Are you eligible for the Spurs Life Plan?

by Mystical Mike

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008
 

How to retire in style!

Need a Pension?… Are you worried about the future? Let’s face it, we’re not getting any younger and we all have to think about our lavish lifestyles, after our careers are over. Are you over 33? Are you well past your best?

Are you looking for an easy life? Yes? Then You Are Eligible For the Spurs Life Plan!!

Spurs pay you £30,000 a week, there’s a pointless medical, and no sales person will call (well you might get a shot in the private plane). CALL NOW!

There’s a FREE house, luxury car and limitless golf at some of England’s finest courses complete with Spas & Saunas.

Don’t take our word for it, read these recommendations by some of our satisfied clients;

‘When I’m no longer playing, I know my family will be financially secure’
Darren B , London

‘I recommend the Spurs Life Plan to all my family’
G Bale , London

‘The Spurs plan supplemented my pension, just when I thought it was too late’
E Davids, Holland

‘The generosity of the Spurs plan is unmatched in the world of pension finance. It was the best move we ever made’
Jamie and Louise, Essex

‘Even when everyone said I was too old, Spurs were prepared to supplement my pension with an outrageous offer’
Teddy ,  Chingford

‘Despite being permanently injured, I was still eligible for the Life Plan -year after year’
D  Anderton,  Bournemouth

‘Tottingham is for me doing it’
Ossie, Swindon

So don’t sit there worrying about the future-RELAX-That phone will ring!!

Spurs life plan is regulated by D Levy and his pals at the bank, and is funded by the 30,000 who have invested in the ‘THFC Season Ticket’ pyramid scam over the last 10 years

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  • Ray Rat

    Hello, yeeeaaaaaah! I’m Ray Rat.

    I’m 34 although I look 19. I have freckles and glasses.

    I’m also the proud owner of an amazingly high throw. I can launch the ball 50 ft up in the air, like a pitching wedge. The overall distance is 50ft upwards and 30 cm forward. It’s a real weapon!

    I would love to sign, what do I do?

  • Dexy

    I’ll have a word with me Peggy, I’m passed me sell by date and can only use one leg but I think I would be better then the current crop of crap players!

  • jackie Emu

    i am an old cart horse with trampy hair and one red shoe, I would love to be part of your great organization, I to would like sign up as I feel I can offer your team experience and k-know-how.

  • Weasel Juice

    I am what can only be described as a non-league andy cole…i need 45 shots to score. Of late I’m known for my blunders.Yes I can miss from a yard out. Can I join?. Does the catering have Kiwi fruits best in the world and asparagus tips?

  • dan bob son

    i scored 2 goals in hastings once and i was captain of the hockey, rugger & tennis teams.
    im now a webmaster an all round powerful man. i would like to join your establishment, however, i will need to see the contract first.

    tahnk, Dan Bob son

  • hartlepool legend

    Elephant runs…and two’s, two’s are my forte…I’m also a powerful ideas man and known for my mental strength on the pitch when the tough gets going my knee goes!
    I’m a people person who everyone gets on with i can change my character (white van driver removal van) to cross all walks of life…’he won’t like me’ to ‘we are now best mates’

    Quiet adept at the sweeper system using a hoover ‘best in the world poo poo’ with ipod murdering the stone roses and shed 7. I like kids yogurts and i’m looking around, maggot stop it croc.

  • darren

    can u cook like jamie Oliver peeling onions with marks and sparks best in the world wearing long coat?

  • Martin

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