Top 10 Players to EPIC FAIL at the World Cup

by Michael Somerville

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2010

Because we’re English and greatly enjoy laughing at others misfortune, I thought it would be fitting to do a run- down of players that could conceivably embarrass themselves on the football world stage.

Hopefully this will make you feel slightly better when we are being knocked out by the Germans on penalties.

10. Lionel Messi. Yes we all got incredibly hyped up about Messi when he slammed four goals past Arsenal in the Champions League. That was against Silvestre and co so he will come up against much better defenders. He is a phenomenal player for club but for country he most certainly struggles.

9. Michael Ballack. He’s brilliant at penalties. Oh he’s not going to be there. How devastating.

8. Steven Gerrard. Stevie G may just use the world stage to (you could say justifiably) vent his anger at Hicks and Gillette. Picture it: Gerrard takes over the PA system before the USA game and proceeds to rant at every single American in the stadium. “This is all you Yanks fault like, I didn’t even want you American at Anfield in the first place like.” Gerrard rips off his English shirt to reveal red Liverpool shirt with F**k the Americans on the back.  Promptly dropped by Capello and England go on to lose every game without their midfield general.

7. Ronaldinho. He’s on the slick new Nike ad but I don’t think he’ll be getting on the plane. Cue picture of an embarrassed Nike exec.

6. Kaka. After costing £56m, the playmaker has had a dreadful season at the Bernabeu, only making 21 starts in the Spanish Primera Division. He could carry his form into the World Cup and be dropped for wait for it… Julio Baptiste.

5.  Fabio Cannavaro. After being so wonderfully humiliated by Bobby Zamora in the Juventus/Fulham game earlier in the year (Cannavaro’s team lost 4-1) the Ballon d’Or winner’s captaincy has been called into question by the Italian press. Could the pressure get to the ageing centre back?

4. Robinho. What has he been doing for the past five months in Brazil? I had a look at his stats; he’s only scoring one goal every month on average over there. That’s not particularly impressive and it’s clear that from his time in England that he loses focus easily. Maybe his focus will disappear for good in South Africa.

3. Any French player. Seriously why is Raymond Domenech still in charge? A blind ferret could see that he doesn’t get anywhere near the best out of his players. Despite obvious talent such as Henry, Benzema, Malouda, Ribery, Anelka, Evra and Gallas he still can’t seem to buy a win that actually counts! In their qualifying campaign France failed to beat Serbia, Romania, and just about eked out a 1-0 win over minnows Faroe Islands.


2. Ashley Cole. Yes we know he’s the only good left- back we’ve got and surely he couldn’t pick up an even worse reputation at the World Cup? All Ashley needs to do is get himself sent off in a big game and you’ve got to feel there will be no way back for Ashley and the English public.

1. Ri Myong- Guk. The North Korean goalkeeper is clearly going to have his work cut out in South Africa. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy to face the likes of Ivory Coast, Brazil and Portugal in a single week. Expect a mass goal orgy and Guk’s head on a plate for less than impressed North Korean dictator Kim Jong- il.

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  • dexylongshot

    Your right about Guk, I’ll be having a word with a few Brazilians if i was him about giving him a lift to Rio after the finals.

  • Stevie

    Messi is poor in an Argentina shirt.

    Steven Gerrard will no doubt be hitting 60 yard bombs to know one but the ball boyz

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