What ever happened to the football ‘ardnut?

by Dexy Longshot

Wednesday, December 24th, 2008

Vinny Jones

Did you hear about Vinny the other week? He got in a barney in LA and copped an unfortunate one in the mosh, so much for hardman eh? Not like the old skool legends like Chopper Harris, Billy Bonds and Martin Keown. In a day and age when the average top flight footballer would rather fall to the turf rolling around like a Chihuahua in fox’s maka rather than turn around and give the opposing player the nut, i feel it’s only right to have a couple of articles on the hard men of the game. Maybe we can start voting on an all time no nonsense dreamteam. Here are a couple of examples between some of the games big names in The Premiership. Saying that, this lot would be frowned upon by my top cop hardmen picks from the 70s & 80’s, watch out for that over xmas. It’s so funny, I nearly chocked on my reindeer Pie and Mash.


Boyer V Dyer

I actually watched this live the last time I was in Asia and the locals went chicken oriental, I’d eaten all the nuts! That and the fact that Bower and Dyer were going at each other hammer and tongs in the shirt rip dept, The 9-man Geordies lost to Villa by the by.



Ljungberg V Mellberg

Chorlton and The wheelies had nothing on the Swedes when they were preparing for the 2002 World Cup. It was all about the contents of Freddie’s grooming bag. Olof borrowed Freddies tweezers without asking and it all went of handbag style. Boys will be ladyboys.



Hartson V Berkovic

This one was nasty! The Irons were having a kickabout and Eyal took offence to the taffs underwear, slapping him on his big sheeplike arse. Big John thought Eyal was going for his gingernuts and promptly drove a size 11 into his boatrace. Wales 1 – Isreal zilch



Anyhow, hope you all enjoy the festive season and footy feast on the box, I’ll be spending it in the warmer climbs of India and Thailand no less, purely for medicinal reasons, gotta watch the old ticker. I might even treat myself to a new sheepskin and a fake hammers top before hitting the Irish bars of Goa and Bangkok, I love all that culture marlarky!!! Merry Xmas and New Year, ave a blinder!!



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