The Hard Men and The Softies

by Mystical Mike

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

Throughout the history of football, there has always been players that seem impervious to harm, hurling themselves at all sorts of challenges with no regard for personal safety (or the safety of the opposition for that matter). This years batch of players are no different. The premiership being the most physical league in the world (citation?) means that tough guys from all over congregate and compete to see who dishes out the most pain.

The Hard Men

Richard Dunne
Big Irish centre back who ties Patrick Viera for the most premiership red cards.

Craig Bellamy
May not be a popular player and may not seem too tough on the pitch, but being built like a brick sh*thouse and attacking teammates with a variety of sporting good (golf club) means that people might want to be careful around him.

Nemanja Vidic
Eastern European coal miner. Fact. Probably.

Michael Essien
Being short in stature has only made this Ghanaian bulldog even meaner. Armed with a brutal tackle and a ferociously competitive nature, this combative midfielder demands respect.

Kevin Davies
Getting the most fouls committed against you may not seem like a trait for hard men. Kevin Davies, however, gets up from these fouls and dishes out some harm of his own. His is also the leader in fouls committed.
Notable others: Jamie Carragher, Lee Cattermole, John Terry, Ryan Nelson

The Softies

Nicklas Bendtner
A combination of his surname, his stylishly waxed hair and his pink boots speak for themselves.

Luca Modric
This diminutive playmaker is often outmuscled while on the ball, even by the smallest of competitors. Good thing he has the likes of Palacios and Huddlestone protecting him.

Twinkle toed stars generally have a habit of avoiding contact. But while Cristiano Ronaldo had the physique to take big hits and Eduardo just wants to avoid another season ending injury, Robinho is generally a pu**ie. Pulling out of tackles and diving are just a couple of the tricks he has up his sleeve.

Ledley King
Sure he’s big and strong and a decent defender, but no one can be that injury prone without having a serious allergy to contact.

Notable others
Dean Ashton, Stuart Downing

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  • dexylongshot

    Kieron Dyer, what a great player he could have been?

  • Patrick

    Modric? Are you having a laugh?

  • Matt Quinn

    Softie- Michael Brown. All he does is go round kicking people. He is a thug but the worst kind. It takes no strength or hardman-ness to do that. Absolutely hate him.

    Other Hardmen in the prem….

    Lorik Cana
    Michel Salgado are apparently two of the hardest men in world football.

    Also, Nigel Reo-Coker- goes in where it hurts, wins the ball and is only small. Its easy to be hard when youre the size of Nemanja Vidic. Also he faced up the Irish brawler, Martin O’Neill, this week…. which was a brave thing to do.

  • Mike Somerville

    That Wolves defender looks flipping huge! Built like the stone dude from Fantastic 4

  • dexylongshot

    Cana, now your talkin, the man is a beast!

    Parker gets stuck in as well, he’s seen more slides than Jamie & The Magic torch

  • jimmythegent

    now that was a programme, wordsworth wordsworth, i might start up a debate in the forums, cartoons greatest theme songs.

  • Jeana

    Stands back from the keyboard in aammezent! Thanks!

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