Dexy’s Euro 2008 intro

by Dexy Longshot

Monday, June 2nd, 2008

Austria & Switzerland here we come, not!

It’s June, it’s 2008, it’s the month we’ve been waiting for since the 1st July 2006 when the winker knocked us out the world cup in Germany, nay mind, we are England, we’ve got the best players in the world, well according to the 10 players on the pitch at the Champs league final we are. Oh yah! We’ll go the Austria and Switzerland this June and mash-up all our European counterparts to a messy grass stained pulp as comeback Captain Becks lifts the trophy aloft under super Steve’s ginger guided guidance! Then I woke up, it was the Thursday after that rain-soaked Wembley Wednesday night before, my Sheepskin was still dripping and so were my tear ducts my 3 Lions Heart at its lowest ebb since spring 94. Steve McClaren = Steve Mc$%£*!!!Mac twatSo, after much soul searching on the continent, UEFA still decided to go ahead with Euro2008 minus the best squad in Europe thanks mostly to Croatia’s double over us. Good luck to Bilic’s lot I say, at least they did something for England, showing us how crap we really are. I can now look on at the tournament as a neutral and save myself 2 grand and 3 weeks holiday time in the process plus I won’t have to look at the ginger twot playing up to press with that Colgate toothy grin. I can concentrate fully on the Europeans without bias from St George and we can learn from their game, a mixture of mavericks, nut-jobs, divers, gods, cheats & genius’s and money grabbing bling boys, opps, sorry, I keep forgetting we’re not there are we. A worldwide audience of billions will be watching the so called best 16 European nations battling it out over the next month with the final being held on Sunday the 29th June in Vienna. Ah yes, it’s gonna be yodellayyeellee and all that gaper in the Alps this summer, the home of cheese and schnitzel, Heidi, Ultravox No2 singles and Falco’s Rock Me Amadeus, Mozart must be looking down on events quite happy that he is copping a deafen, especially with the avalanche of Euro 08 hits. All the countries have come up with the usual dirge by unknowns such as heavy metal gods Alone with “Wir Geben Uns Die Kugel” = “We give ourselves the bullet” (you what?). Mr Lover Lover Shaggy has even been getting in on the act delivering the Official Euro2008 belter “Like A Superstar” & on the flip “Feel The Rush” with bombastic mascots Trix & Flix. I admit me and the UKFF bossman had a butchers on the web and were quietly surprised. It’s a bass heavy Eurorave stormer and a guaranteed no1 in the Eastern bloc countries until next Christmas, the spirit of 88 is alive and well in the alpines, Oi Oi Ref! Blow your whistle!!!


  The last Euros ended with the biggest long-shot in the history of the game holding the trophy aloft in Portugal. The Greeks for crying out loud, they hadn’t done much for 3000 years and wallop, take that France, Portugal & Czech. 150-1 an all, what a turn-up, my mate Soffo the Greek was in ouzo heaven while I stared blankly into my John Smiths ripping up my Rooney based betting slips. They Greeks are there again and I wouldn’t write them of this time either but there are plenty of decent teams queuing up for a place in the final. The flair of Spain, Holland and Portugal with Torres, Van Persie and Ronaldo are in with a decent shout and then there is Sweden, the Czechs, the Frogs and Ze Germans who are favourites. Don’t forget World Cup holders Italy who will want to win back-to-back tournaments like France in 98 & 2000. Plenty of dark horses are lurking in the stables too with Poland, Romania, and even Hiddink’s Russia, (well they beat us there didn’t they). In fact it is a very open tournament and the only teams I don’t expect to get anywhere are the hosts Austria & Switzerland, in fact they wouldn’t have qualified at all if it wasn’t for UEFA venue pickers, so expect them to be cannon fodder for the rest.Over the next week, I’ll be guiding you through the teams and their chances, looking over the stats & their standout players. I’ll be giving each squad a Dexy’s Diamond; a player who I think could prove influential in their team’s progress (and it’s not only gonna be all the obvious ones either). As for my tip, I think Spain might sneak it if torres can find the net, their squad oozes class and I think this might be the time when they finally end years of under-achievement. My Longshots are the Greeks again, (who says lightning doesn’t strike twice?) and I’ll be supporting the Croats for giving our FA a kick up the aris & helping us dislodge ginger-nuts and bring in Capello, the man who I think will eventually bring home the bacon for the 3 Lions despite early performances. As an added bonus, we’re pleased to announce the (loan) signing of Andrija Tadic from the leading Croatian football website Andrija will be blogging from Austria/Switzerland throughout Euro2008, providing the latest news/views and analysis on the Croatian team, as well as exclusive content and interviews with key members!Euro 2008So, now, all we have to do is decide who we are going to support, get down sportsworld and buy a moody flag in their closing down sale & sit back with frothy Swiss/Austrian lager and a nice cheese roll, roll on the Euros!!!    Download your Euro 2008 wallchart here  

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  • Tef1on

    My prediction is either Holland or Spain… Hoping Spain as they have been underachievers for a long time. If Holland can escape Romania, France and Italy in their group then maybe they can do some damage.

  • Darren

    I say Shaggy will turn out for Romania and they will win!!

    Seriously though, I’m supporting Spain, bags of talent, play good football with some very exciting players.

    I just hope the Germans don’t win but I think they will. They know how to win tournaments.

  • Dan Church

    i cant imagine a worse team to win than Spain….for a country that boasts teams such as Real Madrid and Barcelona, ive never seen such an uninspiring country…..personally i think Portugal will win it. Theyve threatened at the World Cup in 2006 and Euro 04 and i think this time they will go one better……Solid defence, Nani and Ronaldo attacking, they may be a bit weak in central Midfield but none of that will matter if Quim plays in goal….

  • dexylongshot

    Quim don;t let nothing in these days, not even shots from Fuchs! Finabarr Saunders would be proud!

    Lsten up!
    I’m gonna set up a UKFF fantasy football league tonight, probably with Metro cos it’s free and easy to join.
    I’ll send out all the details tomorrow, the winner can wins some ukff goodies. How sad does goodies sound!

  • dexylongshot

    Right chaps, if anyone fancies a bash, i’ve just set up a league for some Euro 2008 dreamteam action, more the merrier and all that, the winner of our league at the end can win a Euro 2008 game courtesy of EA Sports and maybe i’ll be able to wrangle a signed photo of Miss UFF winner Elke or something!!! you never know, you might win the proper 1st prize from metro which is 15 grand or What Ronaldo makes when he fancies a kip, alright for some.

    Anyway, here’s the details.

    Log onto:

    Hit the “register here” button half way down on the left,
    then fill in all your details and put the screen-code in at the bottom.

    This takes you to the main team page.
    There is a tab for joining an existing league. This is where you put in the league name and password which is;

    League name is: ukfootballfinder Euro2008 League
    Password is: noengland

    It will then send your details to the administrator which is moi, this takes a bit of time but you can still register your team anyway and make changes up till the first game on sat.

    It’s dead simple to play, each player has a value but instead of Millions, they use stars and you have to make a team with 11 players using 75 stars. All the instructions are on the site.

    Piece of P*ss. So pass onto all your mates and let’s get the banter flowing. When the final league is complete after the 1st game, we’ll set up another blog page for discussion and general abuse!!!

    So, let’s play!!!!

  • Manc Maddy

    Hi guys

    My boyf is away on his hols but asked me to enter this for him, what do you win, sorry, i’m not very good at this lol!!
    Also how do I enter to be a Miss football finder?? 🙂 xxx

    PS: What’s Quim and finbarr saunders???

  • Mike

    erh, is this a joke? I take it you don’t follow football love?

  • Mikie

    correct if I’m wrong, but how are England ranked higher than Portugal in the FIFA rankings?

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