Dexy’s unbiased* World Cup round up

by Dexy Longshot

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

(Excluding England but there’s loads about Maradonna.)

After Saturday’s borefest against Slovenia, I left Wembley straight for the West End for some top quality Saturday night footy chat, mid quality shape-making and bottom quality pulling in O’neills. Desperately trying to get the results of the dozens of make or break games, I was made up by the end of the night with the outcome of pretty much everything apart from a non-result with Kathleen from County Kerry (or should that be a clean sheet!)

I’ll leave the best till last but here are a few highlights from the weekends fixtures and a dig at two of my favourite players**

Burleys Tartan army, did you see him dancing around after the second goal, his pirouettes were enough to make Len Goodman damp downstairs. The Jocks face the Dutch at Hampden tomorrow who have already booked their tickets for SA. McFadden will sit the game out & will be missed but Holland lost talisman Wes Sneider to a nasty ankle break. The orange mob (Holland, not the gingers) may just go through the motions and possibly gift wrap 3 points for the Scots pretty much ensuring a play-off place.

On the other side of the Channel, things were really looking rosy on the Emerald Isle. Northern Island could go top if they overcome Slovakia in the next game, after a point with Poland. Imagine that, they ain’t had a sniff since Mexico 86. My beloved Paddies of Eire were having a Burleyesque song and dance themselves, especially when Keano notched his 40th for the country after an assist from a rejuvenated Duff in Cypress, it was like old times. Trap ‘O’ Tonis new look Ireland are still in the mix with the Bulgies and Italians at the top of the group. “O’ Toni even thinks they could top the group by doing an Italian job on his own boys at Croke Park next month. Cue record-breaking Guinness drought and increased security at Villa Di Toni back home.

In Gay Paris, things weren’t so rosy for our Gallic cousins who could only muster a 1-1 with Romania. That’s what you get leaving Ribery on the bench. Clearly in Le Poop, if the frogs don’t get something from the robots of Serbia, their only hope is a play-off. Domenech 09 = McClaren 07.

Now here come the juicy bits. Portugal and Argentina, Ronaldo or Messi for Player of The Tournament anyone, mmm. Poor Ronnie’s winkers were close to waterworks after they salvaged a point late in the game against Nick Bendter’s Denmark drive. Portugal are clinging on in 4th and have to beat Hungary twice while relying on other teams doing them a favour. It just wouldn’t be the same without Ronny there, shame that, no really, I’m close to tears myself…white ones!

Meanwhile, over in Buenos Aires , Argentina V Brazil and what a game it was, I was up till 2 on Sunday night watching it on Sky+. It took me that long to watch because I kept rewinding the bits of Maradonna bricking it while back in the studio, Ossie Ardilles was trying his best not to chunder.

It started brightly for the Argies spraying the ball all over the park in elegant fluid one-touch movements up to Tevez and Messi. Brazil didn’t get a look-in, just soaking it all up, then wallop!, against the run of play they got a foul. Then I witnessed one of the worst marking jobs I have ever had the pleasure of laughing at. See the marvelous clip at the end***

Terrible stuff, no one likes to see marking like that, except when it’s the Argies. They weren’t much cop 10 minutes later when Fabiano got the first of a brace. The Argies came out gung-ho in the 2nd half, cavalier in the build-up much like Maradonna in his prime searching for a comeback, it came through Datolo’s master-blaster. Unfortunately, his nemesis Dunga was also basing his game plan much like his own style as a player. Strong in the tackle, organised, patient, not the Brazil we expect. The Argies were peppering the Brazil end but this team has got a defence which is up there with the worlds best. Lucio was excellent and in Cesar they now have arguably the best keeper in the game. After another failed attack by the Argies, Brazil caught them on the break and Fabiano did an Owen like chip past the struggling defence. It was abysmal stuff from the two centre-halves who only had 5 caps between them, it could have been worse; Colochiini was on the bench, haha!

It may have been different if Riquelme was playing, Veron may have won South American player of year but his 34 years caught up with him as the game progressed. Maradonna has fallen out with Riquelme and his fulcrum like play making could have been the difference but instead, Argentina’s favourite son finds himself in deep Dunga. Talk about hero to zero. If he gets the big lack against Paraguay on Thursday morning, I reckon he’ll be elbowed. There is a God after all and he ain’t giving Dirty Diego a hand this time.

*Porky Pie
** see *
***In full South American commentary style, it’s even got He-Man noises when the goals go in, pukka!

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  • Stevie

    noting funnier then watching Maradona’s stupid little fat face! Hero (Tosser) to Zero!!!

    Brazil v Spain final. End of, stop dreaming, England ARE NOT good enough

  • jimmythegent

    Very good, that first goal is beyond belief!!!

  • Dan Church

    id laugh if Portugal dont qualify, along with the Czechs. how is the unlucky 2nd placed team worked out ?? just on points ?? seems a bit unfair on scotland who have to play 2 games less than everyone else to try and get level points wise ?? surely a points per game system would be fairer ??

  • Darren

    we all like to laugh Scotland so let them qualify, no doubt Nambia or American Somoa will beat them!

  • jimmythegent

    True, it is a very moody system. Apparently Theirry as had a go Domenech, pity one of our lot didn’t do the same with McClaren 3 years ago. Argentina have never failed to qualify for the Wc. How the mighty have fallen!

  • dexylongshot

    I think it is brilliant, imagine if the world cup doesn’t have the Argies, the Frogs and Portugal, I won’t have no one to moan at…….oh Scotland might be there now…..sorted!!!

  • Darren

    you have to beat the best to be the best! But, can you really see us beating Italy QF, Brazil SF & Spain in the final?

  • dexylongshot

    I will answer that in my superdooper England preview tomorrow. Patience my flock, patience!

    This is about ribbing the 2nd placers, No, Messi, no, Ronny, No Ribery…..let’s make it happen God, give us a hand for change and shoo out this vermin!!!!!!

    Love it!!!

  • Dan Church

    The nine European group winners qualify automatically for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. The eight best runners-up go into four two-legged play-off matches (on 14 and 18 November) with the winner of each tie also qualifying. As Group 9 has only five teams (the other groups have six), the eight best runners-up will be judged after expunging results against the bottom-placed team in each group.

    (NB Teams which finish level on points are separated by goal difference, then goals scored, then goals scored away from home, then by disciplinary record. If they are still level, lots are drawn)

    Still not entirely fair i dont think.

  • dexylongshot

    I don’t give a monkeys toss how it’s done if it keeps the argies/ron/frogs at home !

  • Dexylongshot

    1-0. I officially love Paraguay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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