Fantasy league special

by Mystical Mike

Wednesday, July 30th, 2008

It’s potty time again

So with only 19 days to go till the start of the new season, overpaid primadonnas all over the country are packing their family’s up and moving to the other end of this glorious land, and placing their orders for their new Mazzeratti’s with leather trim and 25″ alloys……ahm, i mean, our celebrated professionals are looking to further their illustrious careers at new clubs in an effort to fill their trophy cabinets so that when they retire in 5 years at 32 they can look back with pride and joy at their achievements while us mere mortals can only look back at last seasons fantasy league tables and lament that dodgy left back that we bought who shipped in loads of goals, thus costing his team precious points….thanks a bunch George McCartney.Millions of us play fantasy football in some guise or another, be it in The Sun, The Telegraph or the FA’s own Premiership dream team. Personally i recommend Now entering my 4th season, its simple, addictive and much more realistic in that only one person can own a player. Just ask our own Dexy if you can get his nose out of his little black statto book…talk about nerd.

So who’s the movers and the shakers in the fantasy world ? Who will cost you a fortune in monopoly money only to be 3rd choice striker ? Or who will set you back less than a packet of Nobbys Nuts and yet bag you those precious end of season points…read on.

Dexy in Egypt

Any player from the big 4 will gain you points, goes without saying, but there’s a few iffy people maybe to avoid. Torres and Keane will indeed score and assist up at Anfield but they wont play every game, Rafa will constantly be rotating them with Kuyt, Voronin and Nemeth so maybe its worth looking elsewhere.

Usual Suspects

The Drog seems a good bet for points, he will start every game so long as he’s fit, and indeed at the club come August 16th, Anelka maybe a better money buy though. He will score a few now it looks like him and Drogba will be the first choice pairing and wont cost you as much of your pocket money. Shevchenko is obviously a huge no no…if he gets more than 10 league goals this season then ill eat my hat with a lovely bit of Pesto.

Rooney and Tevez will produce the goods, even if Berba does travel to Old Trafford then all 3 will play with Rooney expected to be wider on the left so any of these will produce the goods, I would avoid Ronnie though this season. If he’s still at the club, which this journo suspects he will be, expect a quieter season from him, mainly because it would be impossible to reproduce last seasons goal tally, but also because i dont think he will as involved this year. He’ll be thinking too much of the Bernabeu.

Adebeyor will be the main striker for the gooners this season so expect a hatful from him, but at a price. RVP and Bendtner will be cheaper options and will score their fair share…Eduardo may be a gambling mans option. You’ll get him for next to nothing. Mainly because he cant walk at the moment.

But lets look at some of the other less obvious point scorers. Goal scoring defenders are like pixie dust. Lescotts been found out now so he wont be a bargain anymore. Leighton Baines, Phil Jagielka and big Jo Yobo will be cheaper and just as effective options, as will Laursen and Knight at Villa, and Nelson and Warnock at Blackburn, in fact any combination of defenders from these teams will get you more than your fair share of clean sheets.

Theres always a surprise package, last season (for the first half anyway) it was Man City, this year i think Sunderland are going to surprise people. Keano knows a successful team is built on solid defence so for this reason i think Chimbonda, Higginbotham and Nosworthy will also score well. Diouf and Chopra will also score a few goals if you have an odd £3 million knocking about.

Penalty takers are also a good source of points…obviously Gerrard will go for big money, as will Lampard, but do a ittle research into who takes the penaltys for the lesser clubs and you could be quids in.

Obvious no no’s are any defenders from Bolton, Fulham, Hull, Stoke and West Brom, all cannon fodder, although Zamora and AJ will bag a few goals at the other end for Fulham. (What was Andy Johnson thinking off?)

But my pick of the bunch has to be The Key, big Crouchy and Defoe at Portsmouth. The original little and large will play as many games as Pompey can fit in and will bag a hatful, dont be surprised if they grab 30-40 goals between them this season and do well in Europe too….big ‘Arry has done it again. Must buys for any self concerning dream team manager.

Defensive midfielders are to be avoided too. The likes of Mascerano and Hargreaves wont get you a point, whereas the likes of Gary O’Neil, Stuart Downing, Gareth Barry (wherever he may be) SWP, Joe Cole, Damian Duff, Aaron Lennon, Luka Modric, Jermaine Pennant and Mark Noble will all get you a good handful from midfield.

So good luck with your team, dont forget me if one of my gems wins you the title and the bragging rights in the pub and if Dexy uses any of my tips to win our league…well, that little black book will be going where the sun dont shine…sideways.

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  • Dan Church

    Theres many more names that i didnt mention that are also worth looking at and transfers that havnt happened yet……

    Benayoun may be on his way to Man City, Dos Santos will be replacing Keane at Spurs….both will secure points…..i supect this will be one subject that Dexy will be keeping quiet on….

  • dexylongshot

    Oh titter ye not dear boy, a very handsome collection of names and identifying The Key (you nicked that from me) is a good call. My silver last year, by goal difference by the way has made me more focused than ever, the black book will be moving out of the safe tonight. What’s pixie dust or shouldn’t I ask.

    We’ll try and sort out a league here at UkFF. We won’t be using the shambles at the metro who well and truly ballsed it right up for the Euros.

    Maybe the telegraph, I did that a few years back, the sun is easy too. If we get enough numbers, we’ll sort one. Details coming next week.

    Churchy, you can be the league Chairman.

  • Dan Church

    Maybe do a UKFF league on Fantasy League……..Online Auction ???

    pixie dust = akin to gold dust, but rarer.

  • Darren

    another quality illustration, I must say it’s makes reading these blogs much more fun!

  • Peter29

    Daren Bent is on fire, put him in ya fantasy league team, he is a superstar player!!

  • Danny Brothers

    I was woeful last season at each and every fantasy team I put in for…so if we do start a league up you have nothing to fear! It’s a regular treat the Sunday before the season starts to get the calculator out and start making a team that will surely “win it this time” so I look forward to having my back four injured on the opening day once more or Titus Bramble getting there by mistake…

  • Peter29

    titty Bramble? you is havin a laugh govnor!!

    Darren Bent scored again last night, he is a super star player, 8 in 4.

  • dexy longshot

    Right chaps, keep em peeled this week, currently sorting out a Fantasy Footy league, will hopefully have all the details up by the weekend so you can get your calculator out Sunday morning brothers!
    Quick sneak over the tabloids, see what Stan, Lawro, butcher, Crooks? have got to say about their dreamteam, then, write it all down on piece of paper for the wallet for the opening day to see your star player come unstuck in the first few minutes.

    Who’s gonna be putting Keane in then?

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