Premier League crap 11

by Matt Quinn

Monday, April 28th, 2008


Matt Quinn gives his run down on who he thinks deserves to be in the Premier League crap team of the season. You may agree, you disagree, either way, we would love to hear your thoughts.


GK- Paul Robinson

How much his star has waned is best judged by the fact that Robinson has been linked with a move to Middlesbrough in the summer. Poor lad. The one time England number 1 is now so far down the national pecking order that even the calamitous Scott Carson is considered a safer pair of hands. Last season he conceded the highest number of goals from outside the area in the Premiership. He has managed to continue his slump this season too.


RB- Emmanuel Eboue

Once a promising up and coming young right back. Now a bumbling, irritating and underachieving right winger. Eboue isn’t in this years worst team just for having a totally smackable face, he is also in for somehow having managed to rid himself of anything resembling talent or skill. The real weak-link in Arsenal’s sumptuous team.


LB- Jose Enrique

Highly regarded in Spain and the subject of a big money move to Newcastle this summer meant just one thing. The toon had a new Marcelino. One of the most irritating players to watch as he has adapted to the Premierships style of play a little too readily. Rather than stay true to his latin roots, Enrique can now be seen launching 65 yard hoofs at St James’ Park most weeks.


CB- Younes Kaboul

Another big money, foreign flop. A few early goals in the Premiership did little to mask the fact that Kaboul is a poor man’s Titus Bramble. Naïve positioning, poor timing and little tactical nous saw Tottenham’s defence ripped to shreds as Kaboul’s incompetence spread to the normally reliable Michael Dawson. Now midfielder Didier Zokora gets picked ahead of him at centre half.


CB- Liam Ridgewell

Or Agent Ridgewell as we Villa fans call him affectionately. By scoring an own goal in the Birmingham derby, Ridgewell endeared himself more to Villa fans than in all the years he spent at Villa Park. Blunders are never far away when Liam is on the pitch and he is probably culpable for 60% of all goals conceded by Birmingham. He also has a rubbish ‘tashe and tattoo.


RW- Luis Boa Morte

I used to really rate Boa Morte and considered him to be worthy of a big move. He sort of got that when he moved to West Ham. However, he has been extremely poor this year and has had to endure the wrath of the Upton Park faithful on several occasions this year. Also a bit feisty.


CM- Michael Brown

The biggest thug in the Premiership. I don’t care how he plays to be honest, I just cant stand the guy. Each season Brown is culpable for several potentially career threatening tackles and this season has been no different. Happy to kick, pinch, stamp, spit and head-butt his way through a game.


CM- Mohammed Sissoko

Another who looked an extremely promising player a year or so ago until injuries took their toll. Possibly the proud owner of the worst first touch in the Premiership. Despite this, Sissoko has somehow wangled a move to Juventus. Surely proof that Juventus must still be accepting bungs.


LW- Ryan Giggs

A bit harsh on Giggs, perhaps, but I find it painful to watch a once great player struggle so badly on the big stage. Only getting game time in his bid to beat Bobby Charlton’s appearance record, Giggs has understandably lost his pace. Unfortunately for him he has also misplaced his touch and passing ability.


CF- Lee Dong Gook

Part of me hates myself for putting Dong Gook in the team as he has provided many of the funniest moments of the season. In the end, he got the nod for the centre forward berth by virtue of being rubbish. Possibly the worst footballer I have ever seen. Ever. He will always have a place in my heart though.


CF- Leroy Lita

Lita ended last season with a flourish, looking the part in the U21 European Championships in the summer. He has ended this season on loan at Charlton. Pace, power and an eye for goal has not been enough to help his career get off the ground. Off field problems have meant that even Reading’s goal shy forward line has rarely featured Lita this year.



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  • Darren

    Great piece Matt, poor mans Titus Bramble, that says it all!!

    Steve Sidwell must be a contender as is Shaun Wright Philips, 2 players who chose money over football and in effect took 10 steps backwards.

  • Michael

    Little harsh on giggsy i must say but the rest is pretty much spot on. Must say i agree wit darren though Wright-Phillips has been well disappointing and wouldn’t have been surprised to see his name in there.

  • Tef1on

    No Phillip Senderos?

  • Tef1on

    And you have to Add Cashley Cole for being a twat!

  • James Webb

    Ridgy is a legend !!!

  • James Webb

    Think my team would give yours a run for the worst ever premiership game:

    kasey keller
    pascal chimponda
    martin taylor
    philip senderos
    darren moore
    robbie savage
    papa diop
    freddie ljungberg
    florent malouda
    claudio pizarro
    darren bent

  • Darren

    good call, I forgot about Ljunberg, another twat who thought he could earn more else where when we knew he was finished!

    I think we are missing the biggest flop of all. Shevchenko , possibly the biggest flop of all time!

  • bobby lucas

    David Nugent a proven championship player. a snip at 6 million.

    Mido is another. it must be great to earn thousands of pounds a week for nothing and live on big macs.

  • Jackie Emu

    can I add Julio Arca poor season

  • Darren

    Nugent for sure, Harry didn’t like him full stop. How many appearances? Twice?

    Mido was brilliant at Fulham, I was there, true football fan, even watching crap teams like Boro & Fulham!

    Senderdros is crap but to be fair he was ok in the Prem league games.

    Eboue wins it for me, 0 goals for a winger, 1 assist all season, disgwace.

    Arsenal for the league!!!!!

  • Tef1on

    Did you see Eboue Last night Darren? Fell over his own feet to miss an open goal!

  • Darren

    there are only 3 words to describe his footballing ability.

    he has none

  • Iain

    Based purely on the players I’ve seen live this season, here are some notable mentions;

    Armand Traore – no idea how to defend
    Mido – enormous, enormous man (Actually, many many Boro players would get in this list)
    Diomansy Kamara – lazy and rubbish. Made david Healy look good.
    Alan Smith – since being dropped Newcastle win games
    Martin Taylor – obviously
    Julius Agahowa – so so poor.
    Paul McShane – He was quite good in Hi De Hi, though.
    Zat Knight (sorry Matt, but when I saw him play for Fulham he was poo)

  • Darren

    Armand Traore suffers from the same disease as Diaby, ‘I must beat a player, I must beat a player’!!!
    Although I do think he will learn, he’s quick and has a good left foot,

    Good call on Alan Smith, a championship player if I’ve seen one! How many goals has he scored for Newcastle this season? 0?

    Darren Bent, 16m for a championship player, only the Spuds could be so foolish!

  • Tef1on

    The whole of the derby squad need a good mention too

  • Darren

    I think have been so poor that don’t actually count!

    Have you a PS3 Telfon? We’ve got loads of Euro 2008 games to give away

  • Tobi Okowe

    I think this is the worst team.
    Gk RB Cb Cb LB
    Roy Caroll Eboue Senderos Bramble Armand Troare

    RM Cm Cm Lm
    Wright Phillips Papa Boupa Diop Sidwell M. Taylor

    CF CF
    Shevchenko Rasiak

  • Jon Freebase

    I have a championship team for you

    Henderson, Stearman, McAuley, N’Gotty, Mattock, Bell, Ashley Chambers, Worley, Fryatt, Oakley, Hayles, Howard, Hume, Douglas, Clapham, Wesolowski

    and any of the other useless twats that have played for us this season

    RIP Leicester City

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