Peter Crouch – what is he good for?

by Kobina Monney

Tuesday, August 30th, 2011

Absolutely nothing?

Instead of picking on Arsenal I’ll pick on their North London rivals and Peter Crouch in particular after his performance last Sunday.

I’ve been struggling to figure out why he was selected for the game against City and his display left me even more confused. He scores but he’s not very prolific. Many would trot out the annoying observation that “he’s got good feet for a tall man” (why, can he not see the ball from where he’s standing?) but most of the time he looks like he’s about to fall over (and spends as much time on the ground as Emile Heskey) and he’s tall…but can’t seem to use that to his advantage.

He showed that he can be a reasonable to good finisher but he’s never shown the kind of evidence that, if given one chance in a whole match, he would put it away with unerring precision. My biggest criticism of Crouch is that as each year passes he’s becoming less reliable and more of a liability. I refer you to that red card against Real Madrid in Champions League.

He squanders possession, as he did on more than a few occasions against City, either by giving away fouls or being crowded out by the opposition. He had a chance to put Spurs back in the match but planted the header wide (by a couple of inches, it has to be said). If that was Darren Bent you’d be surprised if the ball ended anywhere but the goal but with Crouch I’m less confident in his technique.

The nature of his physique means that Tottenham often play the ball long, hoping that through his knockdowns either Van der Vaart, Bale, Lennon or Defoe can pick up the pieces. Oftentimes it works, most times Tottenham concede possession. Playing to his feet could be a better alternative but for a striker with the height of Crouch, the dilemma is that you’d rather have him in the box than being involved in the build up some fifteen/twenty yards away before he puts those gangly legs in motion and (slowly) makes his way to the box.

So what use does he have? He doesn’t have the scoring prowess of Bent, lacks the touch or imagination of a Rooney and physically he’s a pushover unless he pulls the defender’s hair. What we have here is player who’s included for a very specific purpose  and when he fails to perform offers less and less to the team. Tottenham must desperately want Adebayor to get match fit because if they continue to play with Crouch they’ll find themselves shipping in more goals more than they score.

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  • Big Mal

    Correct. The worst ‘big’ signing we have ever made and one reason why Harry is not a top rate manager. watching Crouch makes me realise that I could do a better job than a premier league footballer.

  • one eyed frank

    I got sick to death watching him last season. I’ve already seen enough of him this season that I’m regretting renewing my season ticket. Harry and chum(p)s out asap.

  • rich g

    Draught excluder? “crouchie” is a disgrace to the footballing world, get rid of this chump asap

  • TommyHarmer

    Same as ‘War’ – absolutely nothing …….. worst is that grin when he makes a mess of things, or the hands to the head.

  • http://DexysDen Bill Nics

    Target Practice..He has got to go, its getting very Embarrassing now.Lump it up to Stretch and Hope he can head it!! what sort of Tactic is that?? school boy stuff..And Redknapp i Stop f**king Mouthing off to the press, about our players.It,s your fault we,ve had our Arses kicked by both sets of Manks, FFS sort it our or F88k off beck to Bournemouth !!.

  • dexylongshot

    Ah Tommy, you beat me to the Edwin Starr punchline.
    He must be good at something, especially hanging onto Abbey Clancey, the lanky swine! I heard Ac Milan were interested, probably a tall story….hohoho.

  • mendesscoresfromthehalf way line

    …and then there’s the really good news that he doesn’t want to go anywhere else cos he likes it under ‘arry – Well of course he fuckin’ does, it’s money for old rope sitting on the bench or just cocking things up. He jumps in the air, the ball smacks him on the noggin and shoots off to God knows where and as for holding a ball up he can’t even hold himself up most of the time. Good feet? He’s got one left foot and one right foot and a lot of the time they just don’t work in harmony. The trouble is we have no chance of getting rid because Harry loves him.

  • Panais

    If you were in Cyprus and asked this question, straight away the answer would’ve been ‘ good for picking figs’ .
    I don’t expect people to understand the joke, only the Cypriot community and of those only the old timers.
    Cypriots have this ‘saying’ for tall people not good for anything, quite useless in fact. Why figs, because is the type of tree no one like to get on it.
    I personally think he is too clumsy on his feet compare him with a short man like Messi or Ardilles to name two. He spends most of the time on the floor than chassing the ball. I wonder why he did not choose to be goalkeeper. But there again he had to be fast and clearly he is not.
    Hence good for picking figs. The sooner he goes the better.

  • Stoney

    Changing lightbulbs

  • Panais

    Perhaps a bit harsh on Crouch but when you watch him regularly and for no good reason is on the ground or many of his headers going all over the place what can one think?

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