EURO2008 Group Stage Round Up Part 1

by Dexy Longshot

Thursday, June 19th, 2008

It’s midway through Euro 2008 and we are actually witnessing beautiful football, what has happened? is it only 4 years since Greece bored us into submission with unattractive hardworking 1-0 jobs, setting a blueprint all over Europe for a negative win first, entertain 2nd policy? Am I still dreaming or has this really been the best tournament I can remember? There has been drama by the bucket-load and then some. I mean, how many goals have been scored in the last 5 minutes? how many times has the woodwork been bashed, who would have thought Turkey v The Czechs would make for the best Sunday night viewing since they stopped Open All Hours, my Peggy even blew out the bingo for it! I could go on for hours but I’m restricted by the pain in my index finger through constant channel hopping this week and me checking my bet slips, I’m almost £250 quid up, what a touch!!!

Anyhow, here’s a rundown of the Group A & B teams so far and how my Diamond or Doughnut player picks have faired on the fields of Austria and Switzerland.


Czech Republic

Poor Wordy wannabe Cech swapped dropping E’s for dropping balls and the Turks skewered them. A disappointing end to Karol Bruckener’s reign with his so called Golden Generation

Dexy’s Diamond

Hightower Koller will be gutted he didn’t sign out of his final tournament on a high. He got in the goals but missed plenty too making way for Baros, what a doughnut!



Although the Scholari/Ronaldo soap opera is taking all the headlines away from the flair of the performances, they still look the team to beat in the first half of the draw and have the best player in the world, something Manchester won’t have for much longer.

Dexy’s Diamond

Quaresma started the 1st two matches from the bench and he impressed when brought on with his easy on the eye skills. He even scored against The Czechs after an unselfish pass from Ronny. Jammy Diamond



Home advantage wasn’t enough after the loss of the inspiration Frei & the Swiss were rolled over despite Hakin Yakin coming up with a few goals. Let’s face it though, it was always going to be a matter of time for the clockmakers.

Dexy’s Diamond

Bayer Leverkusen’s Tranquillo Barnetta or Barney as he is known showed some sign’s of magic in a mediocre outfit but couldn’t cut it at home. The youngster has best years ahead of him though and will bounce back. Baby Doughnut



The Red machine of Turkey rolled into the quarters after a breathtaking match-up against the Czechs winning at the death 3-2. Forget the 1st 2 performances, this was the stand-out game of the Finals with them scoring 3 goals in the last 15 minutes and getting their keeper sent of as well! Is this one of the greatest comebacks in the Euros history? I can’t think of any better.

Dexy’s Diamond

Nihat Kahveci’s brace was crucial in the Turkish fight back to the delight of his fans & the Villareal forward will have to be on top form against the silky skills of the Croats. Double Diamond.



The Austrain’s lived up to all the expectations and did absolutely nothing, well not exactly, Ivica Vastic scored a stoppage-time penalty against Poland and ensured himself a lifetime of free beer from a sponcer. He’ll be glad of it to erase the memory of an awful Austrian campaign.

Dexy’s Diamond

Andreas Ivanschitz was branded the Austrian Becks because of his similarities with the England Skipper. I couldn’t see any similarities although I hear Becks likes his doughnuts so Andre might have 1 fan.



It’s just like watching Brazil, but with crap white & red checked shirts. Super Slav has built a team which is very capable of causing an upset. They are young, hungry and possibly possess the most gifted midfield in the tournament in the form of Sionko, Modric and Krankjar. Imagine if Eduardo had been playing up front?

Dexy’s Diamond

Pale skinned Modric got of to a flyer after just 4 minutes against Austria. The ickle Roland Rat ringer is the big cheese of the Croatian squad and the Yids will be his biggest Rat fans next season. Diamond White.



Things must be bad if Der Kaiser slaughters his home nation. Beckenbauer said that Joachim Lows team won’t even get past the quarters. Mario Gormlez has been overshadowed by Podolski who was turfed out to the left wing & still managed 3 goals. It’s the Nasshenshraft’s defensive flaws which may cost them against the Portugeezers in Basel.

Dexy’s Diamond

The Diamond-Ballack will be hoping to impress his new boss by turning him over tonight. His Ronaldoesque net buster against the Austrians helped calm the nerves in the Fatherland and his team talks will be critical now that naughty Low is sidelined after his bust-up on Monday.



Fantastic fans, shame about the players. Poles apart and Pole-axed are all I can come up with for the bore merchants. At least, the building work of London can re-commence & Leo Beenhakker can get back to The Sky At Night.

Dexy’s Diamond

Eli Smolerek’s solitary yellow was all he could muster in a bid to emulate his fathers 80’s heroics. He didn’t play bad, it was the poor Polska side around him that did that. Daddy was big Diamond geezer. Junior is just a doughnut loser.

Catch part 2 tommorow and enjoy the game tonight.


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  • Brian Smith

    I do tend to agree with Mr Dexy, Czech v Turkey was the best game I’ve seen in ages, Gr-Gr-Granville would have been dead proud!!

    I actually like the Croatian kit, we are talking about a nation that is barely 20 years old, the red and white checks are now synonymous with the Croats. It seems their fans are the most colourful and well liked too.

  • Darren

    that’s what I’m talking about!! Never write them off.

    Matt Quinn, Andy Townsend, Gareth Barry, Lional Messi, your boys took one of a beating!!!!

  • Darren

    I thought Ronaldo was average tonight, and average in the whole tournament. Matt Quinn always bangs on about Messi, but it’s true what he says, Ronaldo doesn’t seem to beat players any more like Messi does. If I was Scolari I’d be saying take them on, take them on, he looked totally lost and isolated up front. What a waste!!

  • Matt Quinn

    Germany came up against a poor Portugal team. That is all. Russia will win the tournament. Superb team who play in the right manner.

  • Darren

    Yes the Russians played superb, but there is no way the Dutch will let the 2 full backs attack like that. You say Germany beat a very poor Portugal side, well Russia beat a very, very poor Swedish side, Russian will not win, we all know that. Germany all the day long, when it matters, they perform!

  • dexylongshot

    The Germans always sneak through, fair play though,it wasn’t as if they fluked it, ronny was pony. Ballack was excellent.
    I hope Croatia whip the turks later.

  • dexylongshot

    I can’t believe what i’ve just seen, 2 goals in the last 2 minutes of extra time, what a tournament, especially for the neutrals (an the Turks!), it wouldn’t surprise me if it;s 14-13!

  • dexylongshot

    3-1 and Turkey are thru, How good was Rustu, feel sorry for Bilic but he’ll be back.
    So are Turkey the new Greece??

  • Darren

    OMG!!!! you have to give the Turks credit, never beaten! Croatia were very poor, as for the penalties, worse then England! We know what they are feeling as we’ve been there 5 times.

    But Turkey, un-bloody-believable!! 1-0 down with 30 seconds left and they still don’t give up.

    It’s Germany vs Germany in the semis. although I kind of fancy the real Germany to win that by at least 3.

    It’s Germany’s tournament to lose now!!

  • dexylongshot

    Oh Yah! Auf Wiedersain my turkish friends!
    Totally agree, Ballack’s boys will be too good for the under-strengh turks, especially one missing the boy Arda, he was a cut above, how bad was Nihets injury when he limped of, he will missed.

  • Darren

    Nihet put that injury on because his free kick was the worst of all time. Arda is the only player with any real class. Tucay looked knackered too.

    I wouldn’t put it past the Turks to put 10 players behind the ball hoping for pens, even then have no chance, Germany 1 penalty miss since 1982.

  • Brian Smith

    talk about ups and downs, it was like watching England, dull, dull, dull for 118 minutes, they take the lead the lose it and inevitably go out on pens. Talk about highs and lows and false sense of hope!! Brilliant viewing!

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