Dexy’s end of season rollicking round-up part 2

by Mystical Mike

Monday, June 6th, 2011

10 Sunderland (16)
Bruce & his Black Cats seemed to be the cats whiskers doing well until he found out that he’s daughter was seeing Darren Bent. I’m sure Bruces face was picture ….a nasty picture with that mush. Bent was on his toes in no time with a big move down to the Midlands with Houllier where he continued to keep scoring. Young Jordan Henderson was rightly voted their young player of the season and should keep the midfield ticking over nicely as long as he isn’t lured away in the summer.

9 Villa (8)
It’s been a bit of mad one down Villa way this week and I have to change this mini synopsis a couple of times already. The latest as of Thursday lunchtime was Gerard Houllier has stepped down due to a dodgy ticker and I wish him well for the future. As for the present where does this leave Villa? I’m sure that Young and Downing will go to one of the European placed clubs, but only if Villa don’t get their act together sharpish. The longer they leave it, the less time they have to persuade players to stay. Mark Hughes was favourite before he actually walked out on Fulham although this is all still a bit hazy with him, has he been approached by Chelski?, Moyes is also a possibility but I feel he wouldn’t lave for a mid table when he is possibly in with a shout with a bigger club. Whoever it is, i’m sure the Villa fans will expect a better showing than last season, In my humble, if it wasn’t for the arrival of Bent and his 9 goals in the 2nd half of the season, I think they could well have been in the relegation places.

8 Fulham 10)
Fulham had another topsy turvy season like before and actually did better than I predicted. That is the Hughes effect, I think he is quality and maybe won’t be down at Craven Cottage in a years time. (I wrote that first line on Thursday). Now look where we are, he’s bolted the comforting Craven Cottage nest and his being backed by John Terry to be next Chelsea boss (The same loyal John Terry who also backed Guss hiding a day earlier). I know it’s silly season for rumours but I think Guss is in the bag and Hughes will end up at Villa. And I’m putting a fiver on Martin O’Neill to emerge from the carnage of the last year and go to Fulham. It really is a waltzer of ride this week isn’t it. Another Fulham sidetone worth a mention was big Al’s Micheal Jackson statue.

7 Everton (5)
Last year, I did actually think Everton were going to start well after their fantastic pre season but The Toffees did the same as I have predicted for the last few years, rubbish before Christmas, excellent after Christmas, maybe it’s some sort of Turkey Boost Effect that drums up the passion.
Someone who really did drum up some performances was Leighton Baines who was my left back of the season, he really came into his own this past 12 months and will be pushing Ashley if carries on at this rate, goals assists and steady at the back, he made a big difference to Moyes team.  Rodwell grows in stature with every game and it looks like after an eternity of problems up front, the toffees will start playing with 2 strikers rather than relying on Cahills goals from further back. I hear Demba be is on the list, we’ll see.

6 Liverpool (6)
A game of  two halves is a famous saying, a season of two halves is something I just made up but it sums up Anfield perfectly over the past 10 months. Under Roy, utter rubbish, not helped by media speculation and the sight of King Kenny in the background. It wasn’t Roys fault completely, just some mis-timed decisions by the suits. Gerrard was nothing like the player he can be and Joe Cole has definitely not settled up north (I think he should come back home to East London personally). Let’s not even talk about Torres here, he can be found down the page if you can find him (More than his Liverpool team-mates did). The arrival and Suarez and Carroll has brightened up the Anfield Road and even Kurt was getting in on the act with goals galore, I really fancy Liverpool for some silverware next year but not the one which will give them a 19th title, not yet anyway.

5 Tottenham (7)
Harry Redcap must be pinching himself (more than an inch i’m sure with those chops) that he got his Tottenham side into the last 8 of the Champions League. I shouldn’t like the Spurs but fair play, they were awesome in Europe this year up until the games with the mighty Real. Bale was in blistering form, especially against Inter in what was the performance of the season for me, I can’t wait to see him in his film debut later in the summer! Harry saw Modric back on top form and his purchase of Van Der Vat proved cargo success (until the injury after which he was pony) It was all a bit to much for the Totts, the heavy work load of games soon caught up with them and their push for another top 4 place just eluded them. Maybe next season will see them competing again, it will again be another close one, that’s if Spurs can keep hold of Harry. He still hasn’t come out say he is staying at Spurs, especially with West London Sniffing, although I’m sure he’s just trying to up his wedge with Levy, crafty old sod. He’ll need to keep hold of Modric as well who is being courted by Sir Alex…or so I’ve read, not gospel.

4 Arsenal (4)
This is what I wrote about Arsenal in last years Premier Predictions. “Jack Wilshire is about to take the country by storm and I ain’t talking about Lilliput. Two MOTM displays and Fabio already an admirer, the pint sized youngster caught my eye in the FA Youth Cup a few years back. If Wenger uses him, all they need is get the defence sorted and they could run away with the lot” OK, I edited out the middle bit about Arshavin being mustard but I was almost right. Arsene used him and he rightly won young player of the year, Wenger didn’t sort his defence out as usual and they let in goals and fell of the pace in spring when it was all looking rosy at the Emirates. Same old story for Arsene, invest in a few proven defenders like Samba, a decent keeper (Given, Green) and you may actually win something you silly old stubborn annoying Frenchman. You can use the money from Cescs departure. He won’t be hanging around any more and it’s all Arsenes fault. I’d get in another top striker too, I still don’t rate Cha-makka. Maybe it’s time to give Theo and run in the middle striker role, he can do that when RVP gets injured. Arsenal are becoming more predictable than a X-factor no1.

3 Man City (3)
Bang on in the predictions for this lot, 3rd this year and the only way is up, I said in 2 seasons time when they will win it and still believe that, so that means 2nd next season and winners in May 2013, get on. The spending goes on and on and I can’t wait to see the world best being linked all summer. First things first though for Mancini, his no1 priority must be to keep Tevez.  If he can keep him firing on all cylinders, less pressure will be on the Italian manager and the 37 other strikers at the club. Another thing I hope for and this isn’t very nice but I really hope bit part players like Adam Johnson and James Milner have a serious think about their futures. It’s a tough call being part of the richest club in the game going places, but if it means only playing half a season, is it really worth it, especially with the Euros coming up next summer. They could ask Shay Given for advice. Another bonus for the Blue Mooners was the long awaited silverware of The FA cup. It was quite refreshing to see two teams who have waited an eternity for a good day out down Wembley, it wasn’t the best of Finals but enjoyable all the same. Just a shame about the scheduling. The FA & Prem bossmen have got to sort that out, why didn’t they just change all the other games to the Sunday, simples.

2 Chelsea (1)
Carlo looked like the dogs dangleys when Chelsea hit the ground running but yet again, boardroom unrest and the strange sacking of Ray Butchus Wilkins turned the West London outfit inside out. A run of terrible results followed and at the seasons half time, Chelsea were staring at the unthinkable prospect of no Champions League football next season. Things didn’t help with Lampards & Yossis injuries. Nay mind the Blues faithful though, here comes Torres, the best striker in the league, except he didn’t come up with the goods. He was very poor, especially for all those rubles Roman dished out for him. That was only one half of the transfer kitty, well 2/3s. Enter defender supreme and side show bob ringer Luiz. I’ve got to say this, I think he will be a superstar in a few years. He’s still young but has shown some excellent skills, energy, tackles. (Ok some are not so good, his positioning has been questioned but if i was the new Blues manager, i’d be building a new team around him and Torres, playing them to their strengths. I personally see Luiz as more than a defender, I see him as a Roy Keane/Bryan Robson box to to box all action midfielder. That’s just me though. I wonder if Guus sees it that way too, he’s my prediction for new Full Time manager, then Sparky, then Redknapp. They will have to improve big time if they want to hang on for their jobs, Roman must have been fuming with the Kings Road cupboard bare this year and that Man U stole a march on them.

1 Manchester Utd (2)
Well, well, well, I thought the Mancs may have struggled if Rio and Vidic didn’t play all season but they come up trumps again for the n n n n n nineteenth time much to Liverpool’s annoyance and Paul Hardcastle joys (keep those royalties rolling in). Find of the season has got to be speedy Gonzales himself Chicharito Javier Hernandez or Little Pea who was taking the pee with plenty of defences this season. Striking up a nice partnership with a deeper lying Rooney, (although not as deep a liar as Giggs, haw haw!) I can see the end is nigh for bore-off Berbertov who will be doing the Ovs, even though he didn’t do too badly with chipping in the goals albeit against some of the lower placed teams. Last Saturday when the Mancs played Barca, he sulked of after being left out of the starting line-up, he didn’t even sit with the squad and didn’t console his team-mates afterwards, he didn’t even have the decency to take his eyes of mobile phone on the team bus…twot. Bye Bye Berba baby bye bye, never liked your attitude and never will. He should have taken a leaf out of Scholesys book. Arguably the greatest player England have produced in the last 20 years finally hung up his boots after making his debut in 94, the game will miss him. Who will come in though, a rat faced Croatian maybe???

Euro business. I won’t linger too much on the Cups winners cup because to be blatantly honest, I hardly watched any of it and according to viewing figures on channel 5 et all, nor did much of the public. Of what I did see, it was there for City to take, surely they should have done better? The Porto team did do better and I’ll be keeping a beady little mincer on little Andre Villas-Boas, they are calling him the new Mourinho, high praise indeed and he is only a baby in management. Maybe Barca will be interested, if the rumours are true, Pep will be leaving at the end of next season and there will be a queue half way round the Nou Camp of wannabe successors. I might even chuck my trilby in the ring, man managing Barcelona is not exactly the hardest job in football at the moment. Plenty of dosh,  untold player loyalty and half of the worlds top 10 players in the starting line-up. I’ll do it for nothing. They are being hailed as the greatest club team ever (who am I to argue, I never saw the Madrids and Ajax of yester-year but it was a different game then. Of the teams from the last 25 years, I rate this as the best, they are unplayable and Messi is well on his way to being the best of all time, he just needs a World Cup winners medal round his neck, something which is not out of the question in the coming few world cups.

Talkin of which….Blatter, FIFA, It makes the skin crawl. I’ve been banging on about the corruption of the man for years, the latest installment involving crooks inc, Warner, in fact all the top boys. Our own FA which aren’t exactly brilliant when it comes to running our own game at least stood up to Worlds Governing body, it’s just a pity most of the other nations bottled it. We’ve got nothing to lose anyway, no way was we getting a fair crack of the whip with the current regime. What I have noticed is Michel Platini hasn’t been very vocal over the past few days, he’s seeming to distance himself from the debacle. I wonder if he has his Gaelic eye on the big boss seat, I reckon so, the sooner Blatter moves on, the sooner we can have a fairer game world – wide.

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