The fans guide to the African Cup of Nations 2010 – part 2

by Mystical Mike

Friday, January 8th, 2010

Group C – Benin, Egypt, Nigeria, Mozambique

Not a lot of people have heard of Benin and less have seen it, the gaff is tiny and the squad is tinier but they definitely have the best nickname, The Squirrals! Most of the ickle Benin team make Shaun Wright Phillips look like Crouchy on stilts. Still they have huge heart and will pack the midfield looking to break with the pint-sized power-packed pace of Omotoyossi.

Dexy’s Diamond
Omotoyossi is the nuts but one man doesn’t make a team though & their shortcomings will soon be exposed.

Talking of little, I made a nice little earner two years back when The Pharaohs defied the odds and kept hold of the cup which they won 2 years earlier. They aim to make it third time lucky but I fear the sands of time are catching up on The Egyptians. Even with the fearsome looking Hassan Shehasta in charge, I can’t see him making it 3 in a row despite the ZZ upTOP pairing of Zippy Zidan and wacky Zaki (remember him?).

Dexy’s Diamond
Zidan is like sh8t of sand shovel, give him some space and the fez wearer will make mincemeat of you, just like that!

The Mambas haven’t been at the finals for a decade but  have shown pukka form recently and could be the dark horses to ram raid the knock-outs. They ensured qualification defeating Tunisia in their final game and knocking them out of the World Cup as well. TicoTico is the skipper of the side and at 36 this will be his curtain call on the world stage. He is a God in these parts with the most goals and caps for his country. The team will get stuck in and try to release Domingues and Dario on the right and up front.

Dexy’s Diamond
Domingues will be used in tandem with both Dario and Tico Tico! He recently won Player of the Year in the South African League with Supersport United and is definitely one to keep an eye on.

The Super Eagles had good team a few years back but looking at them on paper now and with the injuries they have, i’m not so sure they have enough to get beyond the last 8. Martins is an injury concern as is Yakubu who has struggled with The Toffees this season. Midfield is the strong-point with the excellent Mikel taking time out from his Chelsea commitments The problem with Nigeria is they lack any real flair in the centre and I don’t think they are watertight at the back either.

Dexy’s Diamond
Mikel I rarely rate him but I think he will become one of the world’s best in the next few years!

Dexy’s Group Winner: Egypt

Group D – Cameroon, Gabon, Tunisia, Zambia

Cameroon once again are one of the favourites after falling at the last hurdle in Ghana. Plenty of talent in this side and of course Samual Eto’o who will be in the top goalscorer charts at the end. The defence looks a bit tasty as well with Assou-Ekotto and old boy Rigobert Song along with Bassong and Geremi (who I think is the mutts nuts). Tricky Emana will dictate play in the centre backed up by Mbia and Alex Song.

Dexy’s Diamond
Eto’o, top goalscorer in 08, you should know he’s a diamond by now!

I’ll be truthful and say I haven’t got a Danny when it comes to Gabon. They have slimiest named Manager in the history of slimy named managers in the form of ex-frog national Alain Giresse. The countries population of just 2 million doesn’t help the footy cause where the national team is concerned with half the players not even playing club football. They will be cannon fodder for the likes of Eto’o and I’ll be getting a score on him to bag an hatrick against this lot.

Dexy’s Diamond
Cousin is meant to be the best they have but he’s a bit of an hot head too, expect tricks and tantrums.

After Humbarto Coelho got the elbow for World Cup failure, Faouzi Benzarti’s Tunisia are a team in transition but should have enough for the quarter finals. They have done so in the last 3 tournaments including their win in 2004. Most of the team play in Europe when not practising keepy uppeys on the old Mos Eisley film sets..

Dexy’s Diamond
Darragi , their tough midfield will marshalled by the lad, the nearest thing the’ll ever  have to a Jedi!

Zambia aka The ChiPoloPolo would be the team with the hole rather than mint if it wasn’t for their cat-like goalie Mweene. They are consistently at The ACNs but rarely venture further than the group stages and I don’t see them getting the better of Cameroon or Tunisia. They do have their own version of Jack and Bobby Charlton with the excellently named KATANGO BROTHERS (Aaahhrrraaa Aaahhrrraaa my friend!). Lenny Henry is a big fan..

Dexy’s Diamond
Mweene is well Mweene between the sticks my friend Aaahhrraa Aaahhrraa!!!

Dexy’S Group Winner: Cameroon

So there we have it, The 27th ACN and goals galore with very little defending. Expect 30-yard run-ups for free kicks, untold skied shots and fanatical supporters. The Anchellottis and Wengers of our league will be wincing at some of the unorthadox tackles on their million pound Prem performers and that makes it all the more exciting unless you support Chelsea, sorry Roman!

My pick for the title is between Ivory Coast and Ghana with the Pharaohs again being my longshot. I’ve got to give it to Ivory Coast, they are strong in all departments and should have learnt from their mistakes in 06 and 08. Cameroon will also be there or there about in the semis but I can’t see past Drogs lot. Anyway, here’s to another blinder!!!!

Dexy’s ACN Winner: Ivory Coast
Runner-up: Ghana
Longshot: Egypt

Leading Goalscorers: Kalou, Drogba, Eto.

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  • dexylongshot

    2 days to go, can’t wait for some real longshots!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Darren

    UKFF exclusive, it’s all kicking off, Togo’s team bus has just ben ambushed with machine guns!

  • dexylongshot

    It’s breaking now, there is definately been some machine gun based ambush aggro. No reported deaths but deffo injuries, bloody hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • dexylongshot

    Latest is it was ambushed in Algeria, I just wonder if this will affect The World Cup being staged on the continent. There are plenty of people who might try and use this type of security lapse as an excuse to get the tournament moved. It’s probably too late now but I would’t be surprised if something is mentioned.

  • dexylongshot

    scrap that, it was on Congolese-Angolan border and it looks pretty bad, serous injuries. I wonder if Ade got hit????

  • William

    Ade is unhurt, but visibly shaken. Saw a news clip on BBC.

  • Stevie

    why the hell was the Togan team based in that area when they are fighting for independence?

  • dexylongshot

    They was not happy with the flying arrangements so decided to wing it by bus. A shame. We at at the Den send out our deepest sympathy to the family and friends of the deceased.

  • dexylongshot

    I think it’s bang out order The geezers in charge of the tournament have banned Togo, it’s a bit insensitive don’t you think?

  • mickeymarbles

    I agree, I’ll be venting my gravy diseased spleen about that soon!

  • dexylongshot

    Nice one mickey!

    Just got in from work, those poxy trains in london are a right mare. I missed the footy as well, what a turn up, Cameroon lost to Gabon and my diamond Cousin scored the only goal. Eto’o best put his shooting boots on for the next games or i’ll have no nelsons to spunk at that grab a granny night next week!!!

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