Premier League predictions with a comedy twist

by Mystical Mike

Wednesday, January 9th, 2008


Arsenal V Brum

The Arsenal are flying…riding high…in the fast lane and definitely on the right track…no more travel references shoe horned in I promise! Suffice to say Arsenal will win this one. Birmingham are very hit and miss… most teams miss versus Arsenal so no disgrace there Blues.

Prediction 2-0


Aston Villa V Reading

‘Oh Come on Aston Villa score us another goal’ is often cried from the posh seats at Villa park…I suspect this game will see more than one goal…Laursen is on fire and Melberg has a lovely bushy beard. Reading don’t field any players with beards

Prediction 3-1


Chelsea V Tottingham

Long since the early days this encounter has been like the a Eurovision song contest lots of nil points to Spurs. It could be different this time round Berbatov is in a rich vein of form and Chelsea do leak the odd goal at the moment.

Prediction 1-1


Derby V Wigan

Will someone at Derby switch off the lights and close the door on their way out…Wigan are getting results of late and must be buoyed up for a relegation six pointer after an impressive demolition of the Black cats. I see more of the same.

Prediction 1-2


Everton V Man City

The Yak is away so the canteen at goodison will probably close down but that won’t stop Everton, they seem to be coping very well even when missing key players…Man City are doing Sven proud, the rumours are not true that Abba will reforming to produce the half time entertainment. Obvious Clich├ęd Swedish joke.

Prediction 2-1


Manchester United V Newcastle

Is this one battle too many for Big fat hairy Yosemite Sam, Last chance saloon? Instant success is wanted by the Looney Toons but Sam can only guarantee more gun slinging from the media. Man United are too good to slip up here.

Prediction 2-0


Middlesbrough V Liverpool

Previously this game has ended 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, and 0-0 I suspect Gareth would take 0-0 now. The question is will boro kick off and take the ball into the corner for 90 minutes…I hope so because I’m putting 0-0 on my pools coupon. Actually that would be madness Liverpool are too good and boro’s home record very sketchy.

Prediction 0-2


West Ham V Fulham

A team managed by the cross between Maggie Thatch and Harold Steptoe is destined to become a laughing stock, take a bow Fulham and Roy Hodgson. West Ham have had a good time of late and I expect them to send Hodgson back to the rag and bone yard empty handed.

Prediction 3-1


Bolton V Blackburn

A bit local pride at stake here…hmmmn imagine freshly baked mother’s pride and a juicy steak…sorry I digress…hmmmn Lancashire hot-pot… Er…sorry Blackburn have just too much quality.. street…

Prediction 0-1


Sunderland V Portsmouth

If Portsmouth could bottle away goals they probably would as I see more today. Sunderland only have a few premiership class players but plenty of Roy Keane inspired bottle (few goals in them) I see Pompey being too strong even without the African contingent.

Prediction 0-2

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  • Jackie Emu

    Brilliant…best blog ever this!

  • Pongo

    I love reading Derrick Boogies column, it always puts a smile on face! Great comedy all round. This has to be your best one yet, loving the Rag and bone man reference.

    Keep it up DB.

    Oh by the way, I’m a Reading fan, and you are right, I can’t remember the last beaded player we had. Lita had a goatee last season, does that count?

  • Peter

    Please include more sitcoms.

    Birmingham = Dad’s Army

    Arsenal = Allo Allo

    Middlesbrough = Keeping up appearances

    Liverpool = One foot in the grave

    Spurs = When the whisle blows

    anyone else?

  • Darren

    Derby = Alan Partridge, Cirque des Clunes (Circus of Clowns)

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