The Good, The Bad and the Ugly if England win the WC

by Mystical Mike

Tuesday, June 1st, 2010

Everyone seems to think it would be the greatest thing on earth if England win the upcoming World Cup. But will it? Doug Drinkwater looks at the good, the bad and the ugly things that might happen should England find their way to glory in South Africa…

The Good

England wins and the nation is awash with euphoria and national pride. People start putting up St George’s flags without fear of being branded a racist.

The column inches of 1966 dwindle to the point where its only mentioned 364 times a year by our archaic press.

Managers who would previously have gone for some cheap winger in Africa start taking more of an interest developing home-grown talent. This causes English to become the dominant language in the Arsenal dressing room, for the first time in a decade.

England, the best in the World. That doesn’t sound a  bad title to hold onto for four years.

Dave Cameron and Nicky Clegg grant us all an extra bank holiday.

Although already hugely popular, grassroots football is boosted by an England win. More kids join clubs and more clubs survive. This is turn makes for a better grassroots level.

The Bad

The English media goes into overdrive. The Sun and The Mirror start calling for knighthoods and other overblown honours. The same guys who were slamming John Terry in the front pages three months ago start salivating about what a nice chap he is…

And the media coverage grows to such an extent where trivial matters such as the country’s deficit are shunted back to page 15 to accommodate Rio Ferdinand’s ‘We Merked Em’ Diary.

The latest ‘Golden Generation’ of Terry, Frank Lampard, Steve Gerrard and friends call it a day, claiming that they have ‘done it all’. England slump to Euro qualifying disaster with Lee Cattermole and Michael Brown anchoring the midfield and Phil Neville back in the side.

Umbro start charging an extra £25 for that extra Gold star they’ve got to put on the England shirt.

The costly price of your typical England player rises to ridiculous levels. Man City prise Leighton Baines from Everton for £74 million.

England, like in the few sports we have won, lose ambition and go on to get hammered in the next two championships. Just like when we lost 5-0 to the Aussies (in the cricket) after we won the Ashes and got pumelled in rugby soon after we won the 2003 rugby World Cup.

The Ugly

Wayne Rooney bares all to the prying eyes of Sky in the dressing room.

The minority of English hooligans get so excited that they start trashing everywhere…and anyone within sight.

John Terry and Ashley Cole’s elation sees them jumping about the dressing room bragging about their trophy, their money and their hoes. All those who don’t support Chelsea feel physically sick.

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  • dexylongshot

    Theo and Bent ain’t made the cut according to talksport & Shaun Wright Phillips is in??

  • Stevie

    Heskey in, the Columbian goal keeper has scored more international goals then Heskey, crazy days!

  • dexylongshot

    and the paraguay penalty taker from the 90s.

    Latest on the net suggest Ledley is out and Dawson in!

    Also Baines, Bent, and Adam Johnson out (I would have kept him in as wild card). All rumours though. What is annoying is that it’s all seeping out. Why didn’t the FA organise a press conference immedietly or at least a press statement.

  • dexylongshot

    There are other reports saying Huddlestone and Parker are both out? This is more confusing than the last Episode of LOST.

  • Stevie

    I’ve been a bit unimpressed with Capello these past few weeks. It all sounds a bit Svenish to me, please lets hope he knows what he is doing

  • Mike

    Agreed, a great manager should always have trust with his players. The Capello Index has certainly eroded some of that trust, and that’s why I’m really not getting carried away with England in the World Cup

  • dexylongshot

    Hot of the press, going home.

    Leighton Baines, Michael Dawson, Tom Huddlestone, Scott Parker, Adam Johnson, Theo Walcott, Darren Bent.


  • rob pullinger

    i would have took adam johnson….the rest im ok with.

  • Darren

    I agree, every team needs a late surprise inclusion, natural left footer too.

    Very surprised by Theo, he has been poor but he’s the kind of player that can perform at the top level as he has proven time and time again.

  • dexylongshot

    I thinl Adam Johnson would have been a much better bet than SWP and Theo. I haven’t seen someone who can dribble that good since McManamen, he has been class and kept SWP out of the Citeh team?

    So glad Joe Boy is in there, i’m thinking Fab will go with this for the USA game.





  • rob pullinger

    no mate…..hart for green, milner/ crouch for heskey…..4-3-1-1

  • chef

    so heres chefs official verdict on the selection…….


    now this isnt based on sour grapes even tho it feels like im chewing a truckload of em…
    …im only hoping rooney doesnt get reinjured or one of the others take anock…
    hes way too thin on forwards and heskeys inclusion is dead wrong…….
    theres enuf wild life over there to start with
    so another donkey is not fuckin needed
    i think his spot is wasted…im adamant about that
    but i guess hes fabs goody two shoes.
    …(theres abad pun in there lads….)
    i would have taken walcott over s.w.p…i think he can have more impact even if its off the bench…and i would have taken the mackem kid over him aswell
    hes keepin him on the citeh bench so again acurious decision…
    im all for form players
    thats my personal opinion
    but id rather go with whats hot now…
    not fuckin years ago…………………

  • Mike

    Sort of glad Theo isn’t going- all he can do is run fast. He doesn’t score enough goals for Arsenal or England. It’s a bit harsh being replaced with SWP but Shauny has got more strength and experience at international level

  • chef

    well readin all sorts of stuff now…..
    heard from afew folk the roon loves his heskey……
    thing is …if rooney does reinjure himsel..and quote me if im wrong he hast scored since coming back….then where do the goals come from.???
    as far as theo…..the big knock is his finishing but hes been injured asweel so if thats the case then yeh replace him…..
    not with swp
    the young lad johnson would have been abetter fit for me………
    nobodys seen him and he could have been a secret weapon sort of thing…..
    like i said i prefer to go with whats hot
    instead of whats not…..
    or has
    apparently fabio thinks the same way……
    he could have fuckin fooled me mind…..!!

  • Darren

    I wouldn’t be to down, Peter Crouch has the best goal scoring record in the world, Defoe knows where the net is, as long as he can stay onside that is.

    You never know, Heskey might be England’s Paulo Rossi!

  • Doug

    Strange selection. Really dissapointed A Johnson is not going and that SWP is! Would have liked to have seen Parker given a go too.

    We are in serious trouble if we have Gerrard and SWP on the pitch at the same time. SWP will be running into cul-de-sacs while Stevie G will be doing his usual thing of playing everywhere, except the position the manager put him in.

    We have no pace and no one in the attacking third has a left foot. France will knock us out in QF.

  • Darren

    What’s even more strange is capello said he was taking players on current form. So why is Upson ahead of Dawson and Johnson not ahead of SWP?

    Sven part 2

  • dexylongshot

    I think the reason for SWP is he tackles back and this would allow Johnson to rampage on which he does so well.
    Would have still liked Adam Johnson in though as well. I read that we can still make a change if one of our current 23 gets injured before the start, I wonder if Fabio is taking this into consideration and thinking of letting Barry have until the kick-off to get fit and if he ain’t outing him and bringing someone back (Parker).

    By The way, my World Cup Group stage previews kick of this weekend with all the juicy goss and predictions.

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