Is the England circus better than Eastenders?

by James Baker

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

The case for the defence, your honour!

Nearly a week has passed and the fall-out from the John Terry saga is still rumbling on. That darling of celebs, well anyone with a bob or two to make, Max Clifford assures us that we will finally know the truth by the end of the week. To be honest, I don’t care who has been doing what to whom. I don’t care about supposed abortions. I don’t care that Toni Terry (great name that) is on holiday in Dubai to get away from it all. All I care about is the damaging affect this is going to have on the England squad come World Cup time.

Only the most one-eyed Chelsea and England fans can be surprised by the revelations of JT’s infidelity. He is and has always been a grade A moron of the highest order. Night club punch-ups, abusing American tourist at Heathrow after 9/11 and supposed other affairs if we are to believe all we read. He is a class less individual. However, he is more than a good defender and is a top captain. Team mates respond to him. Now this maybe that many of them are morons as well but he does have a flair for leadership and is the kind of captain players love to play with.

So what happens now? Should Terry fall on his sword (isn’t that what Miss Peroncell did)? Is the weight of public opinion so against him that he must stand down? Over to you Mr Capello. Who do you think should be the new captain if we do need one? Have a look at our rogue’s gallery and tell us what you think.

First up is Cashley. A man seemingly obsessed with money he nearly crashed his car when he heard of Arsenal’s offer to keep him at their club. He has also asked for time to pay his fine for the speeding ban he received last week. I’m sure him and Cheryl are struggling to make ends meet!! Another player famously caught playing away, can he really be England skipper? By the way, as lovely she is, there must be something wrong with that girl to be with him.

Next we have Terry’s old mucker, Mr Lampard. He of the holiday sex tape fame and the same Heathrow incident involving Terry after 9/11. He seems to be back in favour with the England fans and is a guaranteed starter. Would he agree to captain the team if he is as close to Terry as some would have us believe?

Could Rio be the man? He of the same sex tape scandal as Lampard and the absent-minded fellow who missed a rather important appointment a few years ago. An 8 month ban followed for Rio. Like Lampard, he has grown up a hell of a lot over the past few years but is having a horrible season blighted by injury.

Stevie G anyone? Mr Liverpool has been another of England’s most vital players over the past few years. He blotted his copybook a little last year with a punch-up in a Liverpool night spot (he was acquitted). He probably has the least chequered past but is he the man?

Rooney. What a player. The man is on fire and enjoying his best ever season. I love him and he is my current favourite player. He has a few ladies of an older persuasion knocking around with the skeletons in his closet. He seems to be over that now (what were you thinking?) Should our best player have the armband?

So there we go. All of them have very good reasons not to pick them as captain if we are going purely on the moral grounds the press are shoving down our throats. The modern day footballer is never going to set the world alight at CERN, NASA or in Parliament. They are footballers and have their embarrassing pasts as we all do. Would I sack Terry? I can’t stand the bloke but if the players can still play with him, then I would keep him. If not, Rio would be the man for me. A far better defender than Terry in my opinion but not as good a skipper. I wouldn’t want to burden Rooney with captaincy. What say you?

Be Sociable, Share!
  • mickeymarbles

    Rooney for me, chuck him in.

  • Tef1on

    Their all cheats, all of them apart from Ferdinand have been caught cheating on their misses, Ferdi cheated on his drugs test. Dont know why this topic is still major convisation.

  • Nicky

    If they are going to change the captaincy and as this is so close to the world cup I would advise against it, I would choose a defender. Someone said in the darkness of time, a defender as captain works because he is literally behind them pulling up the ranks, pushing them forward. Well it was something like that anyway. So out of your bunch, it would have to be Rio.

  • JB

    Changing the subject a little, does anyone else think Cashley with his new short look, looks a bit like Arnold from Different Strokes?

  • Darren

    You couldn’t actually write a better script! It’s real life footballers wives. Classic, irony is the press are damaging our chances of lifting the world cup even more.

    I bet the Germans don’t behave like this

  • dexylongshot

    Wot you talkin bout willis?

  • dexylongshot

    It’s in the press now that it was knocking off another premiership players old girl, still married with kids. Who are these women, maybe i’m old fashioned but when there are kids involved it’s unforgivable, i can’t believe Toni wants to stay with him, she will forever be suspicious. I’m all for trying to save the marriage for the kids but it isn’t if it’s just a one of.

  • JB

    There was great article in The Times today. Mike Atherton asking what does an England football captain actually do. Is it really that important? When compared to what the England cricket captain does, it isn’t much. I think Capello was quite suprised when he arrived in England of the importance of the job of England skipper which was one of the reasons he took such a long time to choose one. In Italy, the player with the most caps is the captain.

  • Dave

    Im tired of it all, I just wish we could talk about the football and not their private lives.

  • Darren

    sadly, that’s what the media do I’m afraid.

    Girls used to aspire to be like Cindy Crawford, Claudia Schiffer & Helena Christensen. Now they aspire to be a wag. Shag a footballer, sell your story and you become famous.

    It’s part of the reality TV generation.

    I blame the introweb and p-mail

  • Dave

    And Sky for making these people some of the highest paid “sportsstars” on the planet.

    Its amazing what 150 grand a week can get you nowadays, Im an ugly sod but if I was earning like that Im sure I would have women throwing themselves at me,ha ha

Previous post:

Next post: