UKFF Proudly Presents Fabio B Capello’s 10 Commandments

by Dexy Longshot

Tuesday, July 8th, 2008

fabio heston

In the year of our lord 42 AG (After Geoff), A Messiah was sent from afar to become the saviour of English football. That man was Fabio Capello and his mission was to lead the 3 Lions forward into the promised land of South Africa and bring us back the gold effigy with the Doris holding the world in her arms. After wandering the lands amphitheaters for a solution to his countries current woe, he came across The Burning Bush, a pub in Stepney. There, over a period of 40 days and 40 nights, he witnessed the resurrection of the almighty Spain and their new brand of all conquering beautiful football. Capello was inconsolable; his plan for world domination in the style of his countrymen was in tatters. Luckily 12 UKFF disciples were in the booze inn to give him a couple of tablets for his nerves and a few pointers on the back of a beer mat for him to base his World Cup qualifying campaign on.


England’s 10 Commandments: The prophecy according to Fabio with the help from UKFF:


1: Thou shall pick form players and not rely on past glories or media pressure.

Reputations count for nothing if you want to succeed. Just ask Raul, the supposed chosen one not on Luis Aragones list 18 months ago. The frenzied Spanish media were up in arms after is exclusion but at his press conference, the good Lord Luis delivered his own personal sermon to his followers.

“What have we won with Raul??”

…And then it came to pass. Torres, Villa and lately Cesc abided by their Gods commandments and duly delivered him the Holy Grail.


2: Thou shall be willing to experiment.

The game has evolved yet again; many of the teams are playing with a leading striker with 3 or 4 attacking midfielders and 1 or 2 holders. Look at the finalists. Poldolski, Schweinsteiger & Ballack with Frings holding. The Spain final team featuring Cesc linking with Torres & the holy Xavi/Villa/Inista trinity behind him and General Senna enforcing. Both teams, due to circumstances, changed formations during the tournament. Fabio’s flock must be able to do this to have any chance of the lifting the divine prize to the Heavens.


3: Thou shall use God given pace.

The boy child Theo is looking better and better with every game and it is only a matter of games before he unleashed with the seniors. England have always lacked pace in recent years physically and mentally, with an old testament Owen the only real speed demon in a slow team dominated by Beckham’s playmaking. It was a brilliant combination years ago accounting for 3/4s of England goals but we can’t play that way any more. Look at improved teams like Russia; the speed of Arshavin and Shirkov for the 2nd against Sweden was flawless. Many of the goals at the Euros where scored by a speedy full back or winger getting past an opponent and putting in a low cross for an advancing player to get on the end of, look at Schweinsteiger….actually you might not want to do that.


4: Thou shall use Rio more.

England has a holy trinity in the England spine, Rio, Gerrard and Rooney. Rio is arguably the best of all in his position and should be used more. Portugal’s Pepe was one of their most dangerous attacking weapons, his surging runs form the back made it hard for players to mark him and he had plenty of chances on goal. Rio can play a bit with the ball at his feet and Fabio should give him the opportunity to advance more, especially if he was used as a sweeper with fellow John Baptists Woodgate and Terry either side of him or possibly Judas esCarragher if he redeems himself. In McClaren’s 1st game in charge, Rio was getting forward with ball more than I have ever seen and we punished the defensively strong Greeks 4-0, it was all downhill after that as Rio was then shackled, why, I don’t know. Fabio take note.


5: Thou shall not be cautious.

3 of the most cautious teams in the competition came a cropper to the new attacking game. Greece, France and Italy, all finalists at the last 2 tournaments came unstuck with their reliance on defence and returned to a hellish reception in their homeland. I’d consider another look at wingbacks, with 3 at the back (See Commandment 4). It failed against Croatia when employed because of Biggus Dickus playing Parker as an attacking midfielder rather than the holder and a lump of turf. Imagine if Ashley could rediscover his overlapping skills of 36 AG on the left with young Micah rampaging at speed down the right. You may heckle this prophecy but take a look how an ordinary Austria side without the inspirational Frei for much of the game took Croatia to the wire with 2 wing-backs. Only the early Modric goal separated them..


6: Thou shall never give up, even if in the valley of the shadow (or 2 down with 15 to go).

Fatih Terim proved that even with a 2nd string team and a Sheffield Utd winger, hard work, belief and a never say die approach can reap rewards. His depleted squad were resurrected time and again during the tournament and were unlucky not to make the final. The shining stars of Semih Senturk, Arda, Altintop & Nihat will be forever lauded as Gods in their homeland after knocking in the goals that turned up later than King Herod. Hallelujah!!!.


7: Thou shall not make Becks take every free kick.

There is no doubt our Centurion is one of the best dead ball specialists in the world but I think we should at least go for something more creative every now and again. How many times as Becks scored from one of his direct free kicks? In the big games, there was Columbia, Greece, & Ecuador but it was not enough for me. Give Hargreaves or Gerrard a go now and then or maybe a daring nudge to the side for someone to smash in. Someone like Scholesy could have notched another half dozen in his prime if they played that ball rather than Becks taking 4 similar free kicks every game and scoring 1 in 20. For the testament, out of 76, only 2 goals were scored in the Euros from a free kick, Ballack and De Rossi’s deflection & a total of just 3 were scored from outside the area.


8: Thou shall practise penalties, (even on the day of the Lord)

Players sometimes say: “It doesn’t matter, it’s the pressure”. Balls, if you practise punting the ball into the same corner a 1000 times a month, you will get better at it. Of course there is pressure but you have to be psychologically sound, Fabio, get in Germanys no1 penalty expert in your clan and have a word with all the clubs about extra penalty practice, they only train for 3-4 hours a day, another 20 mins knocking in 50 balls won’t hurt anyone. Do it in front of the local all-girls school for added pressure. Every goal missed means a bullseye to charity, they’ll soon improve and will give them less time on their Xboxs with Halo.


9: Thou shall crucify that poxy Brass Band.

I don’t know one England fan who likes it and they only know 4 hymns. Where’s the variety. I’ve been to every home game since the last World Cup and the atmosphere is terrible for 90% of the England games compared to club football. The best atmosphere I experienced was the Russia hiding. This wasn’t just because we were actually winning and playing half decent football but because the crowd were actually coming up with some proper chants rather than the Brass Bands dreary “ I’m H.A.P.P.Y” or ENGERLAND!. Bore me later, they should be learning a few more player chants. My flock happened to be bang in the middle of the singing section when the goals were flying in against Hiddink. An impromptu “Let’s Go Fkin Mental” got everyone up dancing and really having a proper celebration and the Brass boys tried to drown it out with the Great Escape? You what!!!
I’ve heard the Prawn munching FA Emperors actually pay for the brass band and give them free travel. More wisdom from the The Pawns of Satan in there nice warm boxes or should that be prawns of Satan.


10: Thou shall not let the missus take over the tournament.

I may sound old fashioned but at the big tournaments, preparation and concentration is crucial. The last World Cup became a WAG circus with Posh, Cheryl et all, it must have affected the team, even if it was minor distraction, it’s still a distraction. It may sound draconian & I’ll probably get slated but you didn’t hear a peep out of Ms Lineker or Shilt’s missus in 1990. The England base should be a sacred Holy ground with no outsiders.




So Fabio, the promise land awaits if you stick to the 10 Commandments, you’ll be walking on water and bread and fish will be plentiful if you can bring home the ultimate prize. We might even write a book about it. Amen.

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  • Stevie

    what about,

    Thou shall not send everyone to sleep with moribund boring football and pretend you are happy with beating a team ranked 123 in the world.

    Thou shall play to your strengths, a high temp closing down game, the kind of game our players are used to, the kind of game they play week in week out.

    Thou shall not try to re-educate the england team, you can not teach an old dog new tricks, so forget about possession football, we are not good enough. see above.

    Thou shall show some passion on the side lines (Bilic), install this passion into the players minds.

    and finally,
    Thou shall not give our fans and country false hope by claiming we will reach a final.

  • Danny Brothers

    Liking the commandments…it’s a tough job for Capello, particularly with the expectation on his shoulders and the fact that he isn’t entirely loved even before starting the job.

  • Darren

    Here’s a good one

    Thou shall stop banging on about 1966

  • Bakes

    Good work, Dexy.

    How does everyone feel about Fabio? Is he the man or is he just another sorry sack of plop, like our friend Maclaren?

  • Darren

    sack of plop, way to negative, you can not teach the English players to play a different style, as stevo points out, play to your strengths, high temp closing down

  • Dan Church

    Get rid of him and get in a young enthusiastic manager…Incy would have been great, the Guv’nor takes no shit and would have sorted the men from the boys.

    Had anyone heard of Low at Germany before he took over ?? Proves you dont need a big name manager to succeed….

  • Bakes

    It’s a bit early to throw Ince in to the equation, isn’t it? I think we have to give Fab a chance. I am a little concerned that he is trying to install a method of football that is alien to most of our players. I think he needs to face it that nearly all of our players are not comfortable on the ball when under pressure and cannot play the intircate triangles in midfield that Spain and Arsenal do. I hope he can get English players feeling more comfortable with the ball in tight situations but surely this is something that begins at an early age. Is it too late for our boys?

    Keep the faith, boys.

  • Darren

    Bakes is right, that’s what concerns me too, we should be playing the England way, not the Italian way, and if anything, Spain proved that that style is out of date, so with Capello in charge we are stuck trying to learn a style of play that is out of date, Spain triumph was a football revolution waiting to happen

    Germany would of got to the semi’s or Final with Roland Rat in charge, FACT!

    Check these stats

  • tef1on


    *gets out trumpet and starts playing the Great Escape tune*

  • Stevie

    looks like we might have a very very good chance of qualifying for the World Cup, Blater has stated that we are favorites to host the 2010 WC in South Africa balls it up!!

  • dexylongshot

    on the subject of trumpets, i don’t like to blow mine (lie) but with regards to Ince, i said months ago he was future England Manager material….

  • adam hughes

    its not the manger its the players they keep playing for the money and the press i say you put a full team of sunday leage players on the pitch and they would show you what football is its about the game pts not about looking good its about winning at any cost sumone bring back real football cos the big babes we have the now are not worth it

  • Stevie

    you have a good point Adam, but at the same time the manager is in charge of getting the best out of his players, he should inspire like Fergie, Cloughie for example.

    There’s a good post on Roy Keane by Dex.

    This man would take no crap from any one, he would not let the Terrys and the Lampards of this world spend an hour before the game doing their hair would he?

    If the big players don’t perform, drop them, simple as, Turkey did ok without their best players.

    The problem with England under almost every manager we’ve had is there is no team effort, and they have no balls. I remember when the Republic beat us 1-0 in the Euro’s back in 1988, and Northern Ireland in the WC qualifiers, they played as a team as we never do. Until we address this simple tactic we are going nowhere…

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