Dexy’s 2010 World Cup draw preview part 2

by Dexy Longshot

Friday, December 4th, 2009

(In association with The Fédération Internationale de Football Association aka Crooks Inc)

Right, where were we? Oh yeah, pots 2 and 3, plenty of outsiders here but there are always one team who surprise. Let’s roll them out! Don’t forget to check out part 1

Pot 2 (Oceania and North/Central America

The Ozzies are in the mix again and I’d rather we avoid them early doors. They did well in the last World Cup & can turn it on if they stay off the Castlemaine. They would love a game against us to make up for their Ashes defeat but sorry Bruce, when it comes to round balls, we’re the boll*cks mate!

August 7th, 2002, Sapporo Stadium, Japan. That day is etched in my brain when Becks said “Up your Senors!” to the Argies. If I ever go to Japan, that will be my 1st port of call, 2nd will be Won Hung Lows tug emporium! Football wise, Japan will never be as good with 1 ball as they are with microchips and will struggle to get past the first 3 games. Sianaora!

Plucky Honduras haven’t reached the WC since Espana 82 but come to the party next year after seeing of El Salvador, Trinidad & Tobago & Costa Rica. They drubbed Sven’s Mexico 3-1 (A game that got him his Adios orders from the Gringos). Another team that may fail to reach the knockouts but they do have some menace in the middle with Wilson Palacios.

The 86 hosts just got through after Sven made a right pigs ear of the earlier games. I don’t expect too much from them in June but will look forward to seeing Blanco back in action after coming back from the filming of Hulk 3, keep an eye on Gooner Carlos Vela too.

New Zealand
If it wasn’t bad enough having the Ozzies over there, they only go and let neighbours New Zealand back in after 26 years, good on em though, the Kiwis are among the nicest, friendliest people on the planet. Crap at football (apart from Ryan Nelson), but very nice people. An ecstatic Wellington saw the All Whites beat Bahrain to secure qualification, hope they make the most of it.

North Korea
What can be said of North Korea, no one knows for sure because no one ever sees in & out of the country. When not starring in team America films, pint-sized heel stacked tyrant President Kim Jong Il tells everyone his country is the world leader in everything. They are in my opinion the whipping boys of the tournament although Kim Jong will probably edit all the highlights and tell his country they were undefeated on the way to the trophy beating Brazil 10-0.

South Korea
I like the South Koreans, they were the best fans on show when they hosted in 2002. The win against Italy lives long in the memory. I doubt they will hit such heights this time but I hope they last longer than their neighbours from up north (that shouldn’t be too hard).

United States
USA! USA! USA! , Not the greatest song ever but being at the USA V ITALIA fan fest was one of the highlights of my time in Germany in 2006. The yanks bring a bit of noise and banter despite having 1 song and never really hitting the heights. Not this time Uncle Sam. They shocked Spain in South Africa in June and ain’t far behind the big boys. FREAKIN AAYY! GO US!!!!

Pot 3 (Africa and South America)

Now this could be a bit tasty. Imagine if France draw Algeria or North Korea somehow play South Korea. You can’t actually have both Korea’s in the same group but I’m sure it would create some fireworks on and of the pitch. The same with Algeria V Les Blues, where would Zidane stand on that one? Hopefully he’d nut Henri of the park. The Algerians knocked out Egypt literally in a bad tempered play-off. I doubt they’ll being knocking anyone out next summer though.

One of my favourite WC memories is that of 38 year old (and the rest!) Roger Milla coming on the pitch and mugging Columbia’s Scorpion Kicking Keeper Higueta & poking one away before doing the Milla shake by the corner flag. He might have to get his boots on if the Indomitable Lions are to progress past the last 16, even if the Songs are on-song.

La Roja qualified automatically in the South American group with a team sheet straight out of a Sergio Leone flick. Bravo, Ponce, Estarda, Fernandez, Sanchez, Gonzalaz. They shot down the Argies en route so will be getting cheered on by me. They should spice it up a bit in Chilly South Africa’s winter. (sorry….pony pun).

As I mentioned earlier, Ghana are among 6 African teams in this WC & I wouldn’t be surprised if they got to the quarters with a decent draw. Essien, Appiah, Muntari, Gyan & John (He comes from Africa, he’s better than Kaka) Paintsil! All brilliant players except for Paintsil, if they can keep their heads, The Black Stars are a good e/w long shot despite the odds.

Ivory Coast
Topped the African league and not hard to see why. Drog, Zokara, the brothers Toure, Kone, Eboue, Kalou & Meite. The Elephants trampled through the games and are my dark horses for next summer, as long as a certain Chelsea marksman who isn’t Kalou stays on his feet.

The Super Eagles were getting on a bit when I covered the last African Nations so expect some greys hairs in the showers. Maybe we should call them the bald Eagles. They still have some class in Martins, Yakubu, Kanu, Mikel, Yobo and erm Shittu so they may soar through with a bit of luck.

Our opening opponents in Germany 06 will find it hard to do any better than last time out. The Guaraníes cruised through qualifying defeating Brazil along the way but have lost a few key players in Carlos Gamarra, Francisco Arce & Celso. Coach Gerardo Martino (a former Argie international, booo!) is rebuilding the squad but still has key players to choose from in Roque Santa Cruz if he lays of the ol’ paella & mackem Paulo Da Silva.

The 2 time winners are back although I don’t think a repeat of their 1950 exploits is on the cards. When they brought the trophy back, a third of the nation turned up at the airport! The tough tackling Uruguayan’s struggled in qualifying coming through a play off with the mighty Costa Rica. Sebastián Abreu & Diego Forlán will be a handful for any defence but don’t expect another roadblock at Uruguay’s airport on July 11th.

So, there you have it, just a few hours to go before half the balls come out of their iceboxes courtesy of Beyonce, Charlize and Becks and I can’t wait!

Scenarios I’d like to avoid: Anything involving Spain, Portugal, The Ozzies and Ivory Coast in the early rounds. Dreamlike scenario I would muchely like: Knocking out France in the group stages, mullering Portugal in the 16s, Brazil in the 8s, Ze Germans on penalties in the semis and finally smashing the Argies 1-0 in the final with 3 hammers in the line-up and a blatant Hand Of Roon. We can dream.

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  • stevie

    great piece Dexy. I don’t fancy the USA much, decent side

  • Mike Somerville

    The worst group we could get would be Ivory Coast, USA, and France.

    Ah mullering Portugal, that’ll be the day!

  • Dan Church

    its a probability of 1/530 that we get drawn in a group with France, Ivory Coast and USA…..well worth a fiver insurance bet……

  • Darren

    Bring on the frogs or the winkers 11! We are never going to get a better chance to get revenge on all the nations who have previously caused us so much pain. If we can avoid the big 2 who are in a league of their own then who knows. Saying that, we are England after all, so I don’t expect much to be honest.

  • dexylongshot

    With a bit of luck, Brazil might face Spain in the quarters and then Germany or Holland in the semis, about time we had decent draw and Germany had nightmare.

  • Mike

    Germany always always always start off slow and then become pretty unstoppable in their unique German way.

    Without Ballack they really arn’t that special. Without Gerrard we’re not that special either thought!

    Germany in the final would be a absolute dream!

  • Darren

    totally disagree on both counts, the Germans have only failed to make the semis 4 times. My money will be on them to get to the semi’s again. They know how to prepare for tournaments.

    Gerrard is the most over rated England player of all time. Capello still hasnt found a position for him, and that’s a worry for me. Any one can score 2 goals against window cleaners & estate agents!

  • dexylongshot

    Right here we go, can i just say, Charlize is fkin top 10 ever!!!!

  • dexylongshot

    fkit, USA!

  • Darren

    go David go! perfect draw for David Beckenham, double PR Wagon

  • dexylongshot

    Yeah big-time! FREAKIN HEEYYY!

  • dexylongshot


  • dexylongshot

    Slovenia, yeeeess!!!!!!!

  • Darren

    take that and party! If we don’t get out of that group Capello won’t be in a job come July 2010

  • dexylongshot

    ENGLAND, United States, Algeria, Slovenia!

    More importantly the first 2 games are sat lunchtime and friday nite. Sesh me up. Ladies and gents you are cordially invited to the UKFF world cup party in Londons West End on friday 18th June!!!!

  • dexylongshot

    Having a look at draw, we will avid brazil soain and holland until final.

    Plus we could play germany. france or the argies en route. This was written in the stars!!! Look at the blog, it might be in the wrong order a bit but we could face portugal in final too. As long as Spain and Brazil knock each ovther and holland fk up, it’s 66 again, FAB!!!

  • Darren

    i’ve looked at the draw again and we do in fact meet Spain or Brazil in the semi (if we get passed Ghana, Germany, France or the Argies)

  • dexylongshot

    Bring em all on!!!!!

  • Dexylongshot

    Watchin the manc semi tonight, Richards is lookin a tad like the Micah of old, When he used to be one our best players about 2 years ago. Let’s hope the Mancini effect helps with the left back dillema, I still don’t rate wes in an England shirt.

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