Shearer – The second coming?

by admin

Friday, April 3rd, 2009

Shearer to save Newcastle from the drop?

Alan Shearer has been appointed the new manger of Newcastle United until the end of the season, giving him just eight games to prevent the Magpies from being relegated.

The former England captain and Newcastle legend has been handed the task by owner, Mike Ashley, who is desperately attempting – with his last throw of the dice – to keep the fans off his back and Newcastle in the Premier League.

The beleaguered Ashley has been persona non grata around Newcastle ever since the ‘second coming’ of Kevin Keegan ended prematurely, and he rather foolishly signed up every taxi drivers’ favourite passenger – Dennis Wise, as Executive Director of Football.

But in an attempt to save Newcastle’s season and get the fans back onside, Ashley has not only hired Shearer, but he has also said goodbye to the services of the diminutive Wise, whose contribution to the club can be weighed up in one word – nothing!

The ‘Toon Army’ has had to endure a torrid season so far, on and off the pitch. Seeing their side languish in the bottom three after too many insipid performances, the fans have also witnessed their beloved ‘King Kev’ skulk away from management and replacement boss Joe Kinnear, end up in hospital.

So now, Shearer is the second ‘messiah’ to arrive back at St James’ Park, after Keegan, and hold the hopes and expectations of the Geordie supporters in his hands. The club’s all time record goal-scorer and local boy made good, will receive the full backing of the fans that idolised him when he adorned the black and white stripes of the Magpies during his playing career.

To help him in his task of achieving Premier League survival, Shearer has appointed his former Southampton teammate, Iain Dowie, as his Assistant Manager. Dowie brings management experience to the table, although it has to be said – without much success. But it will be his hands on approach that Shearer will most seek.

As for Shearer himself, it is his first stab at being a manager. Some say he is brave, others calculated, as now is as-good-a-time-as-any to take up the responsibility at Newcastle, where the stench of desperation can be smelt way across the Tyne.

Why else would a top club offer the manager’s job to a complete novice to steer their rudderless ship to safe land? Granted, Shearer does have his coaching badges, but it’s a bit like a cavalry officer at the battle of the Little Big Horn, who knows how to assemble his rifle, but has never fired it at anyone.

Well it’s certainly a baptism of fire for Shearer to take over at Newcastle at this juncture – while staring down the barrel of relegation – and one hell of a way to lose his cherry.

But what has he got to lose, more hair? Possibly, but if anyone can inspire and lift the underachieving Newcastle players into winning ways, then it’s the receding, BBC pundit, whose success as a player makes him highly respected throughout the game.

But if Shearer fails and Newcastle drop down a division, at least he has the safety net, or rather comfy sofa, of a BBC studio that echoes to the theme of Match of the Day, and has the smug embraces of Gary Lineker and Alan Hansen to console him.

And if Shearer achieves his goal and Newcastle stay up, there will be a huge clamour in the north east of England for him to stay as manager, while his status as a Geordie like God will be preserved for all eternity.

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  • Martin Tibbetts

    No way he is staying. I think he will keep them up, there are worse teams down there, but will go back to MOTD anyway. He will never take the reins full time, he enjoys the group masturbation from the fat shirtless ones too much to risk losing it……

  • Darren

    he has nothing to lose, if he succeeds then he will be the Ultimate Messiah, he will go down in folk law as the man who single handedly saved Newcastle, even though we all know Ian Dowie will be doing all the donkey work behind the scenes.

    It will raise Shearers profile and who knows, if he does an excellent job England Under 21’s next?

  • Patrick

    it really is true that he has nothing to lose. if they go down everyone will say 8 games was never enough to save them anyway. if they stay up he’s a hero who can demand pretty much what he wants to stay. and if he is true to his word and only stays the 8 games then there is always the bbc gravy train to head back to. personally i reckon they’ll go down. they might get a point or even a win at spurs but going into that match they could be as much as 8 points adrift if they lose to both chelsa and stoke and the teams above them win. that’s too much to make up in the remaining 5 games and the last couple of games could be painful to watch. imagine 50’000 shirtless sobbing geordies. not something i’m looking forward to seeing.

  • Bernie

    Alan Shearer cannot lose out of this, fact!

    If he was such a great guy who couldnt stand by and watch his beloved club go down the pan why didnt he step up to the plate several months ago before they employed that idiot Joe Kinnear, he has left it until they are in so much bother that if they now do go down he can site that he only had 8 games, morale was low, lots of injuries yadda yadda.

    The best thing it does is get Shearer off MOTD, he has to be one of the most boring men in History!

  • Mike Somerville

    I think there was a poll sayign that Alan Shearer would be the perfect footballing bloke to go out for a pint with…. what rubbish! He has little personality as we’ve seen on MOTD, and employing Iain Dowie for a club battling relegation is crazy! I’m pretty sure that every club Dowie has been manager of has been eventaully relegated… Crystal Palace, Charlton, look at them now.

  • Darren

    business as usual for the toon.

    Bye bye Boro!

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