Weekly Report: Managerial Madness and the Best Fans Ever?

by Luke Bradshaw

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

So Mike Ashley isn’t the only retard making decisions about who should run their football team. Not even Sam Allardyce’s fetching purple/yellow/orange tie/scarf/shirt combo could save him from the sack.

You would have thought the mid-table safety he’s acquired would be enough – apparently not. And Wales have decided to enlist someone with four months of Championship relegation scraps under their belt to lead their nation into a new dawn. Safe to say (and not in the way Allardyce’s job was safe), I’m unconvinced on both counts.

Sheffield United sit one point above relegation to the third tier of English football thanks in part to Speed’s management. A good player of that there is no doubt, but what does it say about more experienced managers, who have actually achieved in this profession, when Speed can waltz into the post? No relegation battle to worry about, just convincing your mates to come back for a kick-around. If you’re not already aware Gary, Robbie Savage is available for selection.

Now I would never actually want to watch an Allardyce team out of choice, but a dodgy stint at Newcastle aside, his achievements are, I think, underrated. Incredibly dull, but underrated none the less. This could be a stark lesson for the Venky’s Group owners – does anybody actually know their names?

What West Ham wouldn’t give for some Allardyce bolshiness. Avram of Avram Hall is on his last legs. Now that the Prem owners are handing over the axe to one another to wield in the direction of managerial necks, his time looks very much borrowed. Incidentally, if Pardew is at Newcastle in five years’ time, I’ll eat my own hand.

The irony of Bolton’s direct and one-dimensional goals that delivered Allardyce’s final defeat, will not be lost on the not actually that big ‘Big Man’.

Elsewhere, my man crush continued as Andy Carroll scored the type of goal new target men do, and Emile Heskey scored the type he only can do. Wayne Hennessey played in goal for Wolves, but anyone who saw MOTD2’s highlights will have been forgiven for not noticing, such was Birmingham’s tepid display.

Why do City need Carlos Tevez anyway? Yaya Toure will provide the goals and snoods (sorry for mentioning them) and Balotelli will provide the tantrums, and better ones at that.

In the Stoke v Blackpool match the woodwork had more touches than any of the players. No one can really work out whether Chelsea’s point at Spurs was good or bad, considering their dreadful run. And Wenger soured any winter grapes by complaining about the Old Trafford grass. It just so happens to be one of the 19 pitches in the Prem that is in a worse condition than the freakishly green Emirates turf.

On the continent, Barcelona completed the most passes (938) in one game since Opta started collecting data, 137 of which were achieved by Xavi in his 55 minute cameo. That just shouldn’t happen.

Favourite thing this week: If you’re an under-12 and playing in a match, this is the support you can only dream about. Would the Polish, drunk, louts please identify themselves.

You can follow me in the same way right here.

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  • http://www.ukfootballfinder.co.uk Mystical Mike

    i think the Blackburn owners are living in dreamland if they think they can make the Champions League, especially with some inexperienced like Alan Shearer!

  • dexylongshot

    I read a lot about the new owners this morning and it seems to me that the poultry millionaires may have the downlow on Indias premier chicken munch recipe (i bet it’s really nice…honest) but severly lack much nous when it comes to the Premier League. In fact, the doris who is behind it all happily admits she has hardly knowledge of the game and the goings on at all, she does have some dosh though so the Premier League big wigs let them through the door rubbing there hands.

    I thought the Premier League was meant to have a team who ensure that club takeovers are done with the best intentions of the club and League in mind, mmmm???

    As for Allydyce, how long before we see a new long ball system deployed at The Bolyen with Cockney Sam at the helm of Grants leavings. I think I’d rather take a chance with a Venkys dog burger.

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