Weekly Report: Sh*t Shinpads and Horrible Headlines

by Luke Bradshaw

Thursday, March 10th, 2011

Where to start? A lot has happened, so I’m going to skip all the important stuff and go to something meaningless. Something that I have wondered for ages came to the fore this week: Nani’s shin. I haven’t wondered about his shin for ages, more the protection he applies – and every other pro player as far as I can see – to their legs. Why do pro’s wear tiny shin pads?

Virtually everyone I know, and play football with, wears high shin pads, with the strapped ankle supports, and not the little plastic ones we wore when we were eight. Had Nani been wearing them, they may not have been shifted by Carragher’s studs and maybe he wouldn’t have the ‘deep gash’ he has now. And for someone who spends a lot of time on the deck, he managed to lose any sympathy for a dreadful, dangerous challenge, the moment he got up and walked around……and then fell to the ground. If anyone can tell me the reason for these tiny, little pads, please do – I really don’t get it.

In the same game, Liverpool remembered that Dirk Kuyt is in fact a striker, just in time to be pushed out to the wing again once the Carroll/Suarez partnership comes to the fore. In his three years at Feyenoord before moving to Merseyside he scored 83 goals.

He was prolific in Holland, and only since his arrival in England has he been shifted out wide. I realise being prolific in Holland can mean any number of things; for every Ronaldo and Van Nistelrooy there is an Alfonso Alves. But Kuyt is quality, and that clinical, poaching hat-trick maybe be his last time he plays there for the next few games.

Midweek, and Arsenal were unlucky and outclassed all at the same time. Xavi and Iniesta both completed more passes (each, not combined) than Van Persie, Fabregas, Rosicky, Wilshere, Diaby and Nasri put together.

Spurs managed to get past a Milan side that played much better than I expected. Seedorf can still do the business, all the while Rino Gattuso was busy doing this; it just gets worse and worse.

There was a huge shock that Stewart Downing spent lots of money on pointless things, while his manager put the reason for their loss to Bolton down to someone else selling Gary Cahill three years ago.

West Ham are winning, and not in the way Charlie Sheen is, Chelsea have just about got people thinking they’re potentially back in the title race before they undoubtedly mess it up again, and Barcelona offered an alternative to the soon to be banned snoods.

Meanwhile, France have launched what has to be the best kit I have seen in a very long time. Very few kits are elegant, and I will be getting one, regardless of what this website says.

Favourite thing this week: Some people are very good at kick-ups, and then some people can do this.

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