glory, at the end of the day four competitions is all to compete for. Were starting to have more contenders fighting to get into the england team for the world cup, good for us, cos the last four or five seasons the winners have a good backbone of home talent, british players for a english league, some of the top players from europe think they are the business, torres great player but its a tough league, thats why english football is the most sought, most viewed and most supported league in the world. A hard as nails league, were only a handfull of great players will adapt, its alot for someplayers take, some to scared to come, it would be nice to be cheering on england with arsenal one of the best represented, chelsea’s ”special one” team is close to retireing back to the warmth, united about to retire a few, and liverpool in a bit of a mess, if they finish outside the top four though, their ability to attract top players is gone, and all the talented youngsters choosing our team to be nurtured, loved and educated. when you think of everybody slandering our team for not spending stupid money and Arsene’s policy for giving youth a chance, we may not have won anything with our team of talented youngsters, but such policys, which got many of us frustrated, it was clever thinking, a moment of clarity, Arsene has shown recently with with the signing of Wellington, Ramsey,and a list of come and get me pleas, the best of all tomorrows talent are rejecting the lures from the worlds elite all wanting to play for our club, we now have a great club, transisitional period? more like arsenal understanding the way the worlds finances would be changing, chelski, the city of manchester/dubai wealth, thought that they could make it impossible by offering stupid money, loads of add ons gimme gimme gimme players who’s alligance is to that of big wages, the Adebayour’s of the world, we benifited from dubai’s wealth though, its not our fault though, toure and the string of misery were trying to justify leaving Arsenal for silverware, not the cash right. 40 million handed to us for two players which Arsene recognised as dead weights, adebayour claims he wanted trophies, played for us, he showed skill for a big guy for bits and pieces, justified sometimes his wage bill at Arsenal, not them mad figures at city. Crouch is a better player, ball skills to boot, and probably gives 50% more in training for a fraction of the cost, toure won silverware at arsenal from the bench mainly, for me wasnt what we needed at the defence, big he was, looked the part angry, grrr, but defensively was left dumbfounded the league all the wingers, Lennons, Ashley Youngs etc, i think you cant just big and strong, legs are required, we replaced Toure with Thomas Vermaelan, cheaper, more middleweight than heavy, massive gamble for Arsenal cos Thomas was tracked by loads of clubs but they were strapped, very hard to spend all your money on a could be one for the future, well two fingers up to every doubter, just cost he’s borderline six foot he couldnt make, i guess you cant measure talent with a tape measure, if cesc in a worst case scenario leaves us, Thomas is my choice to guide us over the new decade, cesc done wonders for us even when he was injured we went unbeaten believe was there, our defence looked strong, gallas and Captain elect, i think cesc will still be here next year, i understand him wanting to return to better climates, but he owes us so much, arsenal should offer the contract which he rightly deserves as the highest earner in the league, then go, home eat piella in the sun go bless cesc, he doesnt need spainish football just yet, and all the ronaldo’s and kaka’s signed before this tax change in spain, which will put most off, a mickey mouse where chairmen have to promise to land fans favourites just to keep their jobs, english football is the envy and admiration from the world, and I’ve woken up today sat furious reading countless headlines of Arsenal always being bridesmaids, rooney for world player of the year, why cant everyone just admit that we have the most sought after player in our captain, rooney is a better finisher, fabregas provides more with his talent, passing next to none, movement with ease, the little engine that runs the show, a shining star in probably the most exciting, refreshing sides which everybody tunes into to watch when their on tv, man utd were the responsible for the early years when they spent loads, won loads now 800 in debt, owned by overseas. Arsenal are what the world are looking for, we play football mainly to a level which dazzles, i think the world loves watching Arsenal, closet Arsenal fans, but we fell at the final hurdle we’ve looked flat in games. Strange events (gallas protest), injuries to players injured by fouling because they cant keep up, everyone are rulling us out because Drogba 12 in 11 games hoodoo, the masses want Arsenal to win, their not alone, they are all afraid of the stick and showing ?? football knowledge, people in sports journalisim doubters, chelsea dominate us in matches, but we have a history, arsene can change his team when needed, chelski’s special one team is passing their sell by date, out of their next managers they kept the same team, three years since a league title, the bubbles burst. Arsenal should win a double, cos were now loved by everyone, gods a gunner, and jack rodwell has just made my morning 3-1, Man who, and the rest you cant polish turds

  • stevie

    wow, that has to be the longest reply to a blog ever, and all without a pause!

    Chelsea will win the league, United will be second and we’ll finish 3rd. If, and it’s a massive if, Wenger actually signs some much needed players then we will be a force.

    Chelsea will sign players and so will United. So expect them to be stronger next season.

    In case you’ve forgotten Stoke have beaten us twice on their ground so I would actually say next weeks game is our 2nd toughest game left out of our remaining fixtures. The Spuds away will be a touch game

  • Keith O’Connell

    I’m gald that you spotted the irony, but I actually agree with you Stevie, I would actually have welcomed the dodgy one! Sad times eh?
    I however cannot be on board with such pessimism. We have a better than 50-50 chance of beating Stoke, as long as we are strong and take our chances when they come. I know, I know, it is more than likely we will fail in at least one of those departments, but surely it isn’t unthinkable. And just look at Alan Hansen last night, writing us off next week already. I’d love to see that twonk eating his words again! If we can end out Brittania satium hoodoo, then anything, and I mean ANYTHING is possible for us this season!

    GoonerAndy mate, that was some reply…. Thought of writing your own blog mate?

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