Indesit Football Talents: four great teams, 64 players,

and a final at Emirates Stadium.

 64 winners will be selected by the online community and a jury including Arsenal, AC Milan, Paris Saint Germain and Shakhtar. On 15 May 2012, four 16-man squads will compete at Emirates Stadium.

 February 2012 – Indesit, official partners of Arsenal F.C., AC Milan, Paris Saint Germain and Shakhtar Donetsk, is launching the Indesit Football Talents competition, offering football fans across Europe the opportunity to fulfill any football fan’s dream, to compete at Emirates Stadium, London.

Video for embedding - http://youtu.be/6ox9VkefhFQ

Indesit Football Talents is a contest in which football fans throughout Europe can register and be selected by Arsenal, AC Milan, Paris Saint Germain and Shakhtar Donetsk to wear their colours and be coached by living legends of international football at a real football training camp. Finalists will then have the honor of playing at one of football’s temples, Emirates Stadium in London, home of Arsenal Football Club.

The contest commences on 20 February 2012 and is open to men and women who are at least 18 years old. Participation requires registration at the website football.indesit.com or the Facebook page facebook.com/IndesitFootball.

Once registered, candidates can create a profile and will have until 13 April 2012 to upload material showing off their football talent in the form of videos (lasting no more than three minutes), photos (in .jpeg format no bigger than 1MB) or texts (maximum 2,000 characters).

The goal is for candidates to show off their football talent and demonstrate a true passion for the game.

Selection will be in two stages: the first will be carried out by the entire online community, who can vote their favourite performances (by 13 April 2012) to produce a shortlist of 250 contestants.

In the second stage, a panel from each club will then judge the shortlisted candidates and on 26 April 2012 announce the four teams, each with 16 players, who will meet in London on 15 May 2012.

The celebrity judges broadcasted in the viral videos promoting the activity online are Arsenal’s Vermaelen, Djourou, Walcott and Wilshere, AC Milan’s Boateng, Aquilani, Emanuelson and Bonera, PSG’s Lugano, Maxwell, Jallet and Hoarau and Shakhtar Donetsk’s Mkhytaryan, Srna, Luiz Adriano and Pyatov. In the videos they embody the jury that will enable the lucky winners to see their dream come true, that of being coached by international football legends and playing in one of the world’s most famous football stadiums wearing their club’s strip.

“We’re delighted to be launching this project, which we’ve put so much energy and enthusiasm into, because it’s a perfect expression of the concept of talent and puts at the centre of the whole operation the Genuine Football Fan, the cornerstone of all our football activity,” explained Indesit Company Brand & Consumer Marketing Director Marco Rota, who also pointed out that “the formula we’ve devised doesn’t only involve the active contestants but the whole community, who do the first stage selection. In this way we intend to reward all our users, who’ve been growing in numbers, and enthusiasm, ever since we set up the platform”.

Indesit’s initiative is a new step in its strategy to position the brand in the world of football, which it launched in July 2011 by sponsoring Arsenal, AC Milan, Paris Saint Germain and Shakhtar. The project’s underlying concept is that of the genuine football fan, a concept that neatly sums up the essence of the Indesit brand – genuine efficiency.

The rules for taking part in the Indesit Football Talent contest (in English, Italian, Russian and French) can be found at http://football.indesit.com. There is also a link to the homepage of this site on the brand website www.indesit.com.

I’ll always remember the first game of football I ever went to: I was aged six; the location was Aggborough in Kidderminster as the Harriers took on Aston Villa in Graham Allner’s testimonial. It was a few years before I was ever introduced to top flight football at Villa Park or First Division football at Molineux.

From that day on I was hooked, I was bought my first Harriers shirt and my first Harriers scarf (which I still wear to every match to this day). Even having been introduced to top flight football my love for lower league football never left me and there are many reasons why. Here’s just one:

Like every football fan, I’ve had my highs and my lows following the football club that I love. We’ve won the league, suffered relegation and thrown away a two goal half time lead in a cup final. There’s been moments I will always remember and one’s I’d rather forget. I’ve seen us make history in more ways than one, devoted countless Saturday afternoons and Tuesday evenings and watched us up and down the country – from last minute winners to crushing defeats; I’ve seen it all over the last 15 years.

But there’s something you get supporting a lower league club that you don’t get higher up the divisions: and that’s a sense of community.

Now, I can hear you all saying, “What a load of rubbish, of course there’s community higher up, all our fans stick together. Take Liverpool, for example, singing ‘You’ll never walk alone’ before every home game.”

This isn’t what I’m saying: In the lower leagues – and in particular Non-League – everyone is part of the community, no matter who you support. There will always be rivalries and fans dislikes for each other but in general we are in it together.

Lower league fans know it’s not all about having money and winning all the time – because that never happens, otherwise we wouldn’t be in the lower leagues – it’s about supporting your team through thick and thin. And that’s why, when we see another team struggling we help them out because we know just what that football club means to its supporters.

Last season, something happened that stuck with me, and shows just how fantastic lower league fans and clubs are. My team, Kidderminster Harriers, were about an hour away from liquidation. The weekend before York City – now a local club for me – had a bucket, well a few buckets, go round their ground raising money to help us survive. They raised £750 – not a massive amount – but it all went towards the £155,000 we needed to keep going.

And I give you two other examples from this week alone: Wrexham – a club who last season were close to going under themselves – this week helped to raise around £1,400 for Kettering Town whilst Cambridge United have announced that their next charity collection will go towards the Darlington FC Supporters Trust.

It’s this level of support for one another that proves to me how fantastic the lower league community really is. You don’t see other clubs banding together to try and help the likes of Portsmouth or Plymouth. Okay, their levels of debt are far superior but the thought doesn’t seem to be there.

This is just one massive reason I love and always will love lower league football. I’ve supported teams higher up for various reasons (none of your usual Man United or Arsenal’s though) and moved on. I don’t get half the emotion from watching any of them as I do watching my fifth tier side. This is where the beautiful game is played – whilst the top divisions are tainted by finance – and we get on with it on minuscule budgets out of a pure love for the game.

For more from Ed Watson visit his sports blog at http://watsonscommentary.wordpress.com/ or follow him on twitter @edwatson91

Deloitte report assessing the financial impact of The FA Cup reveals: £650m earned by clubs in the past 10 years Crawley Town receive £1m pay day from single FA Cup tie

 As excitement builds ahead of The FA Cup with Budweiser Fourth Round Proper, the financial impact of the competition has been revealed in a new report by the Sports Business Group at Deloitte. The findings demonstrate that a total of almost £650m in prize money, TV payments and gate receipts have been generated by participating clubs in the ten years between 2001/02 and 2010/11. Focusing on case study clubs from five tiers of English football it highlights the substantial financial benefits for clubs at all levels of the football pyramid.

Last season’s eventual runners up Stoke City reached The FA Cup Final for the first time in their history. The Potters cup run earned them circa £3.5m, including £1.8m prize money from the Semi-Final and Final alone.

For clubs further down the football pyramid, a draw against higher league opposition provides an opportunity for a cash windfall as well as the chance to go down in history as one of the competition’s giant killers. In 2004 Millwall reached the Final, despite being outside the top flight, and whilst they lost on the pitch to Manchester United they certainly won off it. Revenues from the competition contributed to 29% of total club revenues for the season.

Last season, League One side Leyton Orient famously took Arsenal to a Fifth Round replay at the Emirates, a run that generated circa 30% of total club revenues for the year. The importance of The FA Cup’s financial impact is also highlighted by League Two side Accrington Stanley’s run to the Fourth Round in 2009/10. Reaching this stage of the competition provided the club with a cash injection of circa £150k at a time when the club faced an uncertain time due to financial difficulties.

For non-league clubs the financial impact of The FA Cup is even more important. In 2007/08 Havant and Waterlooville reached the Fourth Round, twice having led against Liverpool at Anfield before eventually losing 5-2. The Cup run earned them circa £0.6m, 70% of the club’s total estimated revenue for the year.

Last season’s giant killers elect Crawley Town earned themselves a dream Fifth Round draw at Manchester United after beating Torquay 1-0 in the previous round. The lucrative tie at Old Trafford earned the club an estimated massive  £1m pay day, two thirds of the circa £1.5m they earned during the competition.

The figures outlined in the report show how a good run in the Cup is beneficial to clubs at all levels with revenues generated through prize money, TV payments and gate receipts.  Prize money and TV payments totalled £230m over the ten year period with £24.5m paid out in 2010/11, whilst gate receipts are estimated to have exceeded £400m over the same period driven by total attendances of 22.7m.

Alex Horne, General Secretary of The FA commented: “The FA Cup is the most authentic knock-out competition in the world, every year it delivers magical moments for fans. This season we’ve already witnessed Tamworth gripped by FA Cup fever and Oldham supporters turning out in force taking 6,500 fans to their tie at Anfield. What this report reveals is the huge financial incentives for teams participating in The FA Cup. You only have to look to Crawley Town last season, who earned one million pounds from a single game against Manchester United, a truly phenomenal amount of money for a then non-league football club.”

Barry Hearn, Leyton Orient Chairman commented: “The FA Cup is the biggest Cup competition in the world. It’s a big chance for all small clubs to have their moment in the sun and get a little bit of glory, whilst the financial returns are also fantastic. It is miles ahead of everything else because of the pleasure it gives to ordinary football fans throughout the entire country, providing memories that last for generations not just for weeks.”

Already this season there have been two sackings, two resignations and two departures by mutual consent in the Football League alone, including two ex-England managers; Steve McClaren and most recently Sven Goran-Eriksson.

Following numerous reports of the costs of sacking a manager in the press recently you would have thought club owners would think twice about sending their current choice on their way.

It seems somewhat ironic that quite often departure is virtually guaranteed following a board’s vote of confidence in a manager. Too many times do clubs owners follow this seemingly unnecessary and strangely misleading procedure, suggesting they are as incompetent in charge as their failing manager.

It has happened multiple times in the lower leagues this season and I can almost guarantee it will happen in the Football League as well.

However, I was still a little shocked to find out this morning that Darlington manager Mark Cooper had been dismissed despite it being a perfect example of what’s written above.

The reason it caught my eye is because I recently saw Darlington play in their home game with Kidderminster Harriers on October 15^th. With this being a rather long journey for an away fan I took the time to read the entire match day programme.

Located on page seven was that weeks thoughts of the chairman, Raj Singh. Within this page of what now turns out to be rubbish he made it crystal clear that he’d considered a change in management but “a change now is not the answer.”

He goes on to mention that “you tend to find the clubs who enjoy success have backed their manager through rough patches” before urging fans to get behind Cooper and concluding that “a kneejerk reaction is not the answer”. He even goes on to compare the situation to that of Steve McClaren and Nottingham Forest and how that hasn’t worked out for them.

So, here we are ten days, three games and one win later and Cooper becomes the latest managerial tragedy of 2011, sacked by a chairman who less than a fortnight ago gave him his full backing.

Singh acknowledges that he gave Cooper his support two weeks ago on the clubs website and insists he and Cooper separate on good terms, but there’s a part of me that can’t help think that Mark Cooper feels somewhat bitter that the time he was assured he would be given by the chairman lasted a miserable nine days.

So I ask, as a confused football fan, how important really is a managerial contract? Seemingly for the majority of clubs it really is meaningless.

Perhaps a better system for those types of chairman would be to simply only offer out rolling contracts. That way it skips the whole process of cancelling a contract and thus would save the club some serious money which could be better invested in a new manager or players.

Of course, this would be somewhat unpopular within the managerial world, however at least they know where they stand. There really is no need to offer a two year contract when you’re only going to sack him six months later.

For now it seems that for most clubs this absurd cycle of impatience and incompetence will continue, with chairman turning on their word and expecting instant results from the next man destined to imminent failure.

If Leicester can find a better man for the job than Sven, or Forest can better Billy Davies than perhaps the millions they wasted on replacements and compensation may have been worth it. But for now it looks like two boards desperate pleas for success and having no idea how to find it.

Jamie Lawrence Academy 4 – UKFF 3

An extremely proud and historic day for UK Football Finder occurred on Saturday 3rd September 2011. At one of the oldest senior clubs in the country, Colliers Wood FC, a new  era began as  members from UK Football Finder came together to form a side to compete against the Jamie Lawrence Football Academy – the academy of an ex Premier and International footballer. The UKFF side had literally never met before until 90 mins before kick off. Having been put through their paces by Site Owner and FA qualified Coach Darren Irving and managed by Ewemade Orobator  (who used the site to discover players for his side including Abdul Razak who went on to play for Man City in the Premiership ) the scratch trial side were professional in all but name.

You could not tell this was a team that had met just minutes before but you could tell it was a team that was serious, focussed and determined to give a shot at pushing their professional aspirations to the next level in front of the watching scouts and supporters.

In a blistering match which saw a very composed UKFF side take the lead on 15 minutes, with a well-taken goal by Alexander Akosile. JLA soon equalized, before taking a 2-1 lead. However, UKFF dug deep as Ransford Davies-King made it 2-2 just before the break.

The second half was always going to be about fitness, but it was evident for everyone to see both sides were evenly matched in every department.

JLA made it 3-2 on 55 minutes before a defensive mix gave Artur Stella the chance to equalize for a second time, he took his chance with aplomb.

With 2 minutes to go UKFF look to have pulled off a sensational result, until JLA scored a devastating fourth to make it 4-3. Akosile had a superb chance to make 4-4 but was unable to convert.

A narrow 4-3 defeat but the match was a credit to UKFF, its concepts, its belief and its ability to offer the opportunity to make life changing impacts on any player that uses it.  But above all else, the players were an absolute credit to themselves and a delight to work with.

The season has not yet begun, and four football clubs with proud histories have had to either resign from their leagues or have been consigned to the history books altogether.

Not many people will bat an eyelid as another five clubs are added to the ever growing number of clubs who’ve faced financial trouble in recent times (Merthyr Town, Chester FC, FC Halifax Town and Ilkeston to name but a few teams), but to the fans of these clubs these problems matter.

When a town or village loses its sports team (any sport) it loses part of its history and heritage.  Andover FC famously gave the football world Nigel Spackman, who won the league with Liverpool.  He was their local boy made good.   Bicester Town once entertained Championship side Portsmouth in the FA Cup and Rushden & Diamonds were members of the Football League not so long ago.

So why do clubs keep getting into trouble?  Is it because they know they can reform further down the football pyramid and start from scratch (as Windsor FC will be doing in a few weeks in the Combined Counties Premier League), or are they unfortunate, have corrupt owners more intent on lining their pockets than having a successful football side, or do they just fail to budget properly?  Answers on a postcard, please.

What can be done to address this problem, and how do we ensure that no club will suffer the fates of these clubs and ones before them?  Well, until 2008, a site existed which aimed to match up people interested in helping clubs with clubs in crisis.  Indeed, that was the name of the website – clubsincrisis.com – which was set up by Brighton fans, whom famously suffered the loss of their old Goldstone Ground to crooked owners and had to spend years at the less than adequate Withdean Stadium before their new AMEX Stadium was built at Falmer.  The site went offline, due to funding problems and also a few of the potential saviours of clubs turned out to be anything but.   A new site, built around clubs in crisis is apparently on its way soon but too late to save these aforementioned clubs.

Fans always say that money has ruined what Brian Clough famously called ‘the beautiful game’, however is it more an imbalance of money which has ruined the game, with the elite clubs getting richer and clubs in the Conference and below not knowing if they’ll survive until the following week.  Wrexham FC could be the next non-league club in the firing line, with their owners refusing to put any more into the club and news yesterday that the Crusaders Rugby League side were being pulled out of the Super League for the next three years (the ground-share agreement was meant to help Wrexham, with the Crusaders paying Wrexham rent for using their ground).

Fans of the game must unite to protect the future of grass-roots football, and make sure that non-league clubs remain a vital part of their community.  To ad lib the Manic Street Preachers – if you tolerate one club going to the wall, then your club may well be next.

Can the Hod bring a touch of Spanish sunshine to Hyde?

It might have escaped many people’s notice this month, but one of the most intriguing lower-league stories of the week involves the return to England of one Glenn Hoddle, former national team boss and psychic-consulter extraordinaire. Hoddle and his eponymous football academy have linked up with Conference North side Hyde FC, a team which now looks set for a remarkable transformation.

To understand why this is, you have to look back a year or two to see what the Glenn Hoddle Academy (GHA) has already done. Hoddle, coaching along with former legends Nigel Spackman, Graham Rix and Dave Beasant, established the organisation in Spain in May 2008 in order to give a second chance to young English footballers prematurely released by sides over here, nurturing their talent in the hope that someday they might succeed. According to a BBC article on the GHA, many of its players now play for English teams, and one, (their first graduate, Ikechi Anya, formerly of Oxford United) signed for Primera Liga side Sevilla.

Events then took a new turn with a hook-up with local fourth division side Jerez Industrial, whereby the Academy would provide the entire playing squad and coaching staff. The club desperately needed investment, which the GHA was able to provide in return for the opportunity to give professional football to its students. However, the relationship did not last, and so now Hoddle is bringing the enterprise back home.

A tie-up with fellow Conference side Rushden and Diamonds was put on hiatus following their extreme financial troubles (which I’ve covered in previous articles) and so Hyde were chosen as the Academy’s new partner, with the academy now based at Bisham Abbey. However, this partnership will be different to that seen in Jerez, as Hyde will still retain their own players and have complete control over coaching and team selection. The team have also taken over the registration of the GHA players, using this to their own advantage by transferring two players to Port Vale this week. Yet the GHA have stated that the link-up with Hyde is designed to generate interest in their players, all of whom were released by their parent English clubs early on and are now desperate for a second chance.

It promises to be an interesting season for Hyde, providing they can retain some of the obviously talented youngsters the GHA will bring. Hoddle chose the Academy’s first location in southern Spain because the area enjoys 300 days of sunshine each year, and he believes that gifted players develop better in sunny climates, saying, “You only have to look at the sunshine countries like Spain, Portugal, Brazil and the African sides to see that.” It could be intriguing to see how this plays out next season.

It’s clear the best bid on paper will never win. And nor should it.

But why did England do so badly and how can they guarantee they host the World Cup in 2026?

England’s one additional vote is the embarrassing equivalent of ‘Nil Point’ at Eurovision. Yes, our bid was reduced to the level of Jemini. Ouch. If you don’t remember how bad they were, or you’re a Sadist, click here. I thought that was the most embarrassing time in our Countries great and glorious past, until last week.

The solution is simple once you understand the possible method behind the madness. FIFA don’t appear to want a host country who has their act together, they want a ‘work in progress’, and when Sheriff Blatter rolls into town, everything gets a little bit better. Kind of like The Candyman off Willy Wonka.

Basically, England lost out by appearing to be better than the rest. Maybe we came over as pompous, arrogant, self-confident and we needed to be brought down a peg or ten. We were too polished, too prepared, too good for our own good.

The thing is, football in this country isn’t all about the bright lights and the big names. Scrape away the thin top layer of cream and you’re left with the spongy bulk of our beautiful game that deserves more attention. Put the Championship, League One and League Two under the FIFA spotlight and a struggling club near you could be hosting the Medical Workshop or even the Confederations Cup draw.

Our 2018 bid appeared to slum it for a while Milton Keynes but I’ve been there recently and they’ve tidied it up a bit. We should have includes, sadly, more clubs like Plymouth, who would have loved money generated by the World Cup. By the way, the Plymouth Argyle fans are amazing and have set up their own trust. Fans, doing what fans do best, getting behind their club. To find out more and to support their efforts, even if you work for FIFA, click here.

The secret lies just under the skin of the Premiership. Take the FIFA recon squad (or whatever they’re called) to Preston, Scunthorpe and Hull… They’ll sign the tournament over to England on the spot!

Open your eyes next time, it could make a whole world of difference to the 2026 bid.

Non league sides are always a force to be reckoned with in the FA cup, some call it the ‘spirit of the cup’, some say that these teams have nothing to lose, but maybe, just maybe, some of these teams can PLAY football. I find it a brilliant prospect to see non-league opposition against a league opponent. We can all think back to Havant and Waterlooville against Liverpool and truly say the best team won. But why Dover? What makes them so special? Well I’m here to tell you why.

1. They have a prolific goal scorer in Adam Birchill

In Birchill, they have a striker who has already scored 11 goals in 6 FA cup games. Not even premier league players can post stats like that. So far in their FA campaign Birchill scored a screamer against League 1 outfit Gillingham, and then followed that up with a double against League 2 side Aldershot. What he lacks in height, he makes up with sheer speed and technical ability, something which he would have learnt playing in the youth system at Arsenal. He has international experience with the Wales U21, and in my personal opinion, any player who is able to score for them, which he has (twice), is one talented player.

2. Martin Hayes is a manager who has been around the block

After having a successful stint at Arsenal as a winger and other highly regarded clubs such as Romford (*cough*) Hayes made his managerial debut at Bishops Stortford, and managed to get the club into the Blue Square South for the first time in the clubs history. After that he got Wingate & Finchley to the highs of Division One North in the Isthiman League, before he was brought to Dover FC. Although his previous managerial is entirely in non-league football, he is clearly able to get the best out of the squad he has in front of him. Although a few experienced footballers have failed in managerial roles, think back to Paul Gascoigne’s Kettering Town stint, Hayes has a proven track record, something which can only be a good thing for Dover.

3. Dover are a club on the rise

Without question, Dover is a club that have shot out of nowhere to be a force to be reckoned with in the non-league pyramid. After winning promotion in 2008 from the Division One South Isthmian League, in style I’d like to add, they managed to take the Isthiman Premier title at the first time of asking and now sit one point off the playoff places in the Conference South, with 2 games in hand because of their FA cup run. With regards to their FA cup run, this year has been their best yet and now face a tasty draw against League 1 high-flyers Huddersfield. The impossible dream, may just come true.

Thousands of football fans have pledged their support to a Five Pound Football Club aiming to pool their expertise, passion and resources to help establish Britain’s next loved club.

Football fans can become football club owners for a fiver, helping to transform the fortunes of an unfashionable, lower league club in Northern Ireland, Republic of Ireland, Scotland or Wales. The members of our fan-led community decide how to distribute the funds they raise.

This is an alternative fan ownership model – with inspiration being drawn from the Spanish ‘socio’ model, the German ‘50+1’ model and the Supporters Trust model. A group of football fans from around the globe, an online community, can help support a British Barcelona.

The cynics will tell you that it can’t be done – what do ordinary fans know about running a football club? Hundreds of members have joined our community already to prove the doubters wrong – to show that an online community of football fans are serious about contributing to a successful, sustainable club.

For just a fiver? Not quite. In the members’ area, fans read, rate and respond to discussions, including threads on investment in the team budget, facilities and football in the community. Members are encouraged to share your ideas and expertise too. There’s also a Money Back Guarantee:

“If our community has not invested in a club within 18 months of receiving the first payment, the balance of the investment fund contributions will be refunded to members”

1. Join the debate and choose which club to invest in.
2. Share your ideas in front of the other owners
3. Vote on all major decisions – including how to distribute the funds you raise.
4. View highlights of trials, training and matches
5. You’ll be able to run for club president.

Members that help to make the Five Pound Football Club a reality are rewarded. There’s still spaces left to become a founder member – and there’s a referral scheme if you recommend a friend to join. Increase your authority by increasing your contribution – and gain popularity by reading, rating and responding to comments from other members.

Together they are looking to build something amazing. You can help build Britain’s next loved club.

Now I’m as optimistic as anyone when it comes to this twat of a football club, but after this afternoon’s latest capitulation it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee – we’re f***ked. Down. Goners. Non-league. To be honest I didn’t know how it would affect me, it’s not like it hasn’t been coming, but tonight I just feel absolutely deflated. Absolutely f**king devastated.

I can’t get away from these emotions, I just want the whole world to just f**k off and leave me alone. To help me come to terms with this whole mess, I’ve decided to compile a list of everyone and everything I want to f**k off most of all.

For starters, work can f**k off. If they think I’m going to be there on Monday morning they’ve got another thing coming. No way am I going in to spend time dealing with c**ts that I can barely stand being with when I’m in a good mood, let alone this crushing feeling of anger, frustration and outright metaphorical-kicked-in-the-bóllocks-ness.

Plastic Premier League fans can f**k off. I just spoke to my Manchester United supporting neighbour (who incidentally, has been to Old Trafford before – twice) about Town’s predicament. You know what he said? “I know how you feel; it’s like when we failed to win a trophy in ‘95”. NO IT F**KING WELL IS NOT!
He no longer has a face.

The girlfriend can definitely f**k off. Her best attempt at consolation – “I don’t know why you’re bothered; you knew they were shit anyway”. Yes love, but they’re MY shit team. They’ve been MINE for pretty much as long as I’ve been able to wipe my own árse, and they’ll be MINE for as long as I’m alive (or at least, until I’m no longer able to wipe my own árse). Truth is, watching my team win does things for me that no woman can. If push comes to shove and I’m horny, I can always have a w**k.

Barrow can f**k off. I’ve been all over the country and beyond to watch my team, but frankly I just don’t have the stomach to visit any town which makes Scunthorpe look like f**king St. Tropez.

Dad, you can f**k off. This is your fault. Your idea. You introduced me to this shower of shit. “Come with me to Blundell Park”, you said, “Come and support the boys”. What could I do? I was f**king four, what choice did I have? Why not get me hooked on Heroin whilst you were at it? I could have gone with mum shopping for bras and knickers at British Home Stores, but no, you knew best.

Granted, I’d have probably grown up a homosexual but surely even being simultaneously buggered two guys named Seth and Quentin couldn’t hurt like this.

Seeing as we’re on the subject of homosexuality, Gok Wan can f**k off. No particular reason, I just plain don’t like the annoying, goggle-eyed c**t.

The F.A. can f**k off. Not for supplying us, week-in, week- out, with inept referee after inept referee, but for imposing sensible financial rules on all clubs in League Two. How many clubs in this division have been into administration this season? Not one. How many points deducted? Not one. How the f**k else are we supposed to avoid relegation – footballing merit? We didn’t have to last season, so why spoil the fun now?

The World Cup can f**k off – I don’t care anymore.

My local pizza shop can f**k off. I ordered a 12” Pepperoni over an hour ago, and where the fúck is it? Are they trying to f**king fly it to me or something?

Sky Sports can f**k off. Nothing personal, but there’ll be little need for me next season with no Town to be found anywhere. Ooh, Bolton versus Wolves, LIVE. I think I’ll pass…

The radio can f**k off. On my way home from the match, whilst driving down the M180, I caught three completely separate stations playing ‘Down’ by Jay Sean at the exact same f**king time. The song’s the best part of a year old, how the f**k does that happen by coincidence!?

My nan’s old lucky Buddha that used to sit in her front room can f**k off. When I was a kid I held it in my hands and wished for Town to be in the Premier League. I meant the proper one you fat c**t, not the one occupied by Histon, Eastbourne and for fúck’s sake, Ebbsfleet, wherever that is.

Tonight can f**k off. I’ve had enough of trying to cope with my emotions; the time has come for oblivion. I haven’t kept any booze in the house since an occasion known only as ‘That Night’ by myself and the missus, but suffice to say that the toilet duck and luminous blue mouthwash are looking like stronger propositions by the minute.

Most of all though, the last 10 years can f**k off. In that time I’ve watched my team fall from the top of the Championship into non-league nothingness. We’ve gone from one great big f**k up to the next without even coming up for air, and today is just the big, f**k off cherry on top.

One thing I’m sure of though is that we WILL be back. When it comes down to it, a football club is basically just a set of supporters, and frankly what I’ve learned in the last few years is that this one has some of the best. We’ve had to put up with some shit, haven’t we boys, but in spite of all of that the future is still bright – it’s f**king black and white.

Grimsby ‘til I die…

If anyone knows the author of this brilliant article please send him our way. This guy is a legend!

We’ve all dished out and even been on the end of a good hiding, but spare a thought for AFC Aldermaston, Britain’s worst football team, who finally ended their 40 game losing streak with a 1-1 draw against Warminster Town on Saturday.

The part timers abysmal run of 40 consecutive defeats earned them the crown of Britain’s worst football team.

You may find it hard to believe but Aldermaston are rock bottom of the Wessex League Division One table – which is nine levels below the Premier League – they’ve conceded over 150 goals this campaign.

Adie Heath was only brought in five weeks ago after previous boss Carl Griffiths couldn’t take any more embarrassment.

28-year-old Heath is somewhat of a hero after finally ended the disastrous run, but can’t wait for the current campaign to end.
“It is the record no team would want but I suppose it has given the club a bit of attention. We will all be glad to see the back of this season and start again in the summer,” Heath told the Daily Mail.

“Morale has been good. We just hope we can turn it around and have a good end to the season.”

If only someone would of told them about UK Football Finder then the run would have ended months ago!