Here’s the final installment of this Seasons Prem Wars trilogy sans the Lightsabres and Orks although the Death star does get a mention. This is how I fancy the top tier of the English league to look come May 2012. I’ll also have a punt on the Champions League. Barcelona…no surprise there then.

6 Tottenham

Tottenhams had a bad week with all the rioting and my heart goes out to the locals of White Hart Lane, hopefully for them, Harry and his troops can bring a smile back on the face of the North Londoners, they are already half way there when they look up the road at Arsenals woes. I seriously think they could be smiling at the end of the season too, especially if they can keep hold of Modric. The Croatian excelled last season and if they do keep him, I think they can overpower The Gooners for North London Supremacy. What they really need is a big target man or 2, Crouch and Defoe are starting to wane and Pav and Keano have never been up to it in recent seasons. The ideal target man would be Drogba but this is where the conundrum comes in, Modric to Chelsea for 20m plus Drogba. Some would say (Harry mostly), that Modric is worth 35m at least and is unsell-able. The same Harry who will go in for Scott Parker at the death and offer 2 m for the best player of last season. It’s how the man works and it sometimes pays of. I think Modric will go, Drog will go to White Hart Lane and Harry will do a load of last minute business. Samba, Cahill, Yossi and Parker come to mind. Personally, if I were Harry, I would have been wheeler dealing a few months back, Spurs have a lot of fringe players who I would get of the books. Palacios, Jenas, Bentley, Dos Santos and Bassong. I would have freed up some space and some dosh already letting them all go. Spurs are playing a dangerous game leaving it so late. Saying that, if it stays as is with Modric staying, they will be pushing Arsenal all the way, especially with Van der Vaart settling in nicely, I expect him to have a better season than last.

Dexys Diamond

Gareth Bale: If he can refind his form from the Champions Leagues games, Bale will be unstoppable, he needs to be more consistent though and avoid injury. If he can do this, I can see him hitting double figures, winning player of the year and bagging an Oscar for Planet Of The Apes.

5 Arsenal

What a summer for poor Arsenal supporters. I have to sympathize, if I had a board and manager like The Gooners, I’d start looking at another financially secure club like West Ham. Seriously though, they have messed up big time this summer. We all knew Cesc wanted out and Nasri was obviously thinking the same months back. Arsenal have held back longer and longer trying to persuade them to stay when they should have bitten the bullet early doors, taken the dosh (which will be an handsome amount) and invested in quality established new recruits early, get a full pre-season out of the and hit the ground running. They haven’t, the season starts tomorrow and Arsenal don’t know whether they are coming or going, I bet Fergie is wetting himself. This indecision is becoming worse and worse, not to mention Arsene’s stubbornness in relying on more youth, the same youth that finally matures into decent players and then wants to leave because the club don’t actually win anything. Of the new arrivals, 1 Million on a Charlton defender whose name escapes me, Chamberlain from Southampton, (one for the future Theo Mach 2, hopefully without the injuries). Gervinho, now we are talking, Arsene has actually invested in someone who can hit the ground running, I like the African a lot, He was Dexys Diamond at the last World cup and should fit in nicely. Juan Mata is on the horizon and he will fill the mould, if only Arsenal had gone fro him earlier, he had a cheapo release clause that has no surpassed. Why?? No sign of a decent center half yet mind, at least Vermallen is back. I would make that his 1st priority before Harry steams in Jag, Cahill and Samba would do the job.

Dexys Diamond

Aaron Ramsey: It would be easy to say RVP, as he is such an important member of the squad, especially now with Cescs departure but I’m thinking that Ramsey could be the difference this year. Overshadowed by the emergence of Wilshire while he was out with injury, the Wales midfielder is not there to make up the numbers, the thought of him and Wilshire in tandem may soon prove to be the medicine that takes away the nasty taste of Cescs & Nasri’s departure.

4 Liverpool

A game of two halves is a famous saying, a season of two halves is something I just made up but it sums up Anfield perfectly over the past 12 months. Under Roy, utter rubbish, not helped by media speculation and the sight of King Kenny in the background. Something had to give and it did, Kennys return re-ignited a spirit in Liverpool, which I haven’t felt for a few years. I’m not saying the are going to win the title but I fancy them to get a silver cup before next summer and a bucket load of goals en route. Kenny spent the dosh from Torres departure on quality with Suerez, Carroll & Downing making their way along to Anfield. Charlie Adam and Jordan Henderson enter the fray as well in midfield although I think Jordan is more for the future, especially if Stevie G comes back to form. What a team though going forward, we forget about Kuyt, will that be the first gung-ho 6 up field, I don’t know who will be chopped and changed but I can’t wait to see the new look team. They may need some tinkering at the back, they shipped a few too many goals in pre-season for my liking and Kenny will have to work on that. Enrique has joined so the full back positions look rosy but Carragher is getting on and I reckon Dalgliesh must be in the market for another center half, possibly 2 before the deadline – Jag, Cahill and Samba would do the job, do you ever get the feeling of Déjà Vu?

Dexys Diamond

Suerez: Uraguays finest midget is utter mustard in the box and will be up there in the Golden Boot ratings come May, possibly alongside Carroll.

3 Chelsea

I’m not sure what to make of Chelsea’s title ambitions this year. Young Manager Andre Villa-Boas (AVB) has been talked up as the new Messiah of The Kings Road, if he is indeed the son of The Special One, we could be in for a fantastic 3-way fight for the title. Chelsea haven’t been overly busy in the market this year. I’m not sure if that is down to Roman hiding his Rubles or that AVB thinks they have enough in the locker already. The club has one of the oldest quads in the league but that can be countered with experience. Most of the Chelsea side have won titles before have had had big nights in Europe. Maybe AVB is not the new Special One one but the new Tinkerman. I saw one of his tactics folders and it was like a blueprint for the Deathstar. This Portugeezer does his research, if he can keep is authority in the dressing room among some of the big egos, Chelsea, for once the underdogs could be biting back at the Manchester contingent. The key will be up front, Chelsea have been miserly with the goals against figures for years but at the other end, there is a deepening problem. Does Torres play or Drogba, There was no doubting Torres is one of the best in the world when played to his strengths but this hasn’t been seen in the past 3 seasons. Injuries have played a part I’m not sure if he will get any better this season. His form has been shoddy of late and he picked up a knock this week on International duty. AVB may have problems with Roman when it comes to El Nino. Personally I’d stick with Drog up front and have Daniel Sturridge on the right of a front three with Malouda on the left. A welcome problem will be the form of England’s Josh Mceachran. He is improving rapidly as his Ramirez and with the signing of Barcas holding defender Romeu and the possible signing of Modric, AVB may have trouble finding places for Mikel and dare I say it Fat Frank!

Dexys Diamond

Luiz: I was raving about him last season and think he will go to bigger and better things this term. He’s got a slight knock at the mo but if shows the sort of form he had mid season, I’ll be having a few nicker on him as Chelsea’s player of the season. I’d utilize him in front of the back four rather than in it, he is too good going forward to be restricted at the back. Chelsea would need to get in another Center Half though, maybe they could put Torres there short term, (He’ll probably be more useful than up front at the moment!) or maybe Jag, Cahill and Samba could do the job (Ok I’ll stop it now).

2 Man City

I was bang on in the predictions for this lot last year, I said 3rd & only way is up, I said in 2 seasons time when they will win it and still believe that, so that means 2nd this season and winners in May 2013, get on.  Another bonus for the Blue Mooners was the long awaited silverware of The FA cup. It was quite refreshing to see two teams who have waited an eternity for a good day out down Wembley, it wasn’t the best of finals but enjoyable all the same. Just a shame about the scheduling. Anyhow, the spending goes on and on and they have struck gold in Argie Aguero, He will definitely be in the mix for Golden Boot, the man is a goal machine. First things first though for Mancini, his no1 priority must be to keep Tevez. There are rumours today that he is actually staying now for a final season, unlike other sulky players, Tevez will always give 100% and the thought of him alongside Aguero if they can play together would put the fear of god into any defence. Man City are getting stronger all the time too, look at the spine, Hart, Kompany, Yaya and now Aguero, that has got to be the best in the league, possibly the world (Barca exception allowed) but they still have some issues of the pitch. Balotelli for all his skill and promise is still a distraction that Mancini may have to let go. Other transfers have included defender Stefan Savic & Gael Clichy from Arsenal who will fight for the right back pot with Kolarov. That’s the thing with City, they have so much strength in depth now and with Nasri on his way, the squad will soon be the best in World Football. I really think if Man U wobble with a few injuries, Man City could be ready to destroy them. Look at the subs, players like Dzeko, Adam Johnson and James Milner could be used sparingly this year as the likes of Silva become unplayable. This isn’t a very nice thing to say but deep down from an England fans point of view, I really hope bit players like Johnson and Milner have a serious think about their futures. It’s a tough call being part of the richest club in the game going places, but if it means only playing half a season, is it really worth it, especially with the Euros coming up next summer. So 2nd for this year and probably another Fa Cup, they have the Champions league too which may be a bit much this year, I expect a quarter-final-place for The Blues, give it a couple of years though and they could be in with a big shout in every competition going.

Dexys Diamond

Vincent Kompany: With all the plaudits going on the front men like Tevez, Aguero and Silva, sometimes you have to look at the back. Kompany just gets better and better and is the glue that keeps the back-line in check, they have one of the finest defenses in Europe and I’d fancy them to get most shut-outs this season too. The Belgian will be a big part of that.

1 Manchester Utd 

It will be tight but I’ve got to go again for Man Utd basing most of it on the performance of last week in the Charity shield, they never give up, never, the team spirit is unmatched in the Premier and in Fergie, they simply have the best manager going. He didn’t pussy foot about like others in the market this summer, he secured most of his top signing 2 months ago giving them time to settle in to the new surroundings, a full pre-season with their new team-mates. What a line up too, Ashley Young* will this season unleash a monster of a player that will soon have the Reds fans forgetting about the loss of Scholes and the demise of Giggs (He can’t go on forever and will be used less and less). In Jones they have completed the new look England center back pairing c2016 with Smalling who improves with every game. They will both be able deputies for Rio and Vidic and can be used if need at full back. Valencia who missed much of last season will be trying to get past Ashley and Nani who played a blinder last Sunday. There is still talk of Schneider joining, if this proves to be the case, Fergies Reds have it in the bag already, if not, then I fancy a tussle with the blue Neighbours possibly going down to the last day. Oh, I forgot there is the small matter of Rooney and the Little Pea up front. I won’t even go into that, we all know what they bring to the tablegoals.

Dexys Diamond

Vidic: Missed just 3 games last season, a monster in defence and one of the best center backs in the world. If there is one flaw in the Manchester Utd set-up this year, it is the in-experience of new keeper De Gea, Vidic will know all about this and will be trying extra hard to make it easy on the youngster.

*I spoke to Ashley Young on Jollys to Vegas a couple of months back, a very nice young man, he didn’t have a bad word to say about anybody, even Fabio. What a gent, what a player.

So that’s all folks, my eyes are stinging and my fingers are hurting but I have just given you the most comprehensive pre season preview you will find in the whole world by a West Ham fan in a dodgy trilby and penchant for Abbey Clancy. Hope you enjoyed it and hope you enjoy the banter in the den this season. Remember there is also a new dexysden podcast in association with UKFF and my11. You can subscribe free in itunes. Just search for “The My Left Foot Podcast”.

Happy New Season

Dexy xx

Part 2 of my season preview sees me look at the chances of the mid tablers. If it pans out anything like last season, these predictions could be all over the shop and separated by just 8 points come May. I’m on a hiding to nothing really ain’t I hey?

We continue….

14 Bolton

The Trotters disappointed me last season, I thought Owen Coyle really had something but the longer the season went on, the worse they got. They racked up a dismal 5 wins in the 2nd half of the season with only one win in their last 5. This was with Daniel Sturridge as well, if it wasn’t for him, they could have been playing Doncaster tomorrow. He’s gone back to Chelsea and big Jo Elmander who was one of the brighter sparks at the start of the campaign has trotted off too along with Matt Taylor. They will always have Kevin Davies to weigh in with strikes but apart from that, it doesn’t look pretty at the Reebok. Injuries have decimated the team in pre-season (Lee Chung Yong & Mears is a gutter) and if Coyle don’t get in some fresh faces, I can see another season of struggle, possibly even a relegation tussle.

Dexys Diamond

God, where do I start, surely not Kevin Davies again, oh go on then. He’ll need some help alongside him, SWP has been linked, he could play as the 2nd striker free rolling behind the big hitman, that’s if he joins.

13 Newcastle

I was a bit off target with my Barcode scanning last year and I apologise to all my Geordie friends. In Pardew, they performed well despite the sell-off in the New Year of Caroll and no real quality replacement. We start this season on Tyneside in turmoil. What in Shearers name is going on??? First they sell Nolan who was the fulcrum of the squad, Enriques left for the scousers and Barton is, well Barton, no one knows if he’s coming or going but something definitely smells iffy at St James Park. A few new faces have arrived but it’s hardly getting the Geordie masses in a frenzy. If Mike Ashley and the board don’t shapeup and if they do lose Joey and don’t get any real quality in sharpish, it could be Auf Wiedersain Pards and a possible relegation fight. I believe we will see another tight season points wise with just a few wins separation relegation and Europe.

Dexys Diamond

Demba Ba: With the loss of Nolan and possibly Barton, the Magpies could really do with a 15 goal a season striker. Demba Ba impressed with poor service in the Hammers frontline and could be the man to take on the goal-scoring mantel.

12 Aston Villa

Alex Mcleish has taken the reins at Villa Park and is about as popular as Steve McClaren who didn’t even make the interview. This could change throughout the season mind. Despite relegation with Birmingham, I’ve always thought Big Ek could be a very good manager given the funds. He takes over at Villa Park with some wedge after the loss of Young and Downing who will be gargantuan misses. He has bought in Shay Given from his Man City nightmare & he will guarantee some saved points, pure class on his day. The acquisition of N-zogbia as well was one of the summers finest bits of business. He will take on the wing duties that Downing left behind & the emerging quality of Albrighton will be on the other flank. Another plus could be Ireland, there is no doubt he has the class to be a top player, it’s if Alex can get it out of him though. Other than that, the team still look a tad lightweight for the top 10 and McCleish must address this pronto or the Villa faithful will be on him from the off. Fortunately, he has quite an easy start but if things ain’t going well by November, Big Ek could be the fall guy.

Dexys Diamond

Darren Bent. After the loss of the two wingers, Bent will have to go searching a bit more for service this year but I’m sure he is still capable of getting 20 goals in the bag.

11 Fulham

Hughes & Fulham did well with 8th & Europa League qualification through the Fair Play league last time out but obviously Sparky was sniffing around for bigger fish with potential moves to Villa and Chelsea at the tail end of the season (mmm that didn’t exactly work out did it Mark?). In comes Martin Jol and given time, I think he will make Fulham a permanent top 10 fixture but this maybe a season too early for the Dutchman. He inherits a decent squad who plays good football but are on the thin side depth wise (unlike Jol himself). Teams around Fulham have splashed the cash, maybe if Al Fahad spent some more nelsons on the squad rather than a bad Micheal Jackson statue, they could improve on last season but with Europa demands also coming to the Cottage this year, I think they will suffer a few of places in the league.

Dexys Diamond

Clint Dempsey: The yanks all round game is mustard and his ability to find the net as well as help around the box and midfield seems to improve year on year. Going forward alongside a fit again Z-man and a resurgent Duff, I think Clint could be the main man improving on his dozen last time out. I’m just gutted he isn’t Captain; Danny Murphy hardly works with my Captain America pun.

10 West Brom

West Brom had a mixed season last year with Roy picking them up mid season after his mare at Anfield and Di Matteos departure. He soon instilled the discipline and organisation for which he is famed and the Baggies went from strength to strength finishing finally in 11th spot. This season, I see them doing better now that Roys had a full pre-season. They will be hard to break down and be strong mentally. Attacking wise, I think they will do well, a front pairing of newly acquired Shane Long and Odemwingie will guarantee a strong return especially with back up from the likes of Brunt. They still need to improve further back up field, they conceded plenty of goals under Di Matteo and Roy is working on it with a strong midfield presence in Scharner and new signing Gera. If new No1 Ben Foster can plug the goals at the back, I’ll be looking forward to see how The Albion progress, maybe I’ll wait after the first 2 games though, Man Utd & Chelsea in a week, ouch.

Dexys Diamond

Peter Odemwingie: The Nigerian powerhouse pretty much saved WBA from a messy relegation battle with a 15-goal haul last season. As long as they can keep him fit for the whole season, he could be hitting the 20 plus mark.

9 Everton

As much as love David Moyes, I think this is the year where Everton really do suffer in the money department. We all know the miracles he performs but looking at the squad this year, I think The Toffees will be melting before Christmas. Granted, this is nothing new, their habit of slow starters/good finish is written into Premiership folklore but with persistent rumours of the Jag making a last minute switch to one of the top 5, I’m not sure if Moyles will be able to replace him. I may be wrong of course, Baines was exceptional last year and Fellaini will be back. They may have to rely heavily on the youngsters, Coleman and Rodwell will have to come to the fore and maybe we will see young Ross Barkley emerge who is thought of very highly in these parts. There is a move for Real Madrids out of favour Pedro but I’m not sure if his addition will get them anywhere near the European places next Spring.

Dexys Diamond

Tim Cahill: With a lightweight young squad and an injury to Arteta for the start of the season, Tim Cahills goals and experience will be crucial to get Everton onto a winning start.

8 Stoke

Stoke started to do something I have never seen them do before last season, they actually played some sexy football. The old kick and run of old was replaced with wing wizards Matty Etherington and terrorising full backs with some outstanding displays, they even reached the FA Cup final for the first time since the 70s sadly losing 1-0 to Man City.

If they carry on where they left off, Fabio may have to keep them in mind for next years Euros. Pulis is building on that form bolstering the back line with Upson and Jonathan Woodgate. If Woody remains fit (a big if), that would be a monster signing, on his day, he is world class. Along with Huth and Shawcross, that has to be the best centre half squad in the league as a whole (Cue Arsene looks grudgingly at the floor kicking a bottle).

Dexys Diamond

Jermaine Pennent: He may not be everyones cup of cha but he is undoubtedly getting back to his early career best which is good news for the Stoke front-line. If him and Ethers remain fit, I definitely believe Stoke could be the surprise of the season.

7 Sunderland

Player of the season Jordan Henderson has moved south to Liverpool for a massive 20m which has given Bruce lots of wonga to splurge, I bet his face was picture when that went into the bank account (a better picture than it usually is). Deep breath, are ready for this. Conner Wickham, Craig Gardner, John O Shea, Wes Brown, Ahmed Elmohamady, David Vaughn, Kieran Westwood, Sebastian Larsson, pant James McClean, Dong Wong Ji. So basically a complete makeover with some real quality, if Brucie can get them to gel quickly enough, I really think they could be going places. The first month brings some tough tests with Liverpool, Chelsea and the derby with Newcastle but after that, I think they could really be a force and nudging at Europe if Brucie plays his cards right.

Dexys Diamond

Seb Larsson: This was a fantastic bit of business picking up Larson on a free, he will putting in plenty of ammo for Gyan & Wickham, Gardner, O’shea, Brown, Segs, Vaughn etc etc etc

So that’s it for the mid tablers. I’ll be back with the final 6 places tomorrow.

Tatty byes x

It’s here at last, sort off, some games may be re-scheduled, due to the terrible rioting the country has seen over the past week, but hopefully things will run smoothly over the coming weeks. Back to the footy, there have been untold comings and goings in pre-season on and off the football field. Look at FIFA; Jack Warner is off and not getting charged presumed innocent, yeah all right Jack. He’s a goer & there will be others, Cesc looks like he’s finally off after a decade of will he won’t he bore-off shenanigans. Too many newcomers to mention and possibly more on their way, I’ll be keeping a massive beady on new Chelsea Boss, Andre Villa-Boas, he’s already keeping a smaller beady on Neymer (Obviously still not sure on Torres then). Did you see the Brazilians Maradonna 86esque goal a month back, the best goal I’ve seen this year. Anyway, without further ado, lets have a quick run down of how I think it will turn out come May, doing it a predicted back to front styly. Remember to listen out for us on Dexy’s Den podcast too, you can get it on itunes, just look for ‘The My Left Foot Podcast” from next week.

20 Blackburn

Blackburns chicken owning Venkys will be clucking for their team to hit the promised heights of Champions League footy in the next 4 years…yep, you read that right, unbelievable, they only won 5 of their last 21 games. Blackburn have never been my cup of chicken soup and I think they will be down by Easter Egg time, unless they get cracking with some decent investments. Their rock at the back Phil Jones as been snapped up by Fergie and he was half the reason they beat the cull in May, I foresee big Chris Samba will be on his way too, if not now, then definitely in the New Year, he is a fine player and was in my team of last season. Incoming Serb Petrovic is handy in midfield but young Myles Anderson couldn’t even get in at Aberdeen so he won’t be ruffling any feathers in defence, if he plays at all. Forward David Goodwillie for all his promise up front will be no help for the back line where the problems will be.

Dexys Diamond:

Chris Samba: The Centre half come makeshift striker is truly a beast of a man and put in one of the displays of the season when I saw him play at the Boleyn in Spring. If he does go to pastures new, Steve Kean is my favourite to be booted out of the chicken shack before any other manager.

19 Swansea

The Play-off winners bring a Welsh team back into the big time. It’s been a long time coming too, 28 years in fact but I’m very wary of it lasting that long with their miniscule budget. They have a fine young manager in ex Chelsea boot room boy Brendan Rogers who has taken Scott Sinclair with him from his Kings Road loan-outs season after season. Rogers has bought in Leroy Lita & Wayne Routledge plus Portuguese keeper Jose Moreira from Benfica, & Tottenhams Steven Caulkney on loan to bolster the defence. As much as I would like to see them do well, the hard working 4-3-3 attacking formation will be found panting at this level and goals may not be enough although their will be plenty with Graham, another quality forward from Watford joining the Swans attacks. I’m thinking Blackpool last season without the roller coaster.

Dexys Diamond:

Scott Sinclair: For a winger, 27 goals is not to be sniffed at, nor is his missus, Rosie from Corrie, I wouldn’t mind swanning around with her myself.

18 Wigan

So Wigan yet again survived the drop, fair play, they are getting good at it but I still think they are not good enough at this level and I fancy them to crumble come May, a bit like their very over-rated pies. N’Zog is gone and if he had gone 5 months earlier, I may have been writing about my beloved Irons, I’m not bitter, honest. Zog scored 4 goals in the last month of the season to secure Wigans safety but he will be missed massively at The JD. Cleverly is back at Man U too now so a lot of the responsibility falls onto the younguns, the 2 Macs, Watson & Moses. The back line is also a worry. Ali Habsi is a fine keeper but the men in front don’t help him and with no sign of any big name reinforcements, I feel Martinez may be waving goodbye to Wigan by next summer.

Dexys Diamond:

Hugo Rodallega: His goals will be crucial if Wigan have any hope of surviving this term. Joint top scorer with N’Zog last time out, he’s gonna need to hit a dozen at least if Wigan have any chance at all of surviving.

 17 QPR

Marmite whinge bucket Warnock is back in the big time after promising anyone who listened that it’s his last season in management (again). His bosses are loaded but seem a bit tight with the shackles so it looks like another Sheffield Utd scenario lingering in the lower depths come next spring. You never know, with Man City away on survival Sunday, maybe his favourite Argie Tevez can send him packing again (That would be priceless!). There are a couple of plus points for the hoops, he’s kept hold of Spurs reject Adel Taarabt and done some good business getting in Cardiffs Jay Bothroyd but a major gamble on Kieron Dyer and general not enough quality in depth may take it’s toll if injuries start to kick in*

Dexys Diamond.

Adel Taarabat:  The Championship Player of the Year, if he gets his head straight at Loftus Road, he could be a real star in the big boys league.

*See aforementioned sick note Kieran.

16 Wolves

Another season of bacon slicer dodging for Roy Keanes favourite Yorkshire man. Mick got out of the mucky stuff in the last throes of the season thanks to Hunts goal at the death. Fellow Irishman Doyle was missing for the final months and this didn’t help matters at all, Doyle in my opinion is one of the finest forwards in the league with his all round game. I even heard a rumor in the summer that Wenger was keeping tabs, it must have been a rumor, Doyle is an experienced international with a decent scoring record everywhere he has been, why would Wenger rick that. If he can continue is usual powerhouse form after injury and get some nice link ups with Fletcher whom I think will be playing as a front two, I think they will just have enough firepower to keep the wolves at the door (if you see what I mean).

Dexys Diamond:

Steven Fletcher: Fletch excelled when Doyle was out injured filling in as the lone striker and filling his boots with 6 goals in the last 9 games. If he gets games alongside the Irishman, he could become a key figure in Wolves push up the league table.

15 Norwich

Lets be havin ya! Out of all the promoted teams & from what I have read and heard, I think Norwich will come up trumps, mostly down to the excellent management skills of Paul Lambert. A little birdie tells me Norwich are definitely no golden tinged flash in the pan, boasting back to back promotions, they are my tip to be the pick of the newcomers. Talking of tips, Lambert plays a tight diamond formation with Dubliner Wes Hoolahan at the tip (expect to see more of him in an Ireland shirt soon) operating behind Holt and new signing Morison ho impressed for Millwall last season. Although they can play pretty football, they will need to close teams down relentlessly in the middle of the park, because the defence isn’t tight, especially when the Canary full backs are caught flying up field.

Dexys Diamond

Grant Holt: Norwichs player of the year and captain has scored 53 goals in 92 games in the last 2 years. Delia will be expecting another goal feast to be served up by the Cumbrian. See what I did there? I’m on fire!

I’ll Be back tomorrow with part 2, the middle ground.

With a week to reflect on the last 10 months of footy I can safely come to conclusion that it was a belter!  This 2010-2011 brought us the tightest Premiership in yonks with just the cats whiskers separating the top teams from the bottom. Some people are preaching that it was a very weak league compared to others of the past but surely the smaller gap points means that it is improving as a whole with the so called smaller fish giving the big whales a run for their money. I’d wager that most of our premiership teams would be top half certainties in any other European league. I’ll be taking a swift look at that as well as a brief look at Europe too and swipe at the bigwigs.

Let’s start with the premier League

My pre-season prem prediction in brackets

20 West Ham (13)
An excellent pre-season under Avram had me looking at lucky 13 for the Irons but it turned out to be the kiss of death. The hammers were simply shocking and even an influx of players in the mid season only brought about a mini resurgence before the rot started to set in again. I could bang on for hours about the Cockneys but won’t, just open any rag any day of the week and the owners will be doing all that for me. The appalling treatment of Avram over xmas with all the Martin O’Neill biz didn’t help at all and now the new Olympic Stadium tenants look forward to a fire sale of  the family silver (Parker & Green in particular will be massive but inevitable losses). The appointment of Big Sam will be the most crucial in the clubs history, let’s hope the Chairman spend less time in the papers and concentrate on giving Sam what he wants. If they don’t bring on the Air Asia take-over.

19 Blackpool (20)
In pre season I said “Ian Holloway is one of the games comedians and did a magnificent job of getting the seasider’s up, but like the big dipper, what goes up must go down and never has this been more so than with this group of players. They simply won’t cut it at this level and I can’t see anything higher than bottom.”. That assessment was pretty much spot although earlier in the season, everyone’s favorite 2nd Manager & the seasiders were ruling the roost with some excellent displays masterminded by Charlie Adam who surely will be on his way to Anfield. They scored hatfuls of goals throughout the season but were clumsy at the back. Unlucky on the last day of the season, the leagues top table will miss Holloway, let’s hope he bounces back soon.

18) Birmingham (9)
I think Alex McLeaish & Birmingham really performed badly in the 2nd half of the season, partly due to a few extra games in the cup run (although fairs fair, some fans would have taken that Carling Cup and relegation, it has been a while) and also the loss of Scott Dann in their defence. I fancied them equalling the 9th spot of the previous campaign but this year, they slowly got dragged into the relegation places (Although fair enough, there wasn’t much separating any of them a couple of months ago). I hear Big Ek is staying at The Brum but he will have big Ek-Ache if the owners tackle their own impending dosh debts by selling the cream of Birmingham. Their are some fine players who will be wanting away. If Alex can keep that defence together, he will have a big chance of returning first time round.

17 Wolves (15)
Part-time Irishman Mick McCArthy must be happy as Larry how things turned out on 2 weekends ago. When Kevin Doyle got injured a few months ago, I feared for for the Wolves but Fletcher stepped in just in time with some important goals and fellow Paddy Hunt finished the season at the death with a goal to keep the Wolves biting in the Prem for another season. I like McCarthy a lot, he’s not everybody’s cup of tea but I’d deffo want him with me if I was coming under fire in the trenches. I predicted 15th and think were it not for injuries to the boy Doyle, that figure was well within reach. Instead they finished 3 points behind that on 40 and surviving by a point. Proper backside on the bacon slicer time, as Mick might put it.

16 Wigan (19)
Things were looking decidedly crumbly in pie land when West Ham went 2 up in the first half at the JD, I was at that game and like everyone else around me, though it was bye di pie to the Latics. An hour later I was dreaming of Doncaster away and the people of Wigan were dancing on the pitch like it was a 70s saturday night down the Wigan Pier. I don’t know what Martinez said to them at the interval but it was certainly not his usual as Wigan used to be the kings of getting mullered, they have learn’t to man up and it has been rewarded with another season in the top flight thanks to survival Sundays 1-0 against Stoke at home (no easy feat). They will need more next season though if they wish to survive again (They have to improve the pies as well, best in the land???, I don’t think so.)

15 Blackburn (15)
I feel like chicken tonight etc, those strange Venkys owners, whats all that about, i wrote earlier in the season that they had no idea about the game, just loads of money, i earmarked them for a big fall with Kean at the helm but i hold my chicken wings up, they did ok. Early big name signings unsurprisingly didn’t materialize although i’m sure they could have got Razor Ruddock and Ronaldo back out of retirement with some well placed bargain buckets around the pitch. they had a few highlights, Olson destroying Liverpool in mid season and the crucial games in the last month. I’d be a bit worried for next year though, that is if Keano keeps his job at all.

14 Bolton (14)
The Trotters were trotting all over the top half of the table like they owned for a few months mid season but they almost got drawn down into the pigs*it of the relegation sty. They can still take some positives, since canny Jock Owen Coyle came in from Burnley and miraculously kept them up,
last year, it has been full steam ahead. I like Owen Coyle a lot, he tries to have his teams play football the right way, something Bolton have lacked in recent times. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if someone from further up the Premier League food-chain comes in for him before the season even gets going. I hear he desperately trying to secure the boy Sturridge for another season on loan, they would be a canny coup indeed,  he was sensational in the last few months.

13 Stoke (12)
Stoke started to do something I have never seen them do before this season, they actually played some half decent football. The old kick and run approach of last season was altered (slightly) and we saw the flanks on fire as born again wing wizards Matty Etherington and Jermaine Pennent terrorised full backs with some outstanding displays. If they carry on where they left off last week, Fabio may have to keep them in mind for next years Euros. They have both provided readers with plenty of newspapers inches in previous years with off the field problems, speeding, prisons, gambling, damn right stupidity (Jermaine boobed big-time when dumped page 3 stunner Amii from Birmingham after she proposed to him, have you seen this woman!). Anyway after brief stints away from the Prem, they both came back to their very best and were the driving force behind Stokes campaign and gave gun toting Rory Delap bombs a rest. It wasn’t only in the league Stoke caused problems, they reached the FA Cup final for the first time since the 70s sadly losing 1-0 to Man City. It wasn’t the prettiest of finals but it gave the Stoke fans great day out. Almost a jackpot season all in all for the potters.

12 Newcastle (17)
I was a bit of with my Newcastle prediction and I apologise to all my Geordie friends. I underestimated the team and spirit and think if they carry on where they left of, they could be challenging for a top 10 place next season. That and the 35m Pardew has had burning a hole in his Farahs since the last minute Andy Carrol signing in January.  With Tarzan boy Andys iffy injury record, that may have been deal of the season for lovable Mike Ashley. Pardew is great man manager and has really got the group working as one, something which may have not been on the cards after Chris Hughton was dismissed. Nolan and Barton have been fantastic yet again and with some nelsons to burn this summer and the boos having a full pre-season, I feel Newcastle will go from strength to strength especially with the under-rated Reo-Coker and Carlton Cole on Pards cards.

11 West Brom (18)
West Brom have plenty of previous when i comes to ups and downs but they really excelled this season. Di Matteo started the season playing some dishy footy but it wasn’t enough for the bigwigs at Brom, hovering around the relegation area in mid season was not good enough and The Owls took a gamble with paying him of and getting some one else in. The someone was Roy Hogdson who himself was having a bit of mare in his first months at Anfield. Within 6 months, Roy had swapped European Cup night Euphoria and God-like status down by the Thames with Fulham to giving Liverpool their worst start in donkeys years and a swift elbow from King Kenny to West Brom where he performed a miracle on a small budget. Will it be Fulham all over again for Rwoy and West Brwom? I think it might, especially if he can keep onto most of his players especially Brunt who is very under-rated in my eye.

3 lions time again at Wembley tomorrow and i’ll be down there to get behind the team, I may even get a game behind the first 6 the way we are losing center halves. After the loss of The Jag and The Slag, it looks like Rio will be put in with Lego-Head Lescott which for me is not the ideal pairing but Fabio hasn’t got much choice at the mo. Upson has had an iffy start to the season and despite a recent purple patch, won’t be in the back 4. Gary Cahill has been called up and I would personally give him a go in a backline of Glenda, Captain Rio and Ashley. Hart has probably done enough to keep his place after some excellent form in the last qualifiers. It is nice to see Green back in the squad too, his form against Spurs was fantastic. He may have his critics after the howler against the Yanks but he was Fabios no1 4 months ago, if he gets his head in order, it will definately keep Hart on his toes.

In Midfield, Stevie G is first name on the sheet, 2nd on the sheet for me is the other Johnson in Adam. This boy is going to be the new Waddle mach III after Waddle, and Milner. On the left it may be a close call.  Id deffo have Johnson on the right, Stevie tip of diamond, Barry tidying up and then Joe Boy, Ashley Young, Downing or even young Prodigy Wilshire on the left. I love Joe Boy but he hasn’t done diddly in the red of the scousers, a bit like the rwest of  Rwoys Rweds. Now it comes to the other 3. Downing and Ashley have both played very well so far this season, Ashley in a more advanced roll. What I would like to see is Ashley played with Rooney up front. Despite 3 out of 3 wins for the opposition, they are missing some players themselves and I think we should really have a go at them. I think Fabio may start with Crouch alongside Shrek but I would like to see Young at some point interchanging with Rooney and Gerrard. That leaves a place in the side for Wilshire on the left. He’s playing some lovely football so blood him early, he could flit around the centre too interchanging with Gerrard and Barry. It may be a bold move but I think it’s worth the risk. He has been taken out of the under 21 play-off which is a right kick in the nads for Pearce. I don’t think Fab would have done that unless he truly believed he was going to play Jack the Lad. Unleash him. As I said eighteen months ago after his performance in the FA Youth. World Cup 2018: Player of The Tournament. Jack Wilshire.

Many a wise man in football circles have taken out a subscription to the theory that consistency often plays a pivotal role in the achievement of success.

One such passionate subscriber, Professor Alan Nevill of the University of Wolverhampton, even took the trouble to publish an academic study on the subject.

World Cup runner-up and kung fu master Nigel de Jong believes that the Premier League title cannot be won without it, Blackburn’s current longest serving player Brett Emerton insists a Europa League place is dependant upon it and the best referees are expected to enforce the laws of the game with it.

So, in an admirable display of consistency in the form of three games, three defeats and three goals nestled in the against column on each occasion, West Ham United have stumbled across an inconsistency in the theory of consistency and have consequently been consistently tipped as relegation candidates.

And yet, existing as the anomaly is the least of West Ham’s problems with goals, points and a route out of the quagmire all glaringly absent just three weeks into the new season.

While Avram Grant is left to tackle this troublesome trilogy of turmoil, there is a further growing concern that is, and will continue to irk those who occupy the terraces.

The West Ham faithful are no strangers to adversity with the East London club partial to a relegation scrap.

But staying loyal to the club tradition of integrating academy graduates into a starting XI that admirably attempts to showcase a breed of football that sits closer to Arsenal than it does to Bolton on the aesthetic scale, while maintaining an element of ‘never say die’ has made each struggle, at worst, bearable and, at best, captivating.

Now in 2010 with the presence of Mark Noble, James Tomkins et al and assurances from the manager that something resembling the beautiful game is alive and well, if only in fleeting glimpses, during capitulations against Aston Villa, Bolton Wanderers and Manchester United, it is the increasingly noticeable absence of the third and final factor that tips failure into new realms of intolerability among supporters.

It is of no coincidence that players in the mould of Julian Dicks, Paolo Di Canio and Carlos Tevez hold pride of place in the hearts of many fans.

Passion in the face of adversity is what links the three players and the effervescent Scott Parker is the sole member of the current squad to have made significant inroads to joining them with back to back Player of the Year awards in the claret and blue of West Ham.

But even he has lacked that spark in the Sullivan/Gold/Brady/Grant era with the possibility that he has had his head turned by the offer of Champions League football at White Hart Lane.

This country loves an underdog and West Ham fans are no different but when it consistently materialises in Chihuahua form, it is only a matter of time before the flame of romance is exposed to the winds of discontent.

This afternoon brings around the Premiership’s most anticipated fixture of the season, well for Bolton fan’s anyway.

Bolton will be trotting down to the Boleyn ground this weekend aiming for their seventh (not a typo) victory in succession against the hammers in all competitions.

This fixture has become somewhat of a joy for the northerners whilst West Ham fans describe the fixture, against Bolton Wanderers anti-Football Club as they are also known by non-Boltonians, as their worst of the season.

The Hammers haven’t beaten the Wanderers since way back in 2007, when Bolton were qualifying for Europe, although things were about to turn for them following the departure of Big Sam the previous weekend. It was so long ago in fact that Carlos Tevez scored two of the goals in the 3-1 victory.

Speaking of 3-1 victories, this is the score line the Wanderers have won by in three out of the last six games against the Clarets.

One player relishing this fixture is Kevin Cyril Davies, who in East London mythology is described as being 10 feet tall, with two heads and razor blades for studs, but to Bolton fans is an honest pro/legend.

Big Kev as he is commonly called has a penchant for scoring in this fixture almost as often as Robert Green makes a mistake in it. In fact, he could almost be described as a goal machine when playing against West Ham scoring in five of the last six meetings.

The game is Avram Grant’s first at Upton Park and he will be hoping his team bounce back from the humiliation suffered at Villa last weekend when the team were in a giving mood on the opening day of the season, as they conceded three goals.

Both teams will be hoping to score their first goals of the season and gaining three points although a draw would not be seen as a disaster for either team at this early stage.

Key Men Watch:

West Ham – Scott ‘The Warrior’ Parker

The heartbeat of the team. This player is the soul of West Ham and most moves often involve him, so keeping him out of the game will be a key component for the Wanderers. The man tackles, shoots and never stops running throughout the game and if the hammers can hold on to him, it could prove to be the best bit of business in the transfer window.

Bolton Wanderers – Kevin ‘The Beast’ Davies

The battle ram of Bolton’s attack, West Ham know what a threat he can be. The Wanderers may gradually be changing their style of football but if they have Big Kev up top, then why not play to his strengths, especially against a team that usually gives him a free reign to head what he likes. Upson and co. will have their work cut out for the full 90 minutes on Saturday afternoon.

Part 1. The relegation also rans

Oh yes my footy crazed brethwen, it has been quite possibly the worst World Cup since I can remember but the wait is over, the Premiership Season is but 48 hours away and it’s promises to be scorcher. So many new faces coming and going and the usual influx of overseas youngsters stunting our development on the international stage but hey ho, sh*t happens and whatever we say, the power of the Premierships Big Nobs Nelsons will always win against it’s poorer FA brother.

So, come May, will it be Cheski doing the double again or will last weeks Charity Shield result be a warm up of Manchester’s domination….and that’s just the red half, Mancini’s ever growing Man City is strengthening by the day but there ain’t places for everyone in the squad. The last few days has seen O’Neill resign and David Beckham resigned to life without England. Will he make a return to The Premiership to give Fabio a nudge that he still has unfinished business with The 3 Lions? watch this space. Further down, will Roy the boy guide Liverpool back to big time and what will happen with Fulham with Hughes now at the helm down by the Thames. Talking of down, here is the first installment of my Premiership predictions starting with the cannon fodder down at the bottom. Look out for the mid-table lurkers and European contenders tomorrow.

20) Blackpool
As soon as the fixture list came out, my mincers scanned the name Blackpool because believe it or not, I’ve never been there and am dying to get on that big dipper, that and picking up 3 points and a stick of rock (or rock bottom in Blackpools case). Ian Holloway is one of the games comedians and did a magnificent job of getting the seasiders up, but like the big dipper, what goes up must go down and never has this been more so than with this group of players. They simply won’t cut it at this level and I can’t see anything higher than bottom. The poors transfers they have pushed through took a lot of wrangling, no one really wanted to commit to a club who are staring relegation in the face before a ball is booted. Holloway wants to bring in more players but his hands seem to be tied, even not so Marvelous Marlon Harewood originally blew them out after being messed about when the Chairmen stepped in. If that ain’t the winner of worst cuss of the season, I can’t wait to see the loser although I hear Heskey may be available!! (Just in today) Marlon has now signed along with 4 other household names in their own houses.

Dexy’s Diamond: Ian Holloway is the factor here but for how long, he is just 5/1 to be the first manager to get his marching orders, I hope not.

19) Wigan
Martinez will be skating on some thin Ice come Christmas if his Wigan outfit are lurking in icy waters of the relegation zone. He is another manager who could be in the firing line when things start to crumble in pie land. He has got to sort out the minds of his squad because when the chips are down, The Wigan boys break down faster than a filo pie crust pastry. They took some proper whippings last season when going behind and Martinez has to address this early doors before the trap doors start opening. Out goes Bramble and Melchiot so he may have a chance! The DW will see plenty of new faces with Argie Boselli being a dark horse scoring 2 on his debut; I’ll be keeping a mince pie on him. I also think Victor Moses will be a crucial component at The DW stadium in the coming months, in his few appearances last term he impressed me more than the filling of a Peters Pie and young McCarthy was very excellent when I caught him down at the Boleyn last Spring. They also have Rodellaga up front who is drawing admiring glances from the big boys, they need to hang onto him badly but I expect a big bid coming in soon so it may be too late.

Dexy’s Diamond: Kirkland will be kept busy again but on his day, he is mustard.

18) West Brom
Like Blackpools big one, West Brom have plenty of previous when I comes to ups and downs and I fear for them this season. They have a nice young likable manager in Di Matteo and some nice players up front playing pretty football but round the back is the problem. Nicky Shorey has signed but I still can’t see him tightening the Baggies leaky defence especially as he is a more attacking full back but the signing of Spain international Pablo Ibanez should help provide a bit of stability and experience at centre back if he adapts. Losing Greening to Fulham won’t help matters either in midfield but fear not, it isn’t all doom and gloom yet, they will score a few with Roman Bednar being backed up with Brunt and Dorrans in the middle. The Hammers were desperate to get Dorrans but all credit to West Brom forcontracting him for another 5 years, this could be a big season for him and his form will have be red hot if The Baggies are to survive the drop……again

Dexy’s Diamond: The Boy Dorrans.

17) Newcastle
I see the bookies have put the Geordies in as top half potential this season with some very generous odds. The reason I believe is so that they make a packet without getting burnt as plenty of the Magpies massive and loyal fanbase lump on. I don’t believe they will be anywhere near the top places, quite the opposite. I think they have team with a handful of decent premiership standard players (Smithy, Guitarrez, Nolan, Butt, Barton, Taylor, Routledge) and a couple of workhorses who will be given the runaround in this league. Andy Carroll may be the current darling at St James Park with his Tarzan Boy barnet and nifty goal scoring talent but this step up will be a real challenge and I think that they will be fighting for survival at the end of the season with Wigan and West Brom.

Dexy’s Diamond: Nolan, his experience, leadership & goals will be needed when the going gets tough on the Tyne.

16) Sunderland
Bruce is being busy in the transfer market at the moment but I can’t believe he has let Kenwynne do the Frankies to Stoke. If Bent get’s injured, it looks worse than Bruces conk! Fraiser Campbell has been in good form pre-season but beyond them two, there ain’t that many real goal scoring operators, although Danny Welbeck could be on his way. Young Jordan Henderson was rightly voted young player of the season and should keep the midfield ticking over nicely especially if Malbranque is used on the left to cut inside instead of running down blind cat alleys. We also have the arrival of Cristain Riveros fresh from the World Cup but he is also left based midfielder so maybe Brucey is going to be chopping and changing some personnel on that side. Further back Kieran Richardson is now a converted full back but may still get a few set piece chances. What worries me is the back-line. Craig Gordan is out for 3 months as well now so if they don’t get in a decent shot-stopper, I think it may be a dark autumn for The Black Cats. John Mensah is back but is not the player of old and Bramble might not get a look-in if Michael Turner and Da Silva perform. So a similar season to last I expect, a slow summer start, good performances in autumn followed by a crappiola mid season and revival in spring just missing out on a relegation dogfight with their neighbors down the road…………and Mr. Bruce whinging in post match interviews, especially if his forwards get injured.

Dexy’s Diamond: Bent, will need another 20+ haul to keep relegation at bay.

15) Wolves
Big Bacon-slicer bum warmer Mick McCarthy must be happy that his first season in the Premiership with Wolves wasn’t a one hit wonder like his woeful stint with Sunderland. The Irishman (well part Irishman but being called Mick helps) has to thank the excellent Kevin Doyle for pretty much keeping the Wolves in the hunt with his 9-goal feast last time out. Keeping it in the family, McCarthy has secured fellow Paddy and Chelsea favorite Stephen Hunt to add some agro to the side and link up play with his Republic teammate. Personally, I think Stephen Hunt is a fine player with a will to win that maybe be a bit over the top at times but is very effective. I watched Kevin Doyle live a few times last season for Ireland and Wolves and have to say he was one of the best forwards I saw all year. He has really improved from his Reading Days with Hunt and his hold-up play and general hard work should see another year at the the Leagues top table. He will have a better strike partner as well with Fletcher signing from Burnley who also impressed when I watched him earlier this year.

Dexy’s Diamond: Hunt for me although he will have to avoid the niggling injuries, he is struggling already.

So that’s my relegation favorites over and done with, check back tomorrow for my take on the rest of the Premiership!!!

Anyone want 3 tickets with me for an England international game tonight because i’ve got some and I can’t get shot of them. No surprising really, after the shambles in South Africa, I don’t think the FA are doing anyone any favours trying to milk the last bit wedge out of supporters. I’ve heard there is something approaching 20’000 tickets still unsold. If I was in charge, i’d try and get the public back on side before the Euros kick off next month. One way would be to dish out 20’000 of the tickets to football clubs at grass root levels, get the youngsters involved, get them to cheer on something and get them interested in the 3 Lions again rather than watch them 2nd hand through the media which is really putting them through the ringer of late.

The latest bombshells in the camp include Paul Robinson and Wes Brown announcing their retirement after being selected at the weekend (a nation mourns). It’s the same Carragesque scenario saying they don’t want to be 3rd or 4th place in their positions. You know what I say..F*ck em, if they want to turn their back on their country, good riddance, you both weren’t much cop anyway (Has Wes ever had a good game for England? he is more error prone than Glenda at this level, at least Glenda gives you an outlet going forward).

This is what is wrong with our players now, I would love to be in that kind of position, even being considered for an England squad is the stuff of dreams but some players see it as a burden. Or does it run deeper, have they just got the needle cos there are better players about. Why don’t they get stuck in, up their work rate, bust a gut to get back into the first team, isn’t that what being a professional is all about, trying your best or is it about not liking the competition and giving up? I’m sure this might get on the wrong side of a few of you but it’s how I feel, especially when I’m shelling out to watch England and hear of these part-timers throwing in the towel. If they were gonna retire, why didn’t that say so before? Is it just a big up yours to Fabio for not selecting them before. Would they have said no if it was 2 months ago???

Talking of the great man, (I still think he is great), Fabio at least had the nuts to come out and apologise at the weekend. He’s had a few weeks of getting it together and come out fighting, I’m still behind him and I hope Wembley isn’t a hive of boos tonight, I’m still of the thinking that behind the scenes aggro and in-fighting was the problem and the players, not Fabio have to look at themselves. Is it me or weren’t we looking the mutts nuts before the Bridgegate?

The iron sergeant was getting an hiding a few weeks back for not being at the under 19s tourno but it is common knowledge he spoke to Baldini, Pearce, and all the other backroom staff who were keeping tabs on it and they even said it was not worth going to as all the players were a long way of from full honours. It isn’t as if he ignored it, he watched every game and then watched them again and again and kept in regular contact with management so I wouldn’t get on his back for that, after all the cr*p he had to put up with in the last few weeks, he needed a bit of time off.

Well, rant over before i punch something. Let’s look forward a bit. At least we have some decent youngsters too look forward to, Hart, Wilshere, Johnson and a bit of brawn in the Jag who I really rate. Oh and of course Z-Man and Carlton Cryuff up front, especially if Bent is out. I hope to see us try out some different formations and give Johnson a chance to run at defenders, he really think he is the best proper winger we have had for yonks.

So, come on boys and girls, lets get behind the 3 Lions, what’s done is done, let’s look to the future, I’ll be cheering them on, even if I’m on my tod!

Australia

The Ozzies are in the mix again and I’d rather we avoid them early doors. They did well in the last World Cup (a Totti last minute Pen knocking them out) & can turn it on if they stay off the Castlemaine but an ageing squad is a worry. They would love a win against us to make up for their Ashes defeat but sorry Bruce, when it comes to big round balls, we’re the crocs boll*cks mate!

Dexys Diamond
Harry Kewell has unsurprisingly got a knock and may be doubtful for the starts so they will heavily rely on Millwall reject Cahill’s goals to get them any further than last time.

Germany
Undefeated in qualifying and getting the better of Guus’s Ruskis, Joachim Low will try and go one better than Klinnsman’s semi last time round. I’d love to say nein chance but Ze Nationalmannshaft always do well. They don’t look as strong as previous years though. Ballack is out and Klose has not been a starter this season so may be a bit rusty. Maybe Podolski will be the difference if he can repeat his 2006 form. We may be facing them in the last 16, let’s hope it don’t go to pens again.

Dexys Diamond
Bastian Swinefacesteiger will have to take control in the middle of the park now that Ballack is out. The pug-faced Kraut helped me secure £500 nicker at the last world cup in the fantasy footy and will be hoping to repeat his good form for Bayern this year, his bird gets it too.

Ghana
Ghana are among the 6 African teams in this WC but I can’t see them getting any further than the 1st round. Appiah, Muntari, Gyan & John (He comes from Africa, he’s better than Kaka) Paintsil! on their day are all brilliant players except for Pantsil. I fancied them before the draw was made but after the loss of the brilliant Essien and being in the 2nd hardest group, The Black Stars will have a job of containing some of the more organised teams.

Dexys Diamond
The Black Stared Diamond for me now will have to go to ex-Portsmouth powerhouse Sulley Muntari. A steam-rollering midfielder with a wicked longshot on him, he will be testing the new footballs swerving ability severely. Will it be enough though for Ghana?

Serbia
Like an army of Ivan Dragos, I wouldn’t fancy a run-in with the Serbs. They kept the cheating Frogs in 2nd as they walloped Romania in their last game. Coach Antic has overseen, Barca & both Madrids so knows his onions. Robot-like Vidic, Stankovic and Krasic may cause a few upsets, as long as they don’t short circuit in the early games. I did fancy them as potential last 8 shoe-ins until I watched them at the weekend against Poland. A fairly disappointing show, but then again, we didn’t exactly set the world alight against Mexico and Japan.

Dexys Diamond
I’m going for Stankovic because his experience and excellent leadership plus I’ve still got his old Lazio shirt in the wardrobe. He’s been around for an eternity playing for 3 national teams (Yugoslavia, Serbia & Montenegro and now Serbia) but is still a cut above playing for Champs League winners Inter.

Algeria

the Algerians knocked out Egypt literally in a bad tempered play-off. I doubt they’ll being knocking anyone out next summer though. We should run up a cricket score against this lot. It wouldn’t surprise me if Fabio puts out a few fringe players if we go 2 up before half time. The group c cannon fodder.

Dexys Diamond
Karim Ziana is pretty handy on the wing but shouldn’t cause too many problems.

England
Now we’ve got Don Fabio in charge and as long as we can take a fit squad with us, it’s a no brainer, 66 all over again. Dancing in fountains, mini-skirts, Mods on scooters, Beatlemania, bring on the free love; we’ve never had it so good.
Rio will be a miss but I still think if we can get it right psychologically and Fab continues his half time tinkerings, we have as good a chance as any. Bring it!

Dexys Diamond
Rooney would be the automatic answer here but we all know he will be on fire. It’s Gareth Barry who we need, he was a Fabio favourite in all the qualifiers and gives us the natural balance in the middle. The sooner he is back in the starting line-up, the better our chances. Simples.

Slovenia
Slovenia Slovakia, I’m always getting them mixed up. I don’t actually know much about Slovenia except that the crumpet over there is different gravy so I’ve been told. I beat the Russkies in the play-off so they do pose a bit of threat and could sneak through to the knockouts.

Dexys Diamond
Keeper Samir Handanovic (a handy name for a a goalie) is among one of the best in the game and the strong point in The Slovs defence 6 clean sheets en route to the final says everything.

USA
USA! USA! Not the greatest song ever but being at the USA V ITALIA fan fest was one of the highlights of my time in Germany in 2006. The yanks bring a bit of noise and banter despite having 1 song and never really hitting the heights. As for gold? not this time Uncle Sam. They shocked Spain in South Africa a year ago and ain’t far behind the big boys with there aggressive prem-like style. I do see them in the last 16 mind and I think we may be looking at goal difference with us and them for 1st & 2nd in the group. Very organised and very fit, The game next Saturday will be important in how our route to glory pans out, i just hope i’m sober enough to watch it properly.

Dexys Diamond
Landon Donavan. He was absolutely hot doggin’ mustard for the 3 months when he run the right flank over at Goodison. A danger at set-pieces too, we must be on our guard against the yank flier.

Argentina

Mmm, let me think of something nice to say about the Argies…..er……erm……..you can’t beat a nice bit of Corned Beef and piccalilli? The best team on paper managed by the best player ever (maybe after Pele, Bobby, The Kaiser and Johan). When it comes to tactics though, he is pony, how dirty Diego is in charge after the drugs shame of 94 is a joke but then it’s Diego Maradonna and Argentina). It will be funny to see his press conferences if things start to go pear shaped for the pear shaped manager. Any team with Messi though could win it, even though his form for the National team is newted by Maradonnas tactics. Not that he is their only hope. From front to back, they have the players to bring home the trophy again and I expect goals galore if they click, it’s a big if blue & white stripy if though.

Dexys Diamond

The best player of his generation, young Lionel, goes without saying.

Greece

I’d love to see the Greeks upset the odds again but the former 100-1 Euro champs haven’t got much in the wooden horse locker this time. The Den’s big boss man will actually be flying The Greek flag on his hols out there in the med so maybe we’ll get behind them as the Den’s unofficial 2nd team, especially when they play Diego’s mob. Expect the same hard as nails, robotic organised bore fest as in 2004 & a Greek tragedy in scene 2

Dexys Diamond

Theo Gekas is the Greek God with the winged boots. He dispatched an impressive 10 goals in qualifying although 6 of them were against Latvia so don’t start doing each way goalscorers bets just yet.

Nigeria

The Super Eagles were getting on a bit when I covered the last African Nations so expect some grey hairs in the showers. Maybe we should call them the bald Eagles. They still have some class in Martins, Yakubu, Kanu, Mikel, Yobo and erm Shittu so they may soar with a bit of luck, they will need plenty of it though, new coach Lars Lagerback has only been in charge for a few months.

Dexys Diamond

Obi Martins will be relishing getting his feet on this new ball and whacking in some longshots, I think he’s quality when on his game and I will be putting him in a couple of goalscorer bets. He’s 9-4 joint fave with the Yak to be his countries top marksman. Get on.

South Korea

The best fans on show when they hosted in 2002. That win against Italy lives long in the memory. I doubt they will hit such heights this time but I hope they last longer than their neighbours from up north (that shouldn’t be too hard). They are in an intriguing group and it all depends if Argentina turn up. If the Argies go to pot, The Koreans could sneak through along with Greece if they press the big guns.

Dexys Diamond

Park Ji-Sung is the South Korean version of David Beckham without the nancy haircuts. I like him a lot and think he is very under-rated. His tireless work will be crucial if his team are to progress.