Will Fabregas Ever Bugger Off?

by Gossip Gordon

Friday, July 22nd, 2011

Gossip Gordon has come out of retirement to address the pressing matters of the transfer market. Gordon knows that half of these rumours are probably made-up by the cleaner at The Sun or, in a bygone era, were probably found out by certain chaps listening in on intimidate phone calls between Kevin Keegan and Alan Shearer. Anyway, on with the rumours…

Carlos Tevez wants to get out of Manchester City. Brazilian side Corinthians offered £40 million for the Argentinean, but that deal has since fallen flat. Tevez was last since sipping Mojitos with some chap from Inter Milan. Countryman Sergio Aguero of Athletic Madrid is apparently preparing to take a pay-cut to replace him at City.

The incredibly boring flirtation between Barcelona and Cesc Fabregas rumbles on. The two have once again spent an entire summer winking at each other and mentioning how great they both look. Barca, however, seem to have balked at the price of taking Fab on a second date. Arsenal have allegedly given the Catalans ten days to do the deal, ‘or else’. The Gunners could replace the wantaway captain with Marek Hamsik, according to some sources, who is a better player anyway, according to this source.

Liverpool want to blow £10 million on Lee Cattermole, despite knowing that the Sunderland man’s tackling often resembles a healthy mix of WWF wrestling, taekwondo and what you see outside a bar on a Saturday night – common assault.

Goalkeeper values are all over the place. Thibaut Courtois, a 19-year keeper (and probably a part-time chocolate maker) from Belgium, has joined Chelsea for almost £7 million, while Shay Given has gone to Aston Villa for a paltry £3.5 million. West Brom could sign Ben Foster on loan for a year.

Owen Hargreaves is rumoured to in talks with West Brom and Leicester. Both clubs seem to be swerving the deal, probably on the realisation that their physios will be demanding pay-rises and hospital equipment if the Canadian/English/Welsh bloke hobbles their way.

Arsenal will apparently have to pay £18 million if they want to buy Phil Jagielka. Rumours claim that Arsene Wenger was seen tightly hugging onto his piggy bank under his bed, after receiving the news.

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  • darren

    i’m an Arsenal fan, and I was wish Cesc would just bugger off, it’s very boring and is stopping Wenger buying more great potentials of the future with the money

  • Adam King

    I agree. Cesc is not showing any respect at all to the club – if he wants to go then go.

    Would rather us start with Rambo (Ramsey) – he’s the future and will be club captain one day. He showed great maturity to come back from that injury without any anger and he will be a star performer.

    Wenger should take a hit – offload Fabregas and go in for somebody like Lucas Villafanez.

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