The Fate of Newcastle United

by Teflon

Monday, March 3rd, 2008

From Glittering Cocktails to Fat Jailbirds

Now think back to 1996, Asprillia was turning and twisting every defender until they would collapse from dizziness, Shearer was scoring for fun, Ginola looked pretty and Shaka Hislop sounded like some sort of cocktail you’d order on a Friday night.

This was a Champions League side, beating not only Barcelona at St. James Park, but thrashing the likes of Manchester Utd 5-0 and Spurs 7-1. This was a team built for the future. No wonder the Toon Army called for King Kev to rejoin after Sam Allardyce’s very short stay, so short you must wonder if in fact he was ever there. But you ask any Newcastle fan, he was there, many wished he wasn’t.

Big Sam made only one mistake in the last 12 months, and that was leaving Bolton, he had a good thing going, European Football to look forward to, big names like Anelka leading the team on to what has proved to be a very successful European season.

So what’s different at Newcastle now? 12 years ago they were the main title threat and now the only thing threatening is relegation. Well let’s be honest, the fact is they have wasted so much money on very average players. Signings like Joey Barton (I mean seriously), Michael Owen, Alan Smith & Albert Luque, remember him?

Joey Barton is nothing more than a thug that deserves to be put behind bars. A player with his history and reputation is nothing more than a liability, and to sign a player you just know will be arrested at least once per season is just not worth the risk.

Michael Owen. Now Young Michael used to be like Shearer, a great goal scorer with the world at his feet. But now just over rated and over played. His record speaks for itself, before he went to Real Madrid he averaged roughly just over a goal every 2 games, at Newcastle his record for this season is 6 goals in 23 games. Yes he has had many injuries but maybe the Premiership is a little too much for him now. His injuries have been horrific and I can see what once was a world-beating star to be the next Ronaldo (the old one). Ronaldo got injuries that kept him out for 8 months at a time like Owen, and during his rehab time Ronaldo got fat (just a Michael did), he lost his flare (like Michael), his touch (like Michael) now he is yet again injured and looks like Bambi on ice when playing on a pitch (yet again like Michael).

Bambi Owen

Now for Alan Smith, his Career stats: 350 Apps 68 goals, that’s 1 goal every 5.15 games, which for an England international Striker (and ex Manchester Utd player) is abysmal, compared to Paul Scholes who plays in Midfield and is 4 foot tall scores a goal every 3.9 games. Let’s face it, Alan just isn’t good enough and never really has been, yet he makes the Newcastle first team every week, why?

Dodgy signings and overrated unstable players have ruined Newcastle, they have gone from graceful, mesmerizing, sharp shooting, beautiful cocktails to ugly, overweight, jailbird has-beens. Let’s hope King Kev can get The Toon back on track. No one likes to see a major club go down and disappear like the Sheffield Wednesdays, Leeds Utd and Nottingham Forrest’s did before them.

Newcastle have a very tough run in. They are only 3 points above the relegation zone with some tough games ahead. I can only see doom and gloom for the Toon. With Liverpool, Spurs, Portsmouth, West Ham, Chelsea, Everton, Fulham, Sunderland & Reading left to play I can only see a maximum of 9 points coming their way. Let’s hope I’m wrong.

Good Luck Kev, the Toon needs you!

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  • Darren

    I think we are forgetting 10m Boomsong! Surely the worst signing of all time? He made Titus ‘Tit up’ Bramble look good.

    The fans expect to much at Newcastle, thats half the problem. Look at Everton, I wold say they are as big as the Toon. A fine example of how to run a football club. They don’t expect to win a trophy every year, they never bang on about, they are very loyal to their managers too and it’s starting to pay off. It was only 2 seasons ago they were rock bottom.

    Newcastle fans take note, it takes more than 15 games to get it right, Manchester United and Fergie for example!

  • Dave

    Your assessment is quite harsh. Michael Owen is getting back to match fitness after some horrendous injuries. He did score over the last few games and although didn’t bag the goals, he played decent enough over the weekend. Alan Smith I tend to agree has not been the player I was hoping for. He tends to lose his rag alittle out there. I don’t think his partnership with Owen works too great. All managers make bad purchases and I don’t think Newcastle should be singled out. The club will bounce back like it has always done in the past.

  • Tommo

    Michael Owen is the new Brit Pop sensation, only problem is that was 13 years ago. Like Oasis and the rest of the Brit Pop gang, they are all has beens.

    Newcastle will be 3rd bottom in a fort night. It’s sad but Keegan is out of depth, he had great players back in 99, now he has to work with poo

  • lewins7

    Well looks like you lot were all wrong then doesn’t it……….

    And whoever created the thread I have not heard 1 Fan ever say they wanted Keegan out so please don’t talk cack in the future, cheers.

  • Darren

    I wouldn’t count your chickens yet mate. Anything could happen next season and it probably will!!

    So Keegan won 4 games, wowza, big deal!!

  • Tef1on

    Where in this article does it say “they wanted Keegan out”? Please read the thread before you come here and spam crap…

    Newcastle had an average end to the season, beating below premiership standard teams… Well done… Art the bottom of the article it says “Good Luck Kev, the Toon needs you!” I dont understand why you have posted what you have… So seriously… who is the one talking “cack”?

  • Darren

    maybe he can’t read? or he thinks Newcastle play in Red and White??

    Your team is called Newcastle United mate, not Manchester United, just in case you got confused.

    I’ll lay £50 they don’t finish in the top 10 next season. Any offers?

  • dexylongshot

    I think lewins has got the wrong end of the black & whote stick, Teflon was referring to Big Sam not Keegan

    and i Quote;
    “Sam Allardyce’s very short stay, so short you must wonder if in fact he was ever there.
    But you ask any Newcastle fan, he was there, many wished he wasn’t.”

    It all depends on who he gets in the summer, he”ll probably have 30m and the 1st thing he should do is got to sort the back line out. (it has been pony for donkeys years), Capacas display when he was subbed after half hour (it might have been Portsmouth) was not even Blue Square standard. Knowing King Kev, he’ll probably spunk the lot on Henri and Deco and lose every game 4-5.

  • Tef1on

    I think Newcastle’s plan is to get relegated so then they can win the Championship and at least get one trophy and put in their trophy cabinet.

    But as “Sir Dexy” very wisely states… Its all down to who they sign in the summer.

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